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Lifeforge-app / LifeforgeA self-hosted solution to streamline and organize all aspects of your life.
qfgaohao / Pytorch SsdMobileNetV1, MobileNetV2, VGG based SSD/SSD-lite implementation in Pytorch 1.0 / Pytorch 0.4. Out-of-box support for retraining on Open Images dataset. ONNX and Caffe2 support. Experiment Ideas like CoordConv.
codrops / BlockRevealersIdeas for revealing content in a schematic box look as seen around the Web lately.
sayantann11 / All Classification Templetes For MLClassification - Machine Learning This is ‘Classification’ tutorial which is a part of the Machine Learning course offered by Simplilearn. We will learn Classification algorithms, types of classification algorithms, support vector machines(SVM), Naive Bayes, Decision Tree and Random Forest Classifier in this tutorial. Objectives Let us look at some of the objectives covered under this section of Machine Learning tutorial. Define Classification and list its algorithms Describe Logistic Regression and Sigmoid Probability Explain K-Nearest Neighbors and KNN classification Understand Support Vector Machines, Polynomial Kernel, and Kernel Trick Analyze Kernel Support Vector Machines with an example Implement the Naïve Bayes Classifier Demonstrate Decision Tree Classifier Describe Random Forest Classifier Classification: Meaning Classification is a type of supervised learning. It specifies the class to which data elements belong to and is best used when the output has finite and discrete values. It predicts a class for an input variable as well. There are 2 types of Classification: Binomial Multi-Class Classification: Use Cases Some of the key areas where classification cases are being used: To find whether an email received is a spam or ham To identify customer segments To find if a bank loan is granted To identify if a kid will pass or fail in an examination Classification: Example Social media sentiment analysis has two potential outcomes, positive or negative, as displayed by the chart given below. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/classification-example-machine-learning.JPG This chart shows the classification of the Iris flower dataset into its three sub-species indicated by codes 0, 1, and 2. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/iris-flower-dataset-graph.JPG The test set dots represent the assignment of new test data points to one class or the other based on the trained classifier model. Types of Classification Algorithms Let’s have a quick look into the types of Classification Algorithm below. Linear Models Logistic Regression Support Vector Machines Nonlinear models K-nearest Neighbors (KNN) Kernel Support Vector Machines (SVM) Naïve Bayes Decision Tree Classification Random Forest Classification Logistic Regression: Meaning Let us understand the Logistic Regression model below. This refers to a regression model that is used for classification. This method is widely used for binary classification problems. It can also be extended to multi-class classification problems. Here, the dependent variable is categorical: y ϵ {0, 1} A binary dependent variable can have only two values, like 0 or 1, win or lose, pass or fail, healthy or sick, etc In this case, you model the probability distribution of output y as 1 or 0. This is called the sigmoid probability (σ). If σ(θ Tx) > 0.5, set y = 1, else set y = 0 Unlike Linear Regression (and its Normal Equation solution), there is no closed form solution for finding optimal weights of Logistic Regression. Instead, you must solve this with maximum likelihood estimation (a probability model to detect the maximum likelihood of something happening). It can be used to calculate the probability of a given outcome in a binary model, like the probability of being classified as sick or passing an exam. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/logistic-regression-example-graph.JPG Sigmoid Probability The probability in the logistic regression is often represented by the Sigmoid function (also called the logistic function or the S-curve): https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/sigmoid-function-machine-learning.JPG In this equation, t represents data values * the number of hours studied and S(t) represents the probability of passing the exam. Assume sigmoid function: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/sigmoid-probability-machine-learning.JPG g(z) tends toward 1 as z -> infinity , and g(z) tends toward 0 as z -> infinity K-nearest Neighbors (KNN) K-nearest Neighbors algorithm is used to assign a data point to clusters based on similarity measurement. It uses a supervised method for classification. The steps to writing a k-means algorithm are as given below: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/knn-distribution-graph-machine-learning.JPG Choose the number of k and a distance metric. (k = 5 is common) Find k-nearest neighbors of the sample that you want to classify Assign the class label by majority vote. KNN Classification A new input point is classified in the category such that it has the most number of neighbors from that category. For example: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/knn-classification-machine-learning.JPG Classify a patient as high risk or low risk. Mark email as spam or ham. Keen on learning about Classification Algorithms in Machine Learning? Click here! Support Vector Machine (SVM) Let us understand Support Vector Machine (SVM) in detail below. SVMs are classification algorithms used to assign data to various classes. They involve detecting hyperplanes which segregate data into classes. SVMs are very versatile and are also capable of performing linear or nonlinear classification, regression, and outlier detection. Once ideal hyperplanes are discovered, new data points can be easily classified. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/support-vector-machines-graph-machine-learning.JPG The optimization objective is to find “maximum margin hyperplane” that is farthest from the closest points in the two classes (these points are called support vectors). In the given figure, the middle line represents the hyperplane. SVM Example Let’s look at this image below and have an idea about SVM in general. Hyperplanes with larger margins have lower generalization error. The positive and negative hyperplanes are represented by: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/positive-negative-hyperplanes-machine-learning.JPG Classification of any new input sample xtest : If w0 + wTxtest > 1, the sample xtest is said to be in the class toward the right of the positive hyperplane. If w0 + wTxtest < -1, the sample xtest is said to be in the class toward the left of the negative hyperplane. When you subtract the two equations, you get: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/equation-subtraction-machine-learning.JPG Length of vector w is (L2 norm length): https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/length-of-vector-machine-learning.JPG You normalize with the length of w to arrive at: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/normalize-equation-machine-learning.JPG SVM: Hard Margin Classification Given below are some points to understand Hard Margin Classification. The left side of equation SVM-1 given above can be interpreted as the distance between the positive (+ve) and negative (-ve) hyperplanes; in other words, it is the margin that can be maximized. Hence the objective of the function is to maximize with the constraint that the samples are classified correctly, which is represented as : https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/hard-margin-classification-machine-learning.JPG This means that you are minimizing ‖w‖. This also means that all positive samples are on one side of the positive hyperplane and all negative samples are on the other side of the negative hyperplane. This can be written concisely as : https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/hard-margin-classification-formula.JPG Minimizing ‖w‖ is the same as minimizing. This figure is better as it is differentiable even at w = 0. The approach listed above is called “hard margin linear SVM classifier.” SVM: Soft Margin Classification Given below are some points to understand Soft Margin Classification. To allow for linear constraints to be relaxed for nonlinearly separable data, a slack variable is introduced. (i) measures how much ith instance is allowed to violate the margin. The slack variable is simply added to the linear constraints. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/soft-margin-calculation-machine-learning.JPG Subject to the above constraints, the new objective to be minimized becomes: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/soft-margin-calculation-formula.JPG You have two conflicting objectives now—minimizing slack variable to reduce margin violations and minimizing to increase the margin. The hyperparameter C allows us to define this trade-off. Large values of C correspond to larger error penalties (so smaller margins), whereas smaller values of C allow for higher misclassification errors and larger margins. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/machine-learning-certification-video-preview.jpg SVM: Regularization The concept of C is the reverse of regularization. Higher C means lower regularization, which increases bias and lowers the variance (causing overfitting). https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/concept-of-c-graph-machine-learning.JPG IRIS Data Set The Iris dataset contains measurements of 150 IRIS flowers from three different species: Setosa Versicolor Viriginica Each row represents one sample. Flower measurements in centimeters are stored as columns. These are called features. IRIS Data Set: SVM Let’s train an SVM model using sci-kit-learn for the Iris dataset: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/svm-model-graph-machine-learning.JPG Nonlinear SVM Classification There are two ways to solve nonlinear SVMs: by adding polynomial features by adding similarity features Polynomial features can be added to datasets; in some cases, this can create a linearly separable dataset. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/nonlinear-classification-svm-machine-learning.JPG In the figure on the left, there is only 1 feature x1. This dataset is not linearly separable. If you add x2 = (x1)2 (figure on the right), the data becomes linearly separable. Polynomial Kernel In sci-kit-learn, one can use a Pipeline class for creating polynomial features. Classification results for the Moons dataset are shown in the figure. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/polynomial-kernel-machine-learning.JPG Polynomial Kernel with Kernel Trick Let us look at the image below and understand Kernel Trick in detail. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/polynomial-kernel-with-kernel-trick.JPG For large dimensional datasets, adding too many polynomial features can slow down the model. You can apply a kernel trick with the effect of polynomial features without actually adding them. The code is shown (SVC class) below trains an SVM classifier using a 3rd-degree polynomial kernel but with a kernel trick. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/polynomial-kernel-equation-machine-learning.JPG The hyperparameter coefθ controls the influence of high-degree polynomials. Kernel SVM Let us understand in detail about Kernel SVM. Kernel SVMs are used for classification of nonlinear data. In the chart, nonlinear data is projected into a higher dimensional space via a mapping function where it becomes linearly separable. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/kernel-svm-machine-learning.JPG In the higher dimension, a linear separating hyperplane can be derived and used for classification. A reverse projection of the higher dimension back to original feature space takes it back to nonlinear shape. As mentioned previously, SVMs can be kernelized to solve nonlinear classification problems. You can create a sample dataset for XOR gate (nonlinear problem) from NumPy. 100 samples will be assigned the class sample 1, and 100 samples will be assigned the class label -1. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/kernel-svm-graph-machine-learning.JPG As you can see, this data is not linearly separable. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/kernel-svm-non-separable.JPG You now use the kernel trick to classify XOR dataset created earlier. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/kernel-svm-xor-machine-learning.JPG Naïve Bayes Classifier What is Naive Bayes Classifier? Have you ever wondered how your mail provider implements spam filtering or how online news channels perform news text classification or even how companies perform sentiment analysis of their audience on social media? All of this and more are done through a machine learning algorithm called Naive Bayes Classifier. Naive Bayes Named after Thomas Bayes from the 1700s who first coined this in the Western literature. Naive Bayes classifier works on the principle of conditional probability as given by the Bayes theorem. Advantages of Naive Bayes Classifier Listed below are six benefits of Naive Bayes Classifier. Very simple and easy to implement Needs less training data Handles both continuous and discrete data Highly scalable with the number of predictors and data points As it is fast, it can be used in real-time predictions Not sensitive to irrelevant features Bayes Theorem We will understand Bayes Theorem in detail from the points mentioned below. According to the Bayes model, the conditional probability P(Y|X) can be calculated as: P(Y|X) = P(X|Y)P(Y) / P(X) This means you have to estimate a very large number of P(X|Y) probabilities for a relatively small vector space X. For example, for a Boolean Y and 30 possible Boolean attributes in the X vector, you will have to estimate 3 billion probabilities P(X|Y). To make it practical, a Naïve Bayes classifier is used, which assumes conditional independence of P(X) to each other, with a given value of Y. This reduces the number of probability estimates to 2*30=60 in the above example. Naïve Bayes Classifier for SMS Spam Detection Consider a labeled SMS database having 5574 messages. It has messages as given below: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/naive-bayes-spam-machine-learning.JPG Each message is marked as spam or ham in the data set. Let’s train a model with Naïve Bayes algorithm to detect spam from ham. The message lengths and their frequency (in the training dataset) are as shown below: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/naive-bayes-spam-spam-detection.JPG Analyze the logic you use to train an algorithm to detect spam: Split each message into individual words/tokens (bag of words). Lemmatize the data (each word takes its base form, like “walking” or “walked” is replaced with “walk”). Convert data to vectors using scikit-learn module CountVectorizer. Run TFIDF to remove common words like “is,” “are,” “and.” Now apply scikit-learn module for Naïve Bayes MultinomialNB to get the Spam Detector. This spam detector can then be used to classify a random new message as spam or ham. Next, the accuracy of the spam detector is checked using the Confusion Matrix. For the SMS spam example above, the confusion matrix is shown on the right. Accuracy Rate = Correct / Total = (4827 + 592)/5574 = 97.21% Error Rate = Wrong / Total = (155 + 0)/5574 = 2.78% https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/confusion-matrix-machine-learning.JPG Although confusion Matrix is useful, some more precise metrics are provided by Precision and Recall. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/precision-recall-matrix-machine-learning.JPG Precision refers to the accuracy of positive predictions. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/precision-formula-machine-learning.JPG Recall refers to the ratio of positive instances that are correctly detected by the classifier (also known as True positive rate or TPR). https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/recall-formula-machine-learning.JPG Precision/Recall Trade-off To detect age-appropriate videos for kids, you need high precision (low recall) to ensure that only safe videos make the cut (even though a few safe videos may be left out). The high recall is needed (low precision is acceptable) in-store surveillance to catch shoplifters; a few false alarms are acceptable, but all shoplifters must be caught. Learn about Naive Bayes in detail. Click here! Decision Tree Classifier Some aspects of the Decision Tree Classifier mentioned below are. Decision Trees (DT) can be used both for classification and regression. The advantage of decision trees is that they require very little data preparation. They do not require feature scaling or centering at all. They are also the fundamental components of Random Forests, one of the most powerful ML algorithms. Unlike Random Forests and Neural Networks (which do black-box modeling), Decision Trees are white box models, which means that inner workings of these models are clearly understood. In the case of classification, the data is segregated based on a series of questions. Any new data point is assigned to the selected leaf node. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/decision-tree-classifier-machine-learning.JPG Start at the tree root and split the data on the feature using the decision algorithm, resulting in the largest information gain (IG). This splitting procedure is then repeated in an iterative process at each child node until the leaves are pure. This means that the samples at each node belonging to the same class. In practice, you can set a limit on the depth of the tree to prevent overfitting. The purity is compromised here as the final leaves may still have some impurity. The figure shows the classification of the Iris dataset. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/decision-tree-classifier-graph.JPG IRIS Decision Tree Let’s build a Decision Tree using scikit-learn for the Iris flower dataset and also visualize it using export_graphviz API. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/iris-decision-tree-machine-learning.JPG The output of export_graphviz can be converted into png format: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/iris-decision-tree-output.JPG Sample attribute stands for the number of training instances the node applies to. Value attribute stands for the number of training instances of each class the node applies to. Gini impurity measures the node’s impurity. A node is “pure” (gini=0) if all training instances it applies to belong to the same class. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/impurity-formula-machine-learning.JPG For example, for Versicolor (green color node), the Gini is 1-(0/54)2 -(49/54)2 -(5/54) 2 ≈ 0.168 https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/iris-decision-tree-sample.JPG Decision Boundaries Let us learn to create decision boundaries below. For the first node (depth 0), the solid line splits the data (Iris-Setosa on left). Gini is 0 for Setosa node, so no further split is possible. The second node (depth 1) splits the data into Versicolor and Virginica. If max_depth were set as 3, a third split would happen (vertical dotted line). https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/decision-tree-boundaries.JPG For a sample with petal length 5 cm and petal width 1.5 cm, the tree traverses to depth 2 left node, so the probability predictions for this sample are 0% for Iris-Setosa (0/54), 90.7% for Iris-Versicolor (49/54), and 9.3% for Iris-Virginica (5/54) CART Training Algorithm Scikit-learn uses Classification and Regression Trees (CART) algorithm to train Decision Trees. CART algorithm: Split the data into two subsets using a single feature k and threshold tk (example, petal length < “2.45 cm”). This is done recursively for each node. k and tk are chosen such that they produce the purest subsets (weighted by their size). The objective is to minimize the cost function as given below: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/cart-training-algorithm-machine-learning.JPG The algorithm stops executing if one of the following situations occurs: max_depth is reached No further splits are found for each node Other hyperparameters may be used to stop the tree: min_samples_split min_samples_leaf min_weight_fraction_leaf max_leaf_nodes Gini Impurity or Entropy Entropy is one more measure of impurity and can be used in place of Gini. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/gini-impurity-entrophy.JPG It is a degree of uncertainty, and Information Gain is the reduction that occurs in entropy as one traverses down the tree. Entropy is zero for a DT node when the node contains instances of only one class. Entropy for depth 2 left node in the example given above is: https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/entrophy-for-depth-2.JPG Gini and Entropy both lead to similar trees. DT: Regularization The following figure shows two decision trees on the moons dataset. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/dt-regularization-machine-learning.JPG The decision tree on the right is restricted by min_samples_leaf = 4. The model on the left is overfitting, while the model on the right generalizes better. Random Forest Classifier Let us have an understanding of Random Forest Classifier below. A random forest can be considered an ensemble of decision trees (Ensemble learning). Random Forest algorithm: Draw a random bootstrap sample of size n (randomly choose n samples from the training set). Grow a decision tree from the bootstrap sample. At each node, randomly select d features. Split the node using the feature that provides the best split according to the objective function, for instance by maximizing the information gain. Repeat the steps 1 to 2 k times. (k is the number of trees you want to create, using a subset of samples) Aggregate the prediction by each tree for a new data point to assign the class label by majority vote (pick the group selected by the most number of trees and assign new data point to that group). Random Forests are opaque, which means it is difficult to visualize their inner workings. https://www.simplilearn.com/ice9/free_resources_article_thumb/random-forest-classifier-graph.JPG However, the advantages outweigh their limitations since you do not have to worry about hyperparameters except k, which stands for the number of decision trees to be created from a subset of samples. RF is quite robust to noise from the individual decision trees. Hence, you need not prune individual decision trees. The larger the number of decision trees, the more accurate the Random Forest prediction is. (This, however, comes with higher computation cost). Key Takeaways Let us quickly run through what we have learned so far in this Classification tutorial. Classification algorithms are supervised learning methods to split data into classes. They can work on Linear Data as well as Nonlinear Data. Logistic Regression can classify data based on weighted parameters and sigmoid conversion to calculate the probability of classes. K-nearest Neighbors (KNN) algorithm uses similar features to classify data. Support Vector Machines (SVMs) classify data by detecting the maximum margin hyperplane between data classes. Naïve Bayes, a simplified Bayes Model, can help classify data using conditional probability models. Decision Trees are powerful classifiers and use tree splitting logic until pure or somewhat pure leaf node classes are attained. Random Forests apply Ensemble Learning to Decision Trees for more accurate classification predictions. Conclusion This completes ‘Classification’ tutorial. In the next tutorial, we will learn 'Unsupervised Learning with Clustering.'
rprokap / Pset 9CREDITS SEQUENCE NEWSPAPER HEADLINE MONTAGE: HEADLINES flash before us, displaying their accompanying photographs. "UBERMAN - METRO CITY'S HERO AFTER DEFEATING MASTER MIND! PHOTO: A chiseled, statuesque man wearing the COOLEST SUPER HERO SUIT IMAGINABLE, COMPLETE WITH FLOWING CAPE, shines a confident smile at the lens. This is UBERMAN, champion of METRO CITY. "UBERMAN DEFEATS MASTER MIND'S GIANT ROBOT!" PHOTO: Wide-shot of Uberman in mid-flight lifting the GIANT ROBOT in the sky above the city buildings. "MASTER MIND ALL WET AFTER UBERMAN FOILS AQUARIUM HEIST!" PHOTO: Uberman stands knee-deep in water. He has his enemy by the collar. The villain blocks his face from the shot with a METALLIC GAUNTLET. The images start to flash by even quicker, each showing the MYSTERIOUS VILLAIN in various stages of humiliation. In each photograph he successfully blocks his face with his armored glove. We ZOOM IN to the last headline. "MASTER MIND BEHIND BARS ONCE AGAIN - THANKS TO UBERMAN!" PHOTO: Uberman stands in a gallant pose with his fists on his hips, obviously trying to accentuate the "U" insignia on his chest. END OF CREDITS SEQUENCE EXT. BUILDING - DAY We DISSOLVE from the photograph to Uberman standing in the exact same position. WE PULL BACK showing him atop a BUILDING overlooking the city below. A perfect view for our guardian hero. He watches the thriving metropolis, bristling with life as people happily go about their day. Yet, we can't help but detect a hint of sadness in Uberman's expression. 2. UBERMAN You look so peaceful from up here. His serenity is suddenly interrupted by a loud BEEPING SOUND coming from his wrist. He looks down at a BRACELET (a manly one) on his right arm. It's a silver band with a FLASHING red letter "U". UBERMAN (CONT'D) Looks like Roxanne's in trouble again. Uberman leaps off the building and into the air. His cape gracefully flows in the breeze behind him as he shoots off into the distance like a speeding bullet. EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT Grime and moss decorate the outside of this long abandoned building overlooking the COAST. Once a place of knowledge and wonder - now home to a great evil. INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY The inside is in complete contrast to the exterior. The huge hall with a GIANT TELESCOPE teems with advanced ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT. Computers, monitors and machines which do not have an obvious function FLASH and HUM. A STEEL DOOR slides open, revealing the subject of our story MASTER MIND - a villainous sight to behold. His FACE IS INEXPLICABLY LIGHT BLUE, topped by an OVERSIZED, MUSHROOM- SHAPED HEAD with a CIRCULAR PATCH OF WHITE HAIR ON TOP. He's dressed in the kind of costume only a super villain could pull off: a PURPLE JUMPSUIT AND BLACK BOOT ENSEMBLE WITH A GIANT GREEN "M" ON THE CHEST. His right hand, hanging at his side, is a METAL GAUNTLET WITH THREE SHORT SPIKES PROTRUDING BETWEEN HIS KNUCKLES. Master Mind begins to survey the room with his TWO PERMANENTLY ARCHED EYEBROWS. A man dressed as ALBERT EINSTEIN is busy ranting to two other men. One, a hulking brute, is dressed as LEONARDO DA VINCI. The other, a small intellectual-type carrying a clip-board, is dressed as the philosopher PLATO. EINSTEIN I hate the outfits. I mean, I get it: we're all supposed to be "masterminds" - very clever. (MORE) 3. EINSTEIN(cont'd) I just feel stupid. I mean, what the hell did Einstein really do anyway? PLATO Theory of relativity. Einstein starts feverishly scratching his side. EINSTEIN Well, you'd think he'd invent a wool sweater that didn't itch so much. Da Vinci and Plato's eyes suddenly grow with concern as they see Master Mind walk up behind Einstein. Einstein notices his colleague's staring over his right shoulder and turns around. He turns around and Master Mind SEIZES HIM BY HIS THROAT with his metal gauntlet. MASTER MIND The real Einstein once said, "God does not play dice with the world." He was right, because the world is MY dice. Is that understood? DA VINCI & PLATO Sir! Yes, sir! EINSTEIN (gasping for air) Yes, sir. Master Mind undoes his grip on Einstein's throat. MASTER MIND Alright, then - clean slate. Do we have the girl? DA VINCI Yes, sir. She fell into our trap just like you knew she would. MASTER MIND Reporters are a curious lot, and easily manipulated. He quickly checks his physique in a GIANT MIRROR, adjusts his posture and sucks in his gut. 4. MASTER MIND Alright, let's not keep the lady waiting. MOMENTS LATER Da Vinci escorts a BLINDFOLDED and bound woman, ROXANNE RITCHI, to the back of the room where Plato and Einstein are standing guard over a large BLACK SWIVEL-CHAIR facing away from us. She pulls free of Da Vinci's grasp and waits for him to undo the blindfold. Her face uncovered, we finally see Roxanne's striking features - all of which seem overshadowed by piercing eyes that seem more put off by the situation than afraid of it. MASTER MIND (O.S.) Miss Ritchi, we meet again. The chair turns menacingly slow, finally revealing Master Mind. ROXANNE You didn't need to turn around like that. I can recognize the stench of failure. Master Mind unleashes a wicked laugh. MASTER MIND I trust you gentlemen know the very sassy Roxanne Ritchi, highly regarded investigative journalist who some say has a more than friendly relationship with our super powered foe Uberman. And Miss Ritchi, I trust you've already met my new crew: The Mad Geniuses! Roxanne gives Einstein a once over. ROXANNE Looks like a real group of winners. At the risk of sounding cliche', you'll never get away with this. MASTER MIND In a way, I already have. Roxanne unleashes an exhausted SIGH. 5. ROXANNE We go through this every time. You kidnap me to get to Uberman, he immediately finds your hideout, escapes whatever lame trap you've come up with, and takes you and your cronies to jail. I propose we just save everybody some heartache this time by YOU letting me go, and ME forgetting this whole thing ever happened? MASTER MIND What about my revenge? ROXANNE We can say it was wasting everyone's time. MASTER MIND You have a wicked tongue. I hope you rid yourself of that when you're my queen. Roxanne unleashes a snort-filled laugh. ROXANNE I'm sorry. What makes you think I would want to be your queen? MASTER MIND Power corrupts absolutely, Miss Ritchi. And when I have ultimate power over this city, I have absolutely every intention of corrupting you with it. PLATO Sir! Master Mind turns to Plato who's now standing at a computer terminal. MASTER MIND (annoyed) What is it!? EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman flies toward the Observatory like a rocket. 6. INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman crashes through the wall to the room we were just in. He looks around, but there's suddenly NOT A SOUL IN SIGHT. CUT TO: EXT. MASTER MIND'S HYDROFOIL - DAY The boat is shooting through the ocean, away from the observatory. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY Machines, cables and terminals criss-cross the craft's main bridge. Through the enormous surrounding windows we can see the observatory shrinking in the distance. Master Mind watches Uberman on a small TV monitor as the hero intently searches his hideout. UBERMAN (on monitor) Master Mind! INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman throws up his arms in frustration when suddenly - MASTER MIND (O.S.) Over here, old friend. He turns to see a FAMILIAR BLUE FACE OF EVIL ON A GIANT SCREEN. UBERMAN What's the matter, miss your old jail cell? Uberman starts walking toward the monitor. MASTER MIND (ON MONITOR) Actually, I wanted to share the experience with my oldest friend. A MECHANIZED CAGE shoots out of the floor, suddenly trapping Metro City's protector. Totally unfazed, our hero stares on. 7. UBERMAN You can't possibly believe this will work. Master Mind pulls out a SMALL BLACK BOX with a SINGLE RED BUTTON on it. MASTER MIND (ON MONITOR) Oh, can't I? I have attained control of the Earth's most abundant energy source. I doubt even you are strong enough to withstand the FULL CONCENTRATED POWER OF THE SUN!!! He presses the button. EXT. OUTER SPACE A sinister-looking SATELLITE orbits Earth's atmosphere. Its bay doors suddenly open, deploying two huge SOLAR PANELS. The panels shift, angling themselves in the direction of the sun. They immediately start GLOWING as they absorb the burning star's power. The front of the satellite begins to make a loud HUMMING SOUND as it prepares to unleash its unholy power. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY From the giant window we can see the boat is a good mile from the observatory. PLATO We're now at minimum safe distance, master. Master Mind turns from the CAMERA he was broadcasting on and puts down the control box. MASTER MIND Excellent. Stop here, I like this view. PLATO Twenty seconds until impact. Master Mind turns to Roxanne who is being held by Da Vinci and Einstein. She almost appears a little bored. Disappointed by her lack of horror, he walks over to the monitor now showing Uberman trapped in the cage. 8. MASTER MIND Any last words? Uberman looks up at the screen with a cocky smile. UBERMAN (ON MONITOR) Yes: there's no caging the power of justice. PLATO Ten seconds to impact. On the screen we see Uberman take two of the cage's bars in his hands. He yanks...NOTHING. PLATO (CONT'D) Nine... Master Mind stares at the monitor, slightly confused. PLATO (CONT'D) Eight... Uberman yanks on the bars again, this time using his foot as leverage. MASTER MIND (genuinely concerned) What's going on? UBERMAN (straining) Hold...on...a second. Master Mind looks back at Plato and Einstein. They're equally befuddled at the hero's sudden weakness. PLATO Seven... Uberman loses his grip and FALLS BACKWARD ON HIS ASS. UBERMAN SON OF A BITCH!! Master Mind and the minions all cringe in unison. Da Vinci turns to Roxanne not believing his ears. DA VINCI What did he just say? 9. PLATO Six......Five... Master Mind begins to laugh. MASTER MIND What kind of trick is this? Uberman looks up at the camera with a very grave expression. UBERMAN Like you don't know. These bars are made of copper, aren't they? PLATO Four... MASTER MIND Yeah, so? Uberman tries to shield his grief with his hand. UBERMAN You figured out my weakness, damn you. I CAN'T BEND COPPER! PLATO Three... MASTER MIND Your weakness is copper? PLATO Two...one. Everyone turns to the window. EXT. OUTER SPACE The satellite fires a giant BEAM OF LIGHT toward the earth. EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY The beam hits the observatory. The building instantly EXPLODES in a white nova blast of fire. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY The blast is so bright everyone turns away from the window. Then, as suddenly as it began, the awesome light dies out. One by one, the passengers unshield their eyes and look out toward the observatory. 10. All we can see through the haze of destruction is fire and smoke. PLATO I don't think even he could have survived that. Einstein suddenly turns giddy with excitement. EINSTEIN Whoa! Is it me or did you just finally destroy Uberman? MASTER MIND (carefully skeptical) Well...let's not get ahead of ourselves. Da Vinci suddenly sees something outside. DA VINCI Look, there's something in the sky, coming this way. ROXANNE Uberman! Master Mind turns toward the window. An object is in the air, flying directly toward them. As it closes in we can just make out the FAMILIAR OUTLINE OF A CAPPED FIGURE. MASTER MIND I KNEW IT! PREPARE YOURSELVES! HE'S GONNA RAM US!!! Everyone scatters and braces themselves for the impact. Master Mind, seeing all the good places taken, doesn't know what to do with himself. He just covers his giant head with his hands. The figure CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW and lands at his feet. He looks down to see a CHARRED BLACK HUMAN SKELETON. Around its neck is the unmistakable black cape of Uberman. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (horrified) HOLY SHIT! 11. Roxanne breaks out of Da Vinci's hold and runs over to the body. ROXANNE Uberman? She stares down at the still smoking corpse, the tattered black cape with the yellow "U" on it. Roxanne turns to Master Mind, who's still visibly dumbfounded at the grotesque sight before him. ROXANNE (CONT'D) You killed him! Roxanne's eyes roll back. Da Vinci catches her from behind as she FAINTS. Einstein turns to Master Mind, looking at him as if he's just walked on water. EINSTEIN You did it! Now that he's committed the impossible - our villain is at a complete loss. MASTER MIND ...so I did. EINSTEIN I mean, I know you always wanted to. I mean, all the schemes all the plots - I never thought you'd actually be capable of it. Giddy as a school girl, Einstein turns to his fellow henchmen. EINSTEIN This is history. Every villain and lackey in the history of villains and lackeys dream of this moment, but when does it actually EVER happen? A sudden realization comes over his face. EINSTEIN Good lord...You do all realize what we get to do now, don't you? 12. His question is met with acquisitive looks from Master Mind and the others. EINSTEIN We get to go on a crime wave. CRIME WAVE MONTAGE - SET TO "Fun Fun Fun" by The Beach Boys. SPINNING HEADLINE: "UBERMAN'S DEATH IGNITES CITY WIDE CRIME WAVE!" ARMORED TRUCK It's driving along when the men inside suddenly notice something - THEY'RE FLYING HIGH ABOVE THE CITY STREETS. We PULL BACK to see the truck being carried by a giant claw at the bottom of a BRAIN COPTER. Inside the cockpit Master Mind and his henchmen laugh maniacally. SPINNING HEADLINE: "CHAMPION-LESS CITY AT THE MERCY OF HOOLIGANS." METRO CITY BANK Da Vinci and Einstein run out the front of the bank holding BAGS OF MONEY. Two beat officers see them and take chase after them around the corner and into an alley. After a moment the police reemerge from the alley screaming and running for their lives as a GIANT ROBOT CHASES after them. The robot stops, then suddenly it's head opens up like convertible car top with Master Mind and Plato at the driver's wheel. They smile and shake hands at a bad deed well done. SPINNING HEADLINE: "MASTER MIND BLACKMAILS METRO!!!" A VICIOUS TORNADO It's heading for downtown Metro as Master Mind and the lackeys coolly look on. Three large DUMP TRUCKS pull up, filled to the brim with bricks of CASH. 13. The DRIVERS jump out as the lackeys take the driver seats in the three trucks. Master Mind is about to climb into the passenger seat of one when a drivers taps him on the shoulder and motions toward the tornado. MASTER MIND (absentmindedly) Oh, right. Master Mind pulls a television REMOTE from his pocket and aims it at approaching windstorm of death. He presses the button marked "Tornado Off." The tornado shrinks and disappears just before it hits the city. As they drive through the city streets, Master stares out the window with a hint of something in his eyes. Is it melancholy? END OF MONTAGE EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY It's Metro City's premier bowling alley. On top of the neon lit building is a GIANT 30 FOOT TALL CEMENT BOWLING BALL. INT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY HAL STEWART (early 30's) takes careful aim with his BOWLING BALL. HAL It's a sport of honor, focus and grace. Honor the ball, focus on the pins, release the ball not hard and fast, but as if you were releasing a baby dove. He takes a step, pulls back his arm, and releases the ball, following it with his eyes. It's a horrible shot - INSTANT GUTTER BALL. An aged barmaid type with a cigarette hanging from her mouth looks over at him. HAL Okay, do something like that - but center it more. 14. She picks up her custom made FOGHAT BALL and takes aim. ATTRACTIVE BLOND Tell me how my form looks, honey. Hal focuses on the misshapen bumps of her enormous Johnson administration era derriere. HAL Oh, it's lookin' good. It's lookin' REAL good. It doesn't get anymore clear. This man is a pig. VINNIE (O.S.) Hal, I want to see you in my office! Hal turns to see VINNIE, owner of the bowling alley, calling him. VINNIE Now! INT. KINGPIN BOWLING - VINNIE'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Hal sits down, facing Vinnie who's sitting at his desk. VINNIE You're fired. Leave your shirt and locker key. This bit of news hits Hal like a freight train. HAL Fired? Are you going to tell me why? VINNIE Showing up to work late. Showing up to work late drunk. Sexually harassing customers. Stealing from the register. HAL Vinnie, I don't know where you're getting these accusations - Vinnie takes out a video tape from his desk drawer and puts in a VCR. 15. HAL Oh, which one do you supposedly have here? VINNIE This is all of them at once. TELEVISION A WOMAN walks up to a BOWLING EMPLOYEE and hands him a pair of shoes. As the employee turns to the wall of shoes, a very drunk and disheveled Hal comes running in and pushes him aside. HAL I've got this one, Benny. So, Cinderella. Can I help you find your glass slipper? WOMAN Yeah, I'm looking for a seven. He folds his arms on the counter and leans into her with a cat-like grin on his face. HAL (with a leer) Seven - Well, maybe I could interest you in something in an EIGHT. Namely, me. Disgusted, she walks off screen. HAL Lesbo. Suddenly realizing the register's open, he quickly grabs a stack of cash and shoves it in his pocket. BACK TO OFFICE Vinnie turns off the television and waits for Hal to respond. HAL From the angle of the camera, I can see where you might have gotten the wrong idea. Listen, Vinnie, I don't think you've thought this through. If you fire me, who's gonna be captain of the alley's bowling team? 16. VINNIE Um, I don't know. Maybe somebody who can actually bowl. You guys have never won a game. I hired you because you said you were on the pro circuit. HAL No, I said I WILL BE on the pro circuit. VINNIE Please, a loser like you will never amount to anything. This harsh remark seems to leave Hal genuinely stunned. HAL Wow...If that's how you feel...I guess we should then talk about what kind of severance I'm gonna get. EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY TWO BRUISERS open the door and throw Hal out onto the street. He quickly picks himself up and turns back toward the building. HAL Hey...what about my ball? A bowling ball sails past him, just missing his head. HAL Thank-you! EXT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - DAY The massive building with a giant 7 on the roof stands in the heart of Metro City. INT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - OFFICE - DAY The cubicles and offices are alive with the hustle and bustle of a busy news day. Phones are RINGING, REPORTERS are TALKING, and Editors are SHOUTING. The elevator doors open and out steps Roxanne Ritchi. 17. Everything stops as the entire office suddenly falls SILENT. Somewhat taken aback by the reaction, Roxanne scans the room to see every eye on her. ROXANNE It's...um...It's good to be back. Thanks for everyone's cards and concerns. I really appreciated it - now I'm ready to climb back on the horse. No one is budging - their looks of pity are really starting to make her uncomfortable. The back office door suddenly opens and out comes FRANK BONIN, the gruff, middle-aged Producer of Channel 7 News. Noticing the silence, he looks up and sees the sad expressions on everybody's face. FRANK Someone die or something? He suddenly notices Roxanne - both feet are placed firmly in his mouth. FRANK (cursing himself) Oh, Jesus. ROXANNE It's okay. Frank quickly walks up to Roxanne and takes her gently by the arm. FRANK Come on into my office, sweetie. INT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - FRANK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS He sits her down on his leather couch, then quickly turns toward his door. FRANK Can we get this woman some water for God's sake? (to Rebecca) I gave you two months off. What're you doing back? People are gonna think I'm a slave driver. 18. ROXANNE Aren't you? FRANK Yeah, but I don't want people to think it. ROXANNE Frank, listen. I want to go back to work. I NEED to go back to work. FRANK ...You're hysterical, aren't you? Frank sits down on the couch and blankets Roxanne with A WARM EMBRACE. ROXANNE What're you doing? FRANK Keeping you warm before you go into shock. (toward the open door) DO I HAVE SLICE OPEN A CAMEL HUMP TO GET A GLASS OF WATER AROUND HERE? A SECRETARY quickly enters with a bottled water. She sets it on the table in front of them and leaves. Roxanne pulls herself out of Frank's grasp and stands up to face him. ROXANNE It was a traumatic experience. Yes, everyone knows Uberman and me were...close. But what I really need - what would really make me better is getting back to work. There's a sudden awkward silence from Frank. FRANK Well, that's going to be... ROXANNE I thought you'd be happy to have me back. 19. FRANK Oh, we are. Honey, nothing makes us happier than to have our girl back, but... ROXANNE Yes? FRANK Things have sorta...changed. ROXANNE In three weeks? FRANK Listen, I'm not one who likes to open up wounds - especially ones that are just starting to scab, but you were sorta our go to girl for the exclusive on Uberman. And now that he's gone...I moved Brad into your anchor spot. ROXANNE (disgusted) Brad? Brad Helms? The man is an idiot. FRANK It's the suits. They think it's time to switch things up. ROXANNE Oh, because they can't use me to get the big story. FRANK C'mon, Roxie. Using is in the nature of what we do. They used you, you used Uberman. Everybody's happy. ROXANNE (defensive) I didn't use him. FRANK Oh, I didn't mean that. I know you two were in love or something. My bad. ROXANNE We were. 20. FRANK And that's great. ROXANNE Very in love. There's a hind of self-doubt in Roxanne's expression, as if she's failed to convince even herself of this. ROXANNE Okay. So, where are they going to move me if Brad has my spot? FRANK ...Human interest. ROXANNE Bake sales and pet stories. FRANK I told them I wouldn't be surprised if you just upped and quit. You busted your ass for that desk. Roxanne can hardly get it out - she's busy swallowing her pride ROXANNE I'll take it. Frank looks up at her, not believing what he's hearing. FRANK What? EXT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Amongst the jungle of high rises, one small building stands out from the rest - A tiny, forgotten piece of 19th century Gothic architecture. LIGHTENING FLASHES, revealing TWO CONCRETE GARGOYLES holding a cracked plaque, reading: METRO CITY LIBRARY. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT A mixture of old and new. Dusty Victorian furniture and dilapidated bookshelves sit side by side with pristinely futuristic machinery. The building has been converted into Master Mind's new SECRET LAIR. 21. In the center of the main room is a three storey tall GLOWING BLUE ORB. At the base of it is a sign that reads "Reactor - Don't Touch." We PAN OVER to the READING ROOM where Master Mind is sitting on a couch watching TELEVISION. REPORTER ON TELEVISION (O.S.) It's been nearly six weeks, and still no word on the whereabouts of billionaire playboy, and philanthropist, Wayne Scott. Tune in at 11:00 as we look into what has become Metro City's biggest mystery. TELEVISION NARRATOR (O.S.) We now return to "The Hero of our Hearts: The Uberman story." Einstein and Plato come into the room holding a BAG OF LOOT. EINSTEIN Just robbed the diamond exchange. MASTER MIND (feigning pleasure) Great, great. Put it on the pile. Einstein tosses it on a LARGE PILE of purloined valuables in the corner of the room. EINSTEIN Anything else today? MASTER MIND No. Master Mind turns his attention back to the screen. Plato sees that Master Mind is in a funk and tries to snap him out of it. PLATO (cheerfully) Sir, the new reactor is installed. Plato nods to the giant orb. PLATO Do you want to throw the switch? I know how you love to start reactors. 22. MASTER MIND Maybe later. Einstein gives Master Mind a funny look then exchanges glances with Plato before leaving the two of them alone. Without turning away from the TV, Master Mind addresses Plato. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What is it, Plato? PLATO (nervously) Sir, I can't help but notice that you've been...a little down lately. MASTER MIND When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you. PLATO Yes, sir, I know, but please forgive my impertinence. It's just that you seem to have lost your lust for our profession. You've stopped going on jobs and spend most of your time watching Uberman specials. Master Mind relaxes slightly and turns to face the window in a classically contemplative pose. After an overdramatic beat... MASTER MIND I have defeated my greatest enemy. I have free reign over Metro City. I have more wealth than a thousand Sultans. I've achieved all I have worked for...so why am I so unhappy? He walks over to a PAINTED PORTRAIT that looks almost exactly like him, except slightly older, maybe meaner - MASTER MIND'S FATHER. MASTER MIND I mean, my father, god rest his evil and tormented soul, raised me straight from the test tube to be a symbol of evil. (MORE) 23. MASTER MIND(cont'd) And, I have accomplished something he had only dreamed about - the destruction of Metro City's champion. I tell you, I've always lived with this unquenchable thirst. I thought it was to make him proud or to get absolute power. But now that I've pretty much accomplished both, I am at a loss. PLATO ...I sort of have a theory about all that. MASTER MIND (snippy) Oh, really? PLATO Well, for one thing, maybe Uberman was more important to you than you thought. MASTER MIND He was a worthy rival. Sometimes I wonder, did he consider me his evil equal or was I just an annoying, little gnat to him? ...What's the second part? PLATO I think you sort of have a thing for Roxanne Ritchi. Master Mind quickly takes his lackey by the throat. MASTER MIND YOU WORM! HOW DARE YOU! WHERE WOULD YOU GET SUCH A NOTION? PLATO Sir, your plans always involve Ms. Ritchi either being kidnapped or placed in danger. If that's not love, I don't know what is. It's the grown up equivalent of dipping her pigtails in the ink well. Don't you see? She's the one treasure that's always escaped you. From Master Mind's expression, we see Plato's words beginning to ring true. 24. INT. RESTURAUNT - DAY Roxanne is having lunch with several girlfriends sitting around her, gabbing. FRIEND #1 I can't believe you came back so soon. FRIEND #2 Are you sure it's not TOO SOON, honey? ROXANNE I just wanted to get back to work. FRIEND #3 What we need to do is get you back on the saddle...the love saddle. Friend 1 and 2 give 3 disapproving looks. FRIEND #3 It's been three weeks. FRIEND #2 She just lost the love of her life, Grace. A WAITER comes by with a tray of CAESAR SALADS and begins setting them out for the ladies. ROXANNE I keep trying to tell people it wasn't really like that. Uberman and I - We were kinda having problems. We broke up. The waiter ALMOST DROPS HIS TRAY AT THIS. The women are too shocked by Roxanne's revelation to notice. FRIEND #1 You broke up with Uberman! FRIEND #3 You must have REALLY, REALLY high standards. I mean, you were dating a god. I mean, what's it take? ROXANNE Maybe someone who's a little more aware of his faults. Someone a little more sensitive. 25. FRIEND #3 Right. Someone who listens, sexy but attainable with cute little cheeks like a hamster and heartbreak in his eyes. She turns to Friend one and two to explain. FRIEND #3 She wants John Cusack. FRIEND #2 The actor? FRIEND #3 No, the famous pediatrist - Yes, the actor. Ever since we were teenagers, Roxanne's totally had the hots for him. ROXANNE Well, until he miraculously comes walking into my life, I'm just going to take a little reflection time for myself. The waiter gets a confused look on his face then slips away as Roxanne and her friends continue to chat away. EXT. RESTURAUNT - DAY The waiter tosses his apron in a trash can, then rolls up his sleeve and presses A STRANGE LOOKING DEVICE STRAPPED TO HIS WRIST. His image gets staticy, like a TV station going out, then disappears - revealing the man's true form underneath: MASTER MIND! MASTER MIND Who the hell is John Cusack? EXT. CITY STREET - DAY A YOUNG MOTHER pushes her baby stroller past a building construction site. ACROSS THE STREET A local POLITICIAN addresses a group of REPORTERS on the sidewalk, including Roxanne. 26. POLITICIAN The Fifth Avenue Renovation Project, which I championed, will breath new life into the downtown area. New life means new jobs and new revenue. ROXANNE Councilman, is it true that your brother-in-law's construction company won the contract for this project? POLITICIAN Well...er...yes, but...look I'm not here to answer a lot of crazy questions... YOUNG MOTHER The young mother stops halfway down the block, reaches into the stroller and tries to comfort her now crying baby. Above her, a CRANE is maneuvering a pile of STEEL GIRDERS to an upper floor. Hal comes around the corner and heads in her direction. CRANE The crane GRINDS TO A HALT. The OPERATOR has a confused look on his face as he moves levers back and forth in an effort to fix the problem. Hal stops a few feet from the woman and stoops down to tie his shoe. CRANE The operator's hand slips off the lever, hitting a RED BUTTON. To his horror the crane DROPS ITS LOAD OF STEEL. HAL AND THE WOMAN The woman looks up to see the girders seconds from crushing her and her baby. She screams. Hal looks up and sees it as well. He starts to run out of the way and crashes into the woman and stroller. ACROSS THE STREET 27. The reporters turns their cameras just in time to catch on film what appears to be Hal pushing the woman to safety just as the GIRDERS CRASH TO THE GROUND. HAL AND MOTHER Tears of joy in her eyes, the woman picks up her baby and kisses it. Hal struggles to catch his breath as the mother turns to him. YOUNG MOTHER Thank you! Thank you for saving me and my baby! She hugs him with her free arm, weeping with joy. HAL (not knowing what she's talking about) Huh? He's a little uncomfortable with the woman's public display of affection and the small child in-between their embrace. HAL (CONT'D) There, there. Hal slowly eases out of the woman's grip. HAL (CONT'D) Okay, we better...well, I hear these little guys smother easy. The reporters rush over and surround Hal and the mother. ROXANNE What's it feel like to be a hero? Hal looks up at Roxanne. Instantly, he's captivated by her beauty. HAL Well...I'm just a man doing what men do. You're Roxanne Ritchi, aren't you? They're suddenly interrupted when another reporter pushes his way in between them. REPORTER Were you scared? 28. HAL Scared? Who had time? The reporters eat this up. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT TELEVISION John Cusack stands in the rain looking up at a window of a two story house. He holds up a BOOMBOX and "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel begins to play. From the couch, Master Mind and his minions watch. MASTER MIND John Cusack, huh? So all I have to do is have a cute puppy dog stare, be willing to make a fool of myself and - Oh, REMOVE BOTH MY BALLS. He turns to see Da Vinci watching the movie and wiping a tear from his cheek. MASTER MIND Please, get a hold of yourself. INT. BOOKSTORE - NIGHT Roxanne is carrying a large paper coffee cup in her hands as she peruses the isles. She sets it down on a shelf to pull a book out and ends up KNOCKING THE DRINK OVER. ROXANNE Shit. She goes to pick it up when someone bends down and picks it up for her. Looking up to thank him, Roxanne is suddenly stunned speechless - It's popular and critically acclaimed actor JOHN CUSACK, or rather Master Mind disguised as him. "JOHN CUSACK" Oh the humanity - it was a Venti. ROXANNE (stunned) You're...you're. "JOHN CUSACK" Yes, it's me. John Cusack...the actor. 29. He notices the book she's reading. "JOHN CUSACK" Hey, is that Shelly? Wait, I think remember something from that one - Let's see: "My head is screaming `I want you and need you' - my heart it keeps reaching to see you and feel you - yet in the end, I'm alone once again." Wow, I scare even myself. I'm sorry. I'm just really into poetry. Probably because I'm so sensitive and always going to great lengths to express myself. But enough about me. Can I fill you up? ROXANNE (captivated) ...Yes. (catching herself) I mean, excuse me? "JOHN CUSACK" Can I fill you up? Your coffee. ROXANNE Right. INT. BOOKSTORE CAFE' - LATER Roxanne talks as John Cusack listens to her every word intently. ROXANNE I did have a boyfriend - until fairly recently. She suddenly begins to feel the stares around her as passers- by being to notice who she's with. ROXANNE I'm sorry - this is so surreal! "JOHN CUSACK" Yeah, they charge way too much at these places - Now back to your boyfriend. I'm interested and compassionate. I want to know about you. 30. ROXANNE Things were complicated. He was a man married to his work. There was...there was a lot of competition in his line of business. I'm sure you know what that's like. "JOHN CUSACK" Sure. In my business, one thing I have is RIVALS. For example, mine is...uh...Lou Ferr...igno. ROXANNE ...The body-builder who used to play The Hulk on TV? "JOHN CUSACK" Did he? Well, we're always up for the same roles. Did your boyfriend have someone like that? A particular rival that was always getting his goat - so to speak? ROXANNE Well...one rival in particular seemed to get more of his attention than I ever did. But enough about my problems. "JOHN CUSACK" NO, TELL ME MORE!!! Suddenly realizing his outburst, he begins COUGHING to mask it. "JOHN CUSACK" (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I got a whooping cough. Had it ever since Serendipity. I WONDER WHERE OUR REFILLS ARE!!! (fakes cough) See, there it goes again. Please, go on. ROXANNE Right, well, he seemed to need him more than he needed me. "JOHN CUSACK" How do you mean? 31. ROXANNE It was conflict he thrived on. He always said he wouldn't know what to do with himself if Master - I mean, this guy were gone. It was like he needed it, like oxygen. The answer to his mental funk hits him like a bolt of lightening. He turns away from her as if for private time. "JOHN CUSACK" (almost to himself) I think I finally understand...The only logical answer is to recreate that rivalry - or if that's impossible, create one of equal structure. That's it! ROXANNE What? John Cusack snaps out of his dream-like haze realizing she's heard every word. "JOHN CUSACK" Oh, sorry, sorry. Just rehearsing for a part...where I play a man who talks to himself at inappropriate times. In a sudden rush, he rises out of his chair. "JOHN CUSACK" I have to go right now, but I'd really like to see you again - if that's alright. Roxanne looks up at him - She can't help but laugh at the craziness of the situation. ROXANNE I'd love that. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master storms in the office to find Plato and Einstein playing darts with the original Mona Lisa. EINSTEIN Got her nose! MASTER MIND I've got it! 32. Everyone stops what they're doing upon seeing that their master has returned. MASTER MIND I've got it! MASTER MIND It's plain and simple. Extraordinary minds need extraordinary stimulation. Without that stimulus they wither and die. Therefore, there is only one logical conclusion: I must create a new superhero. EINSTEIN Yeah, maybe that's not such hot idea... MASTER MIND (ignoring him) Prepare for Operation Superhero Genesis! INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY The lab is slick, white and ultra modern. Dressed in a lab coat, Master Mind enters through a SLIDING GLASS DOOR rubbing his hands excitedly. MASTER MIND Prepare the subject. He glances down into a large HOLE in the floor to see a naked thirty year old man, SEVERS, shivering. Above the hole, a huge vat dangles precariously. Master Mind steps behind a glass partition next to Plato and Einstein. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Plato, pour the toxic waste. Plato throws a switch causing the vat to tip hundreds of gallons of green and brown goo into the hole. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Drainage. The slime is sucked out through the floor, leaving a goo- soaked Severs. 33. Master Mind looks into the pit. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Well, Severs? SEVERS I feel fine. Just a little sticky, but aside from that everything's completely - BOOM - Severs explodes. A hail of blood and tissue covers Master Mind and his men. For a good ten seconds nobody moves an inch. Finally... MASTER MIND Okay then. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY Through a glass WATER TANK we see a man breathing normally. MASTER MIND And this one? PLATO We attached gills to him. He can breath under water. MASTER MIND Ah. Does he have extraordinary strength? PLATO Well...no. MASTER MIND Can he fly? PLATO No. MASTER MIND Resilient to weapons fire? PLATO No. MASTER MIND He just breathes under water, then. PLATO Ah...yeah. 34. Master Mind rolls his eyes and walks away. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY The next guinea-pig, STENWICK, is standing in a sealed glass tube not much wider than himself. MASTER MIND Plato, the radioactive spider, please. Plato throws the switch DROPPING A SINGLE SPIDER onto Stenwick's arm. Stenwick looks and winces as it bites him. STENWICK Ow! He brushes the spider off. MASTER MIND Anything, Stenwick? STENWICK (shaken) No. Ah...sir, I didn't know this was about spiders. I have a pretty severe case of arachnophobia. Master Mind thinks for a moment, then turns to Plato. MASTER MIND We're gonna need more venom. Plato throws another switch, this time DUMPING THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS on poor Stenwick. His SCREAMS begin to fade as he's engulfed with swarms of crawling arachnids. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) How `bout now, Stenwick? ....Stenwick? INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - OFFICE - DAY Master Mind is pacing back and forth. The muted TV plays in the background. MASTER MIND This has proven to be a challenge. I just don't know what I want. What do I want? 35. He stares at Einstein, Da Vinci and Plato, but they offer no advice. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I want a man of moral fiber with a strong sense of right and wrong. Someone who doesn't seek power - instead, they must have it thrust upon them and find, within themselves, the courage to rise to the occasion. Einstein lets out a short laugh, getting everyone's attention. EINSTEIN Yeah, well, it sounds like what you want is Uberman. Master Mind snaps the fingers of his non-metal hand. MASTER MIND That's it! Why make a copy when the real thing will do? The lackeys look at each other, they can't believe what they're hearing. EINSTEIN I was just kidding, sir. In case you forgot, you actually burned Uberman alive. MASTER MIND Then we'll make a new one. Plato, bring me the box! MINUTES LATER Master Mind and the lackeys stand in a circle around a small table. Plato places a STAINLESS STEEL CHEST in the tables center. As Master Mind opens it, he's immediately doused in WHITE GLOW emanating from inside. MASTER MIND Behold - Uberessence. The very thing that gave Uberman his superhuman powers. 36. EINSTEIN Where the hell did you get that? MASTER MIND Oh, I shot him with a power sucking gun and had this idea to use this to clone a whole army of evil Ubermen. I'm not sure why I never got around to following up with that. PLATO I believe he defeated you before you could, master. MASTER MIND ...Right. Man, he was good! DA VINCI You want another volunteer, sir? MASTER MIND Not another volunteer driven by the need for personal gain. Somebody else, somebody pure. Master Mind turns to see an INTERVIEW WITH HAL playing on the muted television. Underneath his face is a blue caption with white lettering that reads: "Hal Stewart - Metro City's Newest Hero?" NEWS REPORTER ...who risked his own life to save that of a young mother and her child. HAL Please, please, you're embarrassing me. I saw someone in need and I helped them. What more can we ask of ourselves. I ask you, what more? A smile creeps across the evil one's face. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Somebody like him! EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Plato is sitting in the van, staring into a pair of binoculars as he speaks on a cellphone. 37. PLATO Yeah, sir. This guy is a real piece of work. He used to teach bowling at Kingpin's. INT. MASTER MIND'S HIDEOUT - DAY Master Mind is sitting with his feet up on a computer console as he speaks to Plato. MASTER MIND (into phone) A modest profession to brilliantly hide his true heroic nature. I love it. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY PLATO Then you are absolutely going to love this - We follow Plato's line of sight across the street where we see HAL PLAYING WITH A LARGE GROUP OF BLIND CHILDREN. PLATO - He volunteers at a school for the blind. INT. MASTER MIND'S HIDEOUT - DAY Intrigued, he suddenly sits up in his chair. MASTER MIND He volunteers. He doesn't ask for any reward for his deeds. The fates are shining down on me. This Mr. Stewart is truly an unselfish soul. EXT. BLIND SCHOOL - DAY From a distance, Hal seems to be consoling an upset child who's sitting on a rock. But up close... HAL You greedy little bastard. I already gave you a twenty. BLIND KID Hey, you want me to play along? Then pay up, bitch! 38. HAL Fine, but you better be convincing. He gives the kid a bill out of his wallet and looks over his shoulder to see a HOT TEACHER walking toward them. HAL Here she comes, go to work. Like a miniature Brando, the blind kid buries his face in his hands and begins to cry. BLIND KID (weeping) Why can't I see! Why God? Hal puts a warm consoling hand on the weeping boy's shoulder. HAL Hey, Peter. C'mon champ, let me look at you. The Hot Teacher stops and curiously watches from a distance. The boy looks up at Hal, tears running down his dark sunglasses - he should get an Oscar. HAL You know, in life we're all given no more than we can bear. This happened to you maybe because you were meant to rise above it - Maybe to be an inspiration to the other little Peteys out there. BLIND KID You really think so, Hal? HAL Hey, does it LOOK like I'm lying? Now c'mon, go feel your way to class before you get your little butt suspended. The boy stands up and is about to take off. HAL Petey, wait a minute. Hal uses his shirt sleeve to wipe the tears away from the boy's face before sending him on his way. 39. The Hot Teacher grabs her chest. Her heart is about to absolutely melt. HAL Don't run into anything! EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS Plato lowers his binoculars. From his perspective, Hal should be next in line for popehood. PLATO I think I've seen enough, sir. This is your guy. MASTER MIND (O.S.) (over radio) Then return to base. We have much work to do. Plato starts up the van and pulls away. INT. BAR - DAY It's a busy night. A couple of trucker types are shooting pool as the bartender slings drinks. Hal is nursing a beer at the bar when he suddenly notices a very ATTRACTIVE WOMAN sitting next to him. As he goes to straighten his stool-posture, Hal suddenly catches himself on the bar's TELEVISION - it's a story about how he saved the woman and her baby at the construction site. He turns back to the Attractive Woman next to him, then back to the TV. A plan of attack is forming. HAL (obviously playing it up for the woman's benefit) Oh, there it is again. This is really getting embarrassing now. The woman looks up at the screen and gives Hal a double-take. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN Oh my God! It's you! You're the man who saved that woman and her baby the other day! It is you, isn't it? TRUCKER #1, getting a drink at the bar next to them, OVERHEARS. 40. Hal rolls his eyes and puts his hands up in the air. HAL (to Attractive Woman) Oh, crap. You got me. TRUCKER#1 taps Hal on the shoulder. TRUCKER#1 Let me tell you something. That was just about the bravest damn thing I've ever witnessed. (he turns to the rest of the bar) Hey, everybody! This guy's the hero from TV! The bar ERUPTS IN CHEERS. MOMENTS LATER Hal is riding on the shoulders of TRUCKER#2 and TRUCKER#3 as `I'm Holding Out For A Hero' plays on the jukebox. TRUCKER#1 suddenly puts his hands in the air. The room quickly goes silent. TRUCKER#1 I want to give you something. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a medal. He holds it up in the air for everyone to see. TRUCKER#1 (CONT'D) Lost my whole platoon. They were a lot a good boys, a lot of good boys. That was just the way things were in "The Grenada." I'd rather a real hero have this. Trucker#1 gives the medal to a speechless Hal. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN Hey, you're on TV again. The crowd looks up at the Television. TELEVISION - CONTINUOUS The anchor man, BRAD HELMS (early 40's, amazing mustache), suddenly has a memo passed to him. 41. BRAD HELMS This just in. Upon a second look at that tape from this morning, which we'll now replay for you, it appears it was not the heroic act it first seemed to be. The tape shows Hal running in slow motion. BRAD HELMS (O.S.) (CONT'D) With the tape slowed down you can actually see the man push the woman and her child out of the way in an effort to save his own life. The tape shows Hal, in a clear act of self-preservation, pushing the woman and child out of the way. CUT BACK TO: INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS In unison, everyone turns their heads back to Hal. HAL I guess that looks kinda bad. Trucker#1 snatches his medal back. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT Master Mind, Da Vinci and Plato look down, spotting Hal cutting through a dark alley. DA VINCI There he is, boss. Da Vinci hands Master Mind a fantastic looking silver rifle. MASTER MIND Now, we're sure this won't kill him? PLATO Yes, sir. He'll just feel a slight electrical shock. MASTER MIND Good. Master Mind raises the rifle and aims it at Hal. 42. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Hal wipes the blood from his nose with his shirtsleeve. A LIGHTENING BOLT suddenly zaps Hal in the back. His teeth spark and arc electrons as his entire body shakes and shudders violently. He finally collapses, knocking over a row of garbage cans. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT An angry Master Mind slaps Plato. MASTER MIND Slight electrical shock? EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Hal lies flat on his back, his jacket smoldering. Dazed, he slowly rises to his feet and looks up at the sky. HAL God, I hate the weather in this city. Hal walks off into the night as he attempts to slap the emitting smoke from his jacket. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT Master Mind turns to Da Vinci. MASTER MIND Follow him. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT It's a dirty, small studio. Laundry lies everywhere, dishes are piled in the sink and the litter box looks like a minefield. Hal comes staggering in. Through his POV we see the lights wobble and streak like a hallucination. He shakes his head trying to clear thing up, but it looks worse. Hal makes his way to the kitchen table and plops down on a chair. The room begins to swim. His CAT jumps on the table and sits down in front of him. 43. From Hal's POV the cat's face looks like we're seeing it through a kaleidoscope. Hal seems fascinated by it. CAT You don't look so good, man. HAL I don't feel good. I was struck by freaking lightening. Suddenly Hal realizes his cat's talking to him. HAL (CONT'D) AAAAAAHHHHH! You can talk? CAT No, you're just hallucinating. By the way, we're out of orange juice. HAL AAAAAAHHHHH! Hal jumps up, trips over a cardboard box and knocks himself out on the coffee table. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - MORNING Hal lies in the same position we left him last night. He sits up and grabs his head. He looks like he has the worst hangover in the world. Finally, he remembers last night. He looks around, but not really sure what he's looking for. HAL Man... Shaking his head, he walks to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. He pulls out an orange juice container and puts it to his mouth. It's empty. As if suddenly remembering something he looks from the carton to the cat, who is busy cleaning himself. He shakes the thought from his mind. BATHROOM Hal lifts the seat and unbuckles his pants. 44. HAL'S FACE He stares at the ceiling with half closed eyes. The inevitable sound of urine hitting water starts. A content look washes over his face. There is a distinct sound of porcelain CRACKING and SPLINTERING. The sound intensifies. Hal looks down to see his URINE STREAM SMASHING THE TOILET. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He whips his stream away only to cut a LONG RIP IN THE WALL. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He freaks out and begins to lose control of his flow as it destroys everything he accidently aims at; the bathroom mirror, a bottle of cheap cologne, the bathroom window. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He aims back for the toilet, which is pretty much rubble now, to see the floor give way. Finally, the pee stops and he glances down the hole. He sees his downstairs NEIGHBOR sitting at his breakfast table. He has a fork halfway to his mouth as he stares at the smashed toilet on his pancakes. EXT. STREET - DAY Hal turns the corner to see his bus pulling away from the stop. HAL Wait! He starts running after it. ZOOM - HE TAKES OFF LIKE LIGHTENING. HAL (CONT'D) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Unable to stop, he SLAMS INTO THE BACK OF THE BUS and falls back to the ground. 45. As the bus continues on he sees an INDENTATION of his torso right below the rear window. Stunned, to say the least, he rises to his feet. HAL (CONT'D) Something's not right here. He slaps himself in the face as hard as he can. HAL (CONT'D) Wake up! Wake up, Hal! HONK! Hal spins around to see a car barreling toward him. He goes to jump out of the way - ZOOM - he FLIES TWO STORIES UP, nails a building and comes crashing back down to the sidewalk. Hal sits up, disheveled and scared. HAL (CONT'D) Okay, okay. Let's get it together, man. He closes his eyes in an attempt to will back his sanity. HAL (CONT'D) This is just some sort of...episode. It will pass, it will pass. He opens his eyes and looks down the street. A BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN is coming toward him. HAL (CONT'D) Well, not too fast I hope. As she passes him and turns the corner out of his view he catches ANOTHER NAKED WOMAN - an old disgusting one. HAL (CONT'D) Yes, fast, fast! He turns away from her in horror only to see AN ENTIRE BLOCK OF NAKED PEOPLE going about their business. He rubs his eyes and looks down the street again. Everyone has returned to a clothed state. 46. He relaxes a little until he looks down and notices that he's floating a foot off the ground. HAL (CONT'D) I think I need to go home. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - DAY Hal's front door CREAKS as it slowly opens, revealing Master Mind. He walks over to the bathroom and smiles to himself as he notices the giant hole in the floor. MASTER MIND Welcome to your second birth, Hal Stewart. Master Mind continues to survey the room. He stops to look over a "KARATE KID" POSTER on Hal's living room wall. He focuses on the majestic image of Pat Morita teaching a young Ralph Macchio to kick. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Instruction is very important in the formative years. Every hero needs a mentor, a father figure to look up to. He presses his special watch, causing his body to MORPH INTO THE SPITTING-IMAGE OF PAT MORITA. "PAT MORITA" Perfect. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - DAY Hal enters, grabs a bottle of vodka from atop of the fridge and takes a long pull from it. VOICE (O.S.) A man will usually find that if he drinks from a bottle, eventually, the bottle drinks from him. Hal does a SPIT TAKE. In the corner a darkened figure stands. HAL Who are you!? 47. VOICE I am the guide on your journey. Fate has chosen you to be it's champion. Pat Morita steps out from the shadows. Hal passes out again. LATER We are close on Hal's face as his eyes flutter open. He appears to be lying on the couch. He hunches up on his elbows, looks around, but everything is as it seems. He lays his head back down. HAL Thank God. It was a dream. Man, I must be losing it. A voice sounds right next to his ear. "PAT MORITA" (O.S.) You know you're out of orange juice? Hal leaps up to find he's been resting his head on Pat's lap. HAL Jesus! This isn't happening, this isn't happening. Hal backs away and trips over a box. "PAT MORITA" Calm. All things must be filtered through calmness. HAL Bullshit! Sometimes it's best to freak out. "PAT MORITA" I think we must work on your attitude first. HAL Look I'm gonna call the cops in about two seconds if you don't get out of here. 48. Pat rises and walks to Hal. He's so calm it makes Hal calm. "PAT MORITA" Are you calm now? HAL Yeah, I'm okay. Pat slaps him across the face hard. "PAT MORITA" Good, because we've got a lot of work to do. Hal grabs his jaw. HAL What the hell was that for? "PAT MORITA" Rule number one: expect the unexpected. HAL Can you just tell me what this is all about? "PAT MORITA" The heavens are not in the habit of bestowing a gift such as this to just anyone. You are being rewarded for being a man of great moral fortitude with an unwavering belief in humanity. HAL That's me alright. "PAT MORITA" I am to train you so you may fulfill your destiny to defeat the great menace to Metro City: Master Mind. Pat gets up and walks toward the door. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) Come. HAL We're are we going? 49. "PAT MORITA" To train. EXT. PAT'S CAR - DAY Pat is sitting in the driver's seat. The car is bumping up and down. "PAT MORITA" Strength is just as much in the mind as it is the muscle. Remember, both need to be exercised. We PULL BACK to see Hal lifting the car up over his head. He's hardly straining. HAL I'M LIFTING A FREAKING CAR!!! Pat leans on the HORN. "PAT MORITA" Hey, Corky? You listening? Two highly attractive female joggers run by. They're clearly impressed with Hal's show of strength. He smiles and mouths a "hello." HAL Yeah, work both muscles. EXT. DESERT - DAY Pat cocks back the chamber of a .357 MAGNUM. He holds it up and carefully takes aim...at Hal's chest. "PAT MORITA" Trust me. HAL What are you doing!? "PAT MORITA" An invulnerability test. Something wrong? HAL Uh...yeah. I would prefer not to get shot. Do not fire that thing! Frustrated, Pat lowers the gun. 50. "PAT MORITA" You're bulletproof. HAL Okay, do you know that for sure? Pat quickly aims and fires. Hal lets out a high pitched scream as the bullet ricochets off his chest. "PAT MORITA" I do now. Hal looks down at his chest, not so much as a scratch. HAL You suck. EXT. SKY - DAY Hal is in the air flying in a sitting position. He's weaving back and forth. HAL Ice Man, I got a bogie on my tail. Two Russian Migs coming in hard and fast. "PAT MORITA" Hey! HAL What? Hal looks down to see Pat Morita yelling at him from the roof of a building down below. "PAT MORITA" What did I tell you? Stomach down, hands up. Hal sighs and assumes the proper superhero in-flight position. HAL God, I feel so gay. Pat's CELL PHONE begins to RING. He answers it. "PAT MORITA" (in Master Mind voice) What is it? 51. ROXANNE (V.O.) John? Pat panics. He looks up to make sure no one is in earshot. He sees Hal now doing somersaults in the air. HAL YEEEE HAWWWW! Pat turns his attention back to the phone, talking in his John Cusack voice. "PAT MORITA" (in Cusack voice) Yes, it's John Cusack. ROXANNE (V.O.) Hi, it's Roxanne. Listen, I...I really enjoyed talking with you the other day. "PAT MORITA" ...As did I. ROXANNE (V.O.) Great. God, I feel really silly, and if you have a lot going on I totally understand. But, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have lunch. He can't believe what he's hearing. "PAT MORITA" (excited) I'd love to! He quickly recovers his composure. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) I mean, I AM a little hungry. ROXANNE (V.O.) Great. How does the park sound, around noon-ish? "PAT MORITA" Sure! ROXANNE (V.O.) Great, see you then. 52. Pat hangs up the phone and returns it to his pocket as Hal lands behind him. HAL WHOOOOA! Man, that is so cool. It's like fly - Oh my God, I almost said it was like flying. "PAT MORITA" For the rest of the day I want you to continue to practice your flying posture. HAL Why, where're ya going? "PAT MORITA" ...To do something...mysterious ...and Asian. HAL Say no more, bro. I'll just keep at it, then. EXT. PARK - DAY John Cusack and Roxanne eat WRAPPED SANDWICHES while walking through Metro City Park. ROXANNE How's your sandwich? "JOHN CUSACK" It's quite delicious. ROXANNE Hope you don't think I'm too forward. Some men are intimidated when a woman asks them out. I just find you really easy to talk to. "JOHN CUSACK" And I you. ROXANNE You know, you're not at all like you are in the movies. "JOHN CUSACK" I'm not? 53. ROXANNE Yeah. I don't know - You have this strange, refined way of speaking. "JOHN CUSACK" I do? That is most interesting. ROXANNE Anyway, when we were talking the other day I just felt, even though we only talked for a couple of hours, that we've known each other for years. "JOHN CUSACK" I know just what you mean. Roxanne bites into her sandwich. ROXANNE You know what? This sandwich is disgusting. She tosses it in a nearby garbage can. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Of course I already ate half of it. I wonder what that says about my character? "JOHN CUSACK" It means you don't give up on a sandwich. You see that it has potential, and you give it every chance to be all it can be. Roxanne smiles at his analogy. ROXANNE Thanks, but knowing me, I was probably projecting my expectations of what a lunch should be on the sandwich. It might have been okay at first, but I just made it bitter. John Cusack notices Roxanne's smile starting to fade. "JOHN CUSACK" Is that what happened with your last sandwich - I mean, boyfriend? 54. ROXANNE When I look back, I probably shouldn't of expected so much from him. He was already a giving person. You know, one of those go out and save the world types. "JOHN CUSACK" I've run into a few. ROXANNE I was selfish, I guess. I didn't want to share him with anybody else. "JOHN CUSACK" It sounds like he was a special man. ROXANNE They broke the mold. John Cusack arches his eyebrow in a very familiar manner. "JOHN CUSACK" Perhaps not. INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY Hal walks up to Pat Morita sporting a Lone Ranger-type mask and wearing a purple and red superhero costume. It's not unlike Uberman's except for a giant "T" on his chest. (From here on, Hal is referred to as TITAN) TITAN What's the "T" stand for? "PAT MORITA" Titan. TITAN What's that supposed to mean? "PAT MORITA" It's from Roman mythology. Zeus's father...oh, just go with it. You look perfect. TITAN I don't think this mask is big enough. Are you sure no one is gonna recognize me? 55. "PAT MORITA" It's fine, just don't slouch. It's all in the posture. He grabs Titan's shoulders like a proud papa. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) It is time. INT. BANK - DAY There is a long line of people snaked around the velvet ropes. They're all waiting for their chance at the one open teller window. Four men wearing BEATLES MASKS(JOHN,PAUL,GEORGE,AND RINGO)and CARRYING SHOTGUNS enter the bank. John fires a shot in the air, sending everyone into an immediate panic. JOHN Alright folks, this is a robbery. Nobody moves - yadda, yadda, yadda... Ringo jumps over the teller wall and starts stuffing bills into a bag. As John and Paul cover the crowd, George goes to the corner office and puts a gun to the BANK MANAGER'S head. GEORGE The safe. Let's go. BANK MANAGER Okay, just don't hurt anyone. GEORGE Yeah, yeah, yeah. George leads him out by the collar. CRASH - Titan smashes through the window and lands in a bold superhero stance with hands on hips. TITAN Well, boys, there's no need for all this just to get the free toaster. Paul cocks his gun. 56. PAUL What are you suppose to be? We move in for a nice dramatic close up. TITAN Justice. GEORGE Well, justice, suck on this... George, John and Paul open fire on Titan. He just stands there and yawns as the bullets bounce off him. With their guns empty the three just stare at him in amazement. TITAN Now it's my turn. He turns to George. TITAN (CONT'D) Hey, George, here comes the sun. Titan grabs George and throws him into a fluorescent light fixture in the ceiling. Paul tries to run for the door. Titan snatches the collar of his jacket. TITAN (CONT'D) Say, Paul, your mother should know...that you're a scumbag. He tosses Paul out the window and into a parked DELIVERY TRUCK. Titan turns around just as John hits him with the butt of his shotgun. It instantly breaks apart in his hands. Titan lifts him like a rag doll up into the air. TITAN (CONT'D) John, all you need is love... He throws John who lands on top of a cubical wall - GROIN FIRST. TITAN (CONT'D) ...and a good urologist. 57. Titan effortlessly hops over the teller wall to find Ringo cowering on the floor. He grabs him by the shirt and lifts him up. HAL Well, Ringo...um...um...you're under arrest. EXT. BANK - DAY Titan walks out of the bank with Ringo and George under his arm. He's suddenly swarmed by a group of television reporters, including Roxanne. Across the street is Pat Morita. He watches Titan's first news conference with great anxiety. BANK MANAGER (to Hal) On behalf of the First National Bank of Metro City, I'd like to offer you a reward for your act of bravery. He hands Titan a check. TITAN (reading) Ten thousand dollars! Titan looks over to Pat, who violently shakes his head no. TITAN (CONT'D) (unenthusiastically) I...can't except this. Law and order is it's own...um...reward. Pat gives him the thumbs up. Pat turns, suddenly seeing Roxanne with her camera crew. Captivated, his eyes lock on her. Meanwhile, Roxanne and her cameraman, SETH, are maneuvering around the crowd to get closer to Titan. BRAD HELMS (O.S.) Not so fast, Roxanne. They both turn to see Roxanne's reporter rival Brad Helms, Geraldo without the class, and his cameraman, FRANK. BRAD HELMS This story's mine. 58. ROXANNE Listen, Brad. We were just in the area. I was just trying to - BRAD HELMS I've been in this business long enough to know pretty well what you were "just trying to do." Besides, I heard you couldn't take the big game anymore and were put on fluff detail? Dejected, Roxanne turns and motions for Seth to turn the camera off. SETH You're not gonna take that from him, are you? ROXANNE He's right. Old habit, I guess. (to Brad) We'll get out of your way. As they walk off, Brad makes a comment to Frank loud enough for her to hear. BRAD HELMS Besides, I'm sure there's a pancake supper somewhere that needs covering. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - OFFICE - DAY ON TELEVISION We see the news conference on the bank's steps. In the corner of the screen is written: "recorded earlier." BRAD HELMS For months now, since the death of Uberman, the citizens of Metro City have been holding out for a hero. Well, it appears they won't have to hold out for much longer as a new costumed crusader has suddenly stormed onto the scene. Today, at the Metro Savings and Trust, a masked mystery man single-handedly defeated "The Fab Four Gang." Just who is this new caped avenger? Brad holds the microphone to Titan's face. 59. BRAD HELMS I'm sure all of our viewers are now wondering, what's the "T" stand for? TITAN It's a message to all the scum out there. Uberman may be gone, but Metro City has a new protector, and his name is "Tighten!" Another reporter leans in. REPORTER How do you spell that? We PULL BACK to see Plato and Da Vinci watching this spectacle. Master Mind is sitting with them, reading a NEWSPAPER. MASTER MIND (reading paper) Oh, for heaven's sake. I can't believe it. He misspelled his name. Master Mind holds up the newspaper. The headline reads "Metro's New Hero: Tighten." MASTER MIND (CONT'D) No matter, I suppose. Master Mind throws the paper on the floor and begins to pace around the room with his arms folded behind his back. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) We've now fully established Titan as Metro City's hero. They will love him just as they loved Uberman. Everything is going according to plan. Einstein leans over and whispers in Plato's ear. EINSTEIN (whispering) Yeah, if the plan is getting us in jail. Master Mind turns around, facing Einstein. He walks over, standing face to face with the rebellious henchmen. 60. MASTER MIND You know, Einstein, maybe I should have called you Socrates. He also didn't know when to keep his thoughts to himself. EINSTEIN I just fail to see the point in all of this. I mean, why are we creating another superhero when it was such a pain in the ass for you to get rid of the other one? I mean, Uberman is destroyed, we should be using this opportunity to...to... MASTER MIND To what? EINSTEIN I don't know. To take over the weather, space, the world - whatever super villains are SUPPOSED to do. MASTER MIND The reason someone like you will always be a minion is because you have no foresight. We take over the earth, like you said. Then what? Women? Cars? Money? Even the grandest treasures will lose their lustre if you don't have someone to hold them over. Einstein throws up his hands. He's had enough. He pulls off his wig and throws it to the floor. EINSTEIN That's it! This balance of the force bullshit is getting way too Oprah for me. I'm blowing. Who's with me? MASTER MIND You dare? EINSTEIN Yeah, I dare. I'm sick of wearing stupid costumes, and I'm sick of working for a super villain who's turning into a softie. 61. Plato and Da Vinci's mouths drop to the floor. They turn to Master Mind for his rebuttal. MASTER MIND What - did - you - call me? EINSTEIN You heard me. You used to be an inhuman monster, now look at you. You're creating super heroes, you don't go with us on robberies anymore, it's been days since you threatened anyone, oh, and not to mention this Roxanne Ritchi thing. MASTER MIND THAT is none of your business, knave! EINSTEIN Hey, you guys haven't sealed the deal yet, have you? MASTER MIND Silence! EINSTEIN (In a woman's voice) Oh, Master, your head is so big. MASTER MIND I'm warning you, Einstein. EINSTEIN (In a woman's voice) Take me! MASTER MIND I said silence! With his metal gauntlet Master Mind grabs Einstein by the throat and lifts him into the air. Einstein looks frightened as he tries to pry himself free of Master Mind's grip. Master Mind's eyes soften as if his heart is suddenly not into what he's about to do. He let's Einstein drop to the floor. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Get out of my sight. 62. EXT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Roxanne and John Cusack are eating on the outside patio of a fancy restaurant. ROXANNE Don't get me wrong, I love being a reporter. I don't think I could do anything else. It's the consequences of what we do that I'm having a problem with. He listens intently as he refills her glass with wine. "JOHN CUSACK" That's where journalistic responsibility comes in, no? ROXANNE It's supposed to. "JOHN CUSACK" Sounds to me like you're running from something. ROXANNE I got someone I cared about killed. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been involved. John suddenly gets a disturbed look in his eye, realizing what she's talking about. He reaches across the table and takes her hand. "JOHN CUSACK" You can't blame yourself. My father used to say each of us must answer the great call to truly feel alive. ROXANNE Was he an actor? "JOHN CUSACK" ...No. He was...a landscaper. And a horrible one. I mean he would fail time and time again at his...landscaping. And sometimes he'd get pretty beaten up or thrown in jail - ROXANNE Jail? 63. "JOHN CUSACK" My point is he took the good with the bad. He grew a little each time. Improved, learned. ROXANNE Was he ever successful? "JOHN CUSACK" God, no...but don't let deter you. Roxanne LAUGHS. ROXANNE Thanks for this. You know, this is embarrassing, but it's been a long time since I - It's starting to lightly sprinkle. Roxanne looks up. ROXANNE (CONT'D) I think it's starting to rain. We might want to find a table inside. "JOHN CUSACK" What were you gonna say? ROXANNE Oh, I was gonna say...It's been a long time since...well, I've been with someone I...enjoy being with. John Cusack smiles warmly and raises his glass for a toast. "JOHN CUSACK" To people who enjoy being with each other. They go to clang glasses, when the rain suddenly causes John Cusack's disguise generator to short. His true form of Master Mind is briefly revealed to Roxanne as a BOLT OF ELECTRICITY encircles his body. Roxanne drops her glass and jumps out of her seat. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Oh, no. Don't look at me. LIKE A BROKEN TV the image keeps switching between MASTER MIND AND JOHN CUSACK. 64. As Master Mind starts to franticly slap at his watch, the Cusack disguise begins to hold steady. He nonchalantly returns to cutting his steak. "JOHN CUSACK" Okay, never mind that. Now, where were we? Roxanne grabs his glass and throws the drink in his face, causing the generator to short out permanently. Master Mind now sits in his true blue form. ROXANNE Oh my God. MASTER MIND You're not gonna get all freaky about this, are you? ROXANNE This...this is too much, even for you. God, I go out with you, tell you my innermost thoughts. MASTER MIND I only did this because I wanted to talk to you on the same level. You know, without all the baggage? ROXANNE Baggage? You burned my boyfriend alive, you sick son-of-a-bitch! MASTER MIND You see, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Roxanne starts to walk away. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Roxanne! ROXANNE Stay away from me. Master Mind sinks back down to his chair. Despite the now heavy rain bombarding him, he returns to his food. Several resturaunt patron's are looking at him through the window. 65. Our villain turns to them, giving them a villainous glare. MASTER MIND What? INT. MASTER MIND'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Master Mind is lying on his back, wide awake. MASTER MIND (mumbling to himself) Stupid. What was I thinking? Plato, it's his fault. He's the one who sent me on this weak-willed path. I'll filet his scrotum for this. Me, a creature of evil, in love with Roxanne Ritchi. Preposterous. I hardly give such matters thought He rolls onto his side. He yawns and closes his eyes. Suddenly, they shoot back open. CUT TO: EXT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Master Mind pulls up in a blue Rolls Royce, across the street from Roxanne's apartment He stares up at the building, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Finally, she appears, primping her hair in her apartment window's reflection. MASTER MIND I should just go up there and just lay it all out to her. "Roxanne, I like you - I always have. Oh, and I'm sorry I blew up your ex. (realizing the absurdity of his words) Yeah, that would go over like a pants-less clown at a child's birthday party. What the hell am I even doing here? Who cares what she thinks? I'm a supervillain and here I am acting like a love struck schoolboy. Forget this. I control my own destiny! 66. He turns the ignition key - NOTHING HAPPENS. He repeats but gets the same results. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (disgusted) Perfect. INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT She pulls a pack of smokes off her night stand. Empty. ROXANNE Damn. She grabs her long coat and throws it over her robe. EXT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT BUILDING Roxanne steps outside. ROXANNE Please be open. Across the street is a liquor store. The light is still on. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Thank God. She walks across the street, passing in front of Master Mind's car. Spotting her, he sinks down in his seat. Roxanne walks by, totally unaware of his presence. Relieved, Master Mind sits back up and watches her go into the store. INT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT Roxanne walks up to an elderly Korean SHOPKEEPER at the counter. ROXANNE A pack of Lady Strikes, please. EXT. MASTER MIND'S CAR - NIGHT Master Mind is talking on his cell phone. MASTER MIND Hello, Triple A? 67. He suddenly spots something across the street. EXT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT A HOODLUM walks up to the entrance of the store and pulls out a gun from under his coat. EXT. MASTER MIND'S CAR - NIGHT Master Mind stares in shock. MASTER MIND I'll call you back. He hangs up the phone and watches the Hoodlum go inside the store. INT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT The Hoodlum reaches across the counter and grabs a fist full of cash from the register. SHOPKEEPER Hey! SHOTGUN HOODLUM Shut up, Gramps. He turns to Roxanne, spotting a GOLD NECKLACE around her neck. SHOTGUN HOODLUM (CONT'D) Gimme that necklace! ROXANNE I don't think so. The Hoodlum cocks his shotgun. SHOTGUN HOODLUM I said give it to me! MASTER MIND (O.S.) The lady said no. The hoodlum turns around to see Master Mind in the doorway holding a STRANGE-LOOKING HAND CANNON (GOO GUN) with knobs and blinking lights. The hoodlum starts to laugh. 68. SHOTGUN HOODLUM What the hell's that? A super soaker? MASTER MIND No, it's a goo gun. The hoodlum turns his gun to Master Mind. SHOTGUN HOODLUM Yeah, what's it do? MASTER MIND It goos. Master Mind fires the cannon. It instantly covers the store in a cloud of SMOKE. The smoke clears to reveal the hoodlum STUCK TO THE WALL, covered in a thick, GREEN GUNK. Roxanne stares at him, dumbfounded. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) It's...a prototype. Master Mind starts to walk out when he's suddenly confronted by the shopkeeper. SHOPKEEPER I know you! You Master Brain guy. You a hero. Master Mind points the goo gun at him. MASTER MIND Don't - EVER - say that again. EXT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT Master Mind walks out with the cannon resting on his shoulder like he's a short timer in Da Nang. Roxanne follows shortly behind him. ROXANNE Hey! Master Mind turns around. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Are you following me or something? 69. MASTER MIND Don't flatter yourself. He turns away and continues walking. Roxanne runs in front of him blocking his way. ROXANNE Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you. Finally it occurs to her what's going on. ROXANNE (CONT'D) What a minute...all that stuff you use to say to me when Uberman was alive - about me being the loyal queen by your side as you rule over Metro City. That wasn't just super villain rhetoric, was it? You actually meant it! MASTER MIND My, someone has a rather high opinion of themselves. They stare at each other in silence, their glares locked in conflict. ROXANNE (coldly) Do you really think I would be with someone like you? This stings Master Mind to the bone. And after a brief contemplation, he reaches the only logical, painful conclusion. MASTER MIND No. With that, Master Mind exits into the night, leaving Roxanne with a baffled expression on her face. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind enters in a huff. Da Vinci closes the door behind him as Plato notices his master's agitated state. PLATO Everything alright, sir? Master Mind GRABS PLATO BY THE GROIN with his metal gauntlet causing Plato's eyes to bulge in pain. 70. MASTER MIND (overly calm) Fine, why do you ask? PLATO You...just...seem... Master Mind tightens his grip. MASTER MIND Go on. PLATO ...distracted. Master Mind releases him. MASTER MIND Just with business, my minion. Just with business. I've decided it is time. PLATO You mean? MASTER MIND Yes, we've created our hero, now it's time to give him a little motivation. DA VINCI How do we do that? MASTER MIND To be simply good is not enough. A hero must be driven by an almost relentless desire to right a wrong that can never be corrected. PLATO You mean? MASTER MIND Yes, he must lose someone near and dear to him - his father figure. Gentlemen, it's time for Operation Mentor Kill! EXT. SKY OVER METRO CITY - DAY Titan flies high over and through the city, under bridges, between buildings, etc. He's not really working, just enjoying himself. 71. INT. WOMAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT A PRETTY WOMAN sits at her makeup table wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Through the reflection in her mirror we see a large window directly behind her. As she applies lipstick we see Titan fly quickly by in the background. After a moment he slowly slides back in view and begins ogling the girl. She sees him in the mirror and quickly covers herself with a robe. Titan tries to hide his face as he zooms off. MOMENTS LATER Titan looks down to see an APARTMENT BUILDING IN RUIN. Emergency lights flash around it as swarms of people run around in chaos. TITAN Man, what the hell happened down there? Wait a sec - He stops in mid-air as he comes to the striking realization. TITAN (CONT'D) THAT'S MY APARTMENT!!! EXT. HAL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Titan lands in front of the rubble that was once his home. Reporters stand just beyond the police line. TITAN Crap. From the wreckage crawls a dying Pat Morita. TITAN (CONT'D) PAT! Titan goes and kneels beside Pat, holding him in his arms. TITAN (CONT'D) You okay? "PAT MORITA" I'm dying, kid. There is just one last lesson I have for you. It is the most important of all. 72. TITAN What's that? "PAT MORITA" Master Mind did this, you must avenge me. TITAN Master Mind? Why? "PAT MORITA" Because he's evil. You must stop the evil Hal - stop the... Pat's body goes limp. The cameras begin to pop and flash around them. Titan gently lays Pat's body down and stands respectfully over him. The reporters rush over. REPORTER 1 Tighten, Is this the work of Master Mind? REPORTER 2 How will the death of your mentor affect your resolve? REPORTER 3 Was that Pat Morita? Titan walks up to one of the cameras. TITAN This injustice will not go unpunished. Master Mind, if you can hear me, Tighten is coming for you. In the background we see Plato and Da Vinci, DRESSED AS PARAMEDICS, load pat's body onto a stretcher. PLATO ACCIDENTALLY DROPS HIS SIDE. As he bends down to pick it back up, Pat quickly slaps him, then goes back to playing dead. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind and the boys prepare the fortress for Hal's revenge attack. Master Mind is as giddy as a schoolboy. 73. MASTER MIND Alright, people, we don't have much time. Titan should be here any minute, so let's get the lead out. There is a GIANT MOUNTED DEATH RAY in the middle of the hall being tinkered with by Da Vinci. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) How's the death ray coming? DA VINCI Nearly up to full power, sir. MASTER MIND Hum. Let's turn it down a few notches. It's his first time and we don't want to get in a lucky shot, now do we? Plato enters the room. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Anything on the radar yet? PLATO Not yet, sir. MASTER MIND I see. Well, he must be planning something big. Are the flame androids deployed? PLATO All twelve. Master Mind rubs his hands in anticipation as he sits down on his throne. MASTER MIND Wonderful, wonderful. Plato, Da Vinci, take your places next to me. They move to either side of the chair. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) No slouching. Da Vinci straightens up and sucks in his gut. They remain this way for several long moments. Master Mind occasionally glances at a DIGITAL CLOCK on the wall. Still no Titan. 74. LATER Apparently quite some time has passed. The bold stances have degraded to fatigue. PLATO He's certainly taking his time. MASTER MIND He'll be here. That's the way it works. STILL LATER Master Mind reclines in his chair and taps his metal gauntlet impatiently on the armrest. Plato has squatted down, resting his chin on his hand. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Unprofessional, that's what this is. No, it's disrespect for the craft. Master Mind rises and begins to pace back and forth. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Would Uberman have kept us waiting like this? Of course not. He was a pro who knew the score. It's time we spelled out a few things for this Titan. I will not be made a fool of. He storms out of the room. INT. HAL'S NEW APARTMENT - DAY Titan's sitting on the floor in a barren apartment wearing his costume top and some tighty whities. He sips his beer as he watches a basketball game on a tiny TV. Much to his annoyance, there's a KNOCK at the door. TITAN Oh, for crying out loud. He gets up and opens the door. It's Master Mind. MASTER MIND Do you know who I am? 75. It takes a few moments to register, but Titan's suddenly excited. TITAN Yeah, you're Master Mind. Yeah! You're actually the guy I want to see! MASTER MIND Oh, so NOW you want to get down to it. Well, I want to get a few things off my chest first. Master Mind walks past Titan into the apartment. He spins around, pointing at him accusingly with one of his metal fingers. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Of all the inconsiderate - Do you have any idea how long we waited for you? We're you even planning on coming to me and getting revenge? Titan shuts the apartment door, and turns back toward his guest. TITAN Well, at first I was going to. You know, because that's what I figured I was supposed to do. But then I got to thinking- MASTER MIND (interrupting) -You got to thinking? There's nothing to think about. I'm the villain. I do something bad, you come and get me. TITAN - I got to thinking...what's the point? Master Mind throws up his hands. MASTER MIND Maybe you're right. What's the point? He suddenly notices something in the corner of his eye. He walks over to a futon in the living room. On top of it is a LARGE SACK OVERFLOWING WITH GOLD WATCHES,RINGS AND OTHER VALUABLES. 76. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What are these? TITAN That's what I wanted to talk to you about. MASTER MIND (baffled) Where did you get all this? TITAN (proudly) Get this: I stole them. MASTER MIND From where? TITAN From all over. You see, once you killed Pat and ruined my other apartment building I was pretty pissed off, so I figured I'd go, find you and kick some ass. Then I thought to myself: "Okay,then what?" I mean, if we were to fight, what would I get out of it? Would I get my apartment back? Would I be able to pay the bills? MASTER MIND Well, what about your mentor? TITAN Tell you the truth? He was kind of a dick. I mean, being a hero is dandy and all, but it's volunteer work. Now you've always had the right take on all this. I mean, when you rob a bank or take over the diamond exchange you get something out of it. I mean, when you don't get caught, which, no offense, isn't very often. And that brings me to what I wanted to propose to you: Who could catch you if I'm by your side? Perplexed by his proposal, Master Mind just stares at Titan awe-struck. MASTER MIND You want to team-up? 77. TITAN You got the brains, I got the brawn. We could even call ourselves that: `Brain' and `Brawn'. Look at this. Titan picks up a piece of POSTER BOARD off the floor and shows it to Master Mind. TITAN (CONT'D) I even designed us some new costumes. The picture is crudely drawn with magic markers and crayons. A big headed man (Master Mind) is standing on a plate of grass in a blue costume with a picture of a brain on his chest. Next to him, is a picture of Titan in a red costume with a black cape, but his chest is mysteriously blank. Titan proudly points to the two figures. TITAN (CONT'D) See, you'd be brain, so you got a little one on your costume, and then I'll have brawn on mine...once I figure out the best, you know, visual interpretation of it. What do you think? MASTER MIND What do I think? Master Mind shakes his head tiredly. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I think you're probably the biggest idiot I've ever met. I mean, I can't believe you. All your gifts, all your powers, and all you want to use them for is your own financial fulfillment. You know what? Your kind of people make me sick. Titan puts down his drawing. TITAN I worked hard on this. MASTER MIND Oh - gee - I am so sorry! 78. Master Mind looks to Heaven in disgust. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (under his breath) Of all the people to pick, it had to be this loser. This strikes a cord with Titan. TITAN Now, hold on. You're going a little too far. MASTER MIND I wish your mother said that to your father the night of your conception, they would have saved me a whole lot of heartache. TITAN Hey, I mean it. Master Mind gets right in his face. MASTER MIND Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do? EXT. HAL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY We see Master Mind's body CRASH through the building and land in a DUMPSTER across the street. A car pulls up. The driver's door opens. Da Vinci gets out and runs to help his master. DA VINCI Master! MASTER MIND (O.S.) It hurts. Da Vinci peeks into the dumpster to see Master Mind's body cushioned by a stack of trash bags. DA VINCI What hurts? MASTER MIND It! The overly large henchmen starts to pull his master from the dumpster when they suddenly hear a voice from above. It's Titan peeking through the hole in his apartment wall. 79. TITAN I don't need you, I don't need anybody. I have the power to do and take anything I want. And now, I'm gonna take back everything this city owes me. Beware Metro City, it's time for Titan to collect. Titan shoots up into the air. TITAN (CONT'D) Oh, and from now on - I'M GONNA FLY THE WAY I WANT TO FLY! He takes a sitting position and flies away as if he were piloting an invisible jet. Master Mind climbs out of the dumpster and watches Titan disappear into the distance. DA VINCI How'd the plan go, boss? MASTER MIND I just made myself redundant, old friend. Da Vinci gives Master Mind a whiff. DA VINCI It's not that bad. INT. BANK - DAY Titan, with a happy bounce in his step, enters the bank. The last time he was here he thwarted a robbery. He looks nostalgic. A SECURITY GUARD shyly walks up to him like a kid meeting his TV idol. SECURITY GUARD Morning, Tighten. TITAN Morning. SECURITY GUARD Is there something we can do for you? 80. TITAN Oh, don't bother about me. I'm just here to make a withdrawal. Titan walks across the lobby, drawing stares of admiration from all. A little girl waves to him sweetly. He gives her a good- natured WINK as he heads straight for the vault. The security guard watches him enter and come out with a SACK OF CASH. Sure he must be misunderstanding what's going on, the security guard just stares at Titan as he passes by and out the door. The bank manager comes over to the guard. BANK MANAGER Say, did he just rob us? SECURITY GUARD Not sure. Sort of looks it, don't it? BANK MANAGER Yeah. SECURITY GUARD Should I, you know, stop him? BANK MANAGER Umm...Yeah. As the security guard exits the bank, the manager stares out the window. His eyes suddenly grow wide with terror. The guard's body suddenly smashes through the window, landing at the startled bank manager's feet. BANK MANAGER (CONT'D) (looking down at the guard) He did rob us, didn't he? CUT TO: TELEVISION "A Channel 7 News Special Report." Brad Helms wipes into view. 81. BRAD HELMS "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." When Lord Acton stated that, in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in 1887, no one thought much about it, but today Metro City is reeling from that very prophecy. Tighten, who many thought of as our savior, has turned his back on the cause of justice. CUT TO: TITAN BEING EVIL - MONTAGE EXT. DIAMOND EXCHANGE - DAY Titan flies through the window of the building. He emerges seconds later laughing with his shirt full of booty. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY A woman screams from the window of a BURNING BUILDING. Titan flies up to her, grabs her fur coat and zooms off again, leaving the woman behind, slightly confused. EXT. OUTSIDE MARKET - DAY Titan steals a little boy's lollipop and gooses his mother. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Dozens of people run through the streets apparently to get out of a downpour. We cut to the top of a building and see Titan ZIPPING UP HIS PANTS and laughing. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind paces back and forth in front of Plato and Da Vinci. PLATO I don't understand it. He seemed to have every characteristic we were looking for in a superhero. MASTER MIND Well, there's no use crying about it now, we must take action. I'm not going to play second fiddle to that crass buffoon. We must destroy Tighten. 82. PLATO It won't be easy. Uberman had a sense of decency and genuine love for the people. That was his weakness and was easily used against him. MASTER MIND Yes, but he possesses the same flaws present in Uberman's DNA - copper. It's like Benjamin Franklin always said: "If something works don't dick with it." EXT. BAR - DAY It looks like a war zone passed through here. Smashed police cars and debris lay everywhere. This seems to be the only building left untouched. INT. BAR - DAY A very tipsy Titan is sitting at the bar, looking deep into the bottom of his beer glass for answers. TITAN I can have anything I want. I'm like a god. The BARTENDER just listens as he wipes down a glass with a dirty rag. TITAN Point to any woman in this bar. I could have her in a second. He follows the bartender's gaze to THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THERE - A passed out, MIDDLE AGED HAG OF A BARFLY. TITAN (to Old Barfly) Hey, you wanna get with this? BARTENDER Buddy, what do you want? Titan carefully considers this for a moment. TITAN What do you want? That's the question, isn't it. I mean, what do you want when you can have everything? (MORE) 83. TITAN(cont'd) I suppose what I really want is to never be forgotten again. I want to do something that can never be cast aside or one-upped. I want a - what's it called? - A legacy. I want a legacy. Yeah, that's it. I like the sound that. BARTENDER I meant, what do you want to drink? TITAN Oh. EXT. BAR - LATER Titan stumbles out of the bar, carrying a large sack of money. MASTER MIND (O.S.) Your time has come to an end, Titan! He looks up to see Master Mind suddenly standing before him. TITAN What? MASTER MIND There can be only one master criminal in this city - and it's me. TITAN Really? Titan melodramatically throws up his arms. TITAN (CONT'D) I guess I should leave town then, huh? MASTER MIND I have a better idea - NOW! Two floors up Da Vinci releases a rope. A COPPER CAGE, like the one that caged Uberman, drops down on top of Titan. Titan nonchalantly surveys the cage. He walks to the bars, tries to pull them apart but can't. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) That's copper my good man. Your one weakness. (MORE) 84. MASTER MIND(cont'd) For all your amazing gifts of brawn you are no match for my intellect. Titan thinks for a moment. Suddenly, he starts to SPIN like a human top, DRILLING HIMSELF INTO THE STREET BELOW. As he disappears beneath the surface, we see a shocked look on Master Mind's face until Titan suddenly explodes out from under the street in front of him. Master Mind stares up at him, dumbfounded. Titan makes like he's going to strike him down, but stops. TITAN You know what? You're nothing but a bug. Not even worth my effort. He turns his back to Master Mind and continues down the street. Plato makes his way from the shadows to join his master. They watch Titan shrink into the distance. MASTER MIND He's not as dumb as I thought. PLATO I guess not...Funny, though. MASTER MIND What's funny? PLATO Funny Uberman didn't think of the same thing. EXT. HIGH ABOVE METRO CITY - DAY As Titan flies, he looks down at the rooftops of the city below. Suddenly, something catches his attention. HAL That's it! He stops, hovering in place as he looks down below. The buildings, which make up the heart of downtown Metro, are in a PERFECT TRIANGLE with a long strip of street leading up to it. It sorta looks like a bowling lane. 85. HAL Hello, Legacy. EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY Vinnie and his goons come running out as the hear a COMMOTION. They look up to see Titan ripping off THE GIANT BOWLING BALL from the top of the establishment. VINNIE Hey, that's my ball! INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Roxanne enters the building's elevator. Just before the door closes an ELDERLY WOMAN slides in. ELDERLY WOMAN That was a close one. Sixth floor, please. Roxanne smiles and goes to press the button. The elderly woman suddenly pulls out a SPRAY CAN, shooting a MYSTERIOUS-LOOKING MIST into Roxanne's face. She falls to the floor unconscious. INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - DAY Roxanne awakens, finding herself tied to a chair in her living room. We hear NOISE from a TV in the background as she tries to adjust her vision. Slowly, the blurry figure before her becomes clear. It's Master Mind. He sits on her Lazy-Boy, reading what looks to be some kind of JOURNAL. MASTER MIND Wow, I always thought Uberman was your first superhero - but it looks like our little Roxanne dated a linebacker in college. ROXANNE That's my diary. MASTER MIND So it is. 86. ROXANNE It's personal. MASTER MIND Well, then I wouldn't leave it in your underwear drawer for just anyone to find. He throws the diary over his shoulder. ROXANNE What do you want? MASTER MIND I need your help. ROXANNE So you knock me out and tie me to a chair? MASTER MIND You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you. As she tries to shake off her headache from being knocked unconscious, Roxanne spots something on the TV. ON TELEVISION Brad Helms is huddled behind a van. BRAD HELMS It's chaos here in city square as city police - Behind him, Titan picks up a POLICE CAR and throws it at a PADDY WAGON. Both vehicles EXPLODE on impact. BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE He's really out of control. MASTER MIND Tell me about it. As if finally realizing something, Roxanne looks back at Master Mind. ROXANNE I should have known. You have something to do with this, don't you? - With Titan turning evil. 87. MASTER MIND Well, the evil thing he did by himself. My goal was to give MYSELF purpose by creating an intellectual sparring partner. ROXANNE (confused) You're talking like you made him. MASTER MIND And they call me Master Mind. ROXANNE Let me get this straight. You missed getting your ass kicked, so you made a new guy to kick your ass. That's pathetic. MASTER MIND In hindsight... Roxanne turns back to the TV to see a group of POLICE OFFICERS open fire on Titan. The bullets just deflect off his chest. ROXANNE And his powers, they're just like Uberman's. Why would he have his powers? MASTER MIND (almost ashamed) I had some left over from something. I infused him with it. ROXANNE YOU DID WHAT!? Driven by rage, she struggles to tear out of her bonds. She finally relents, giving Master Mind a look fueled by pure hatred. MASTER MIND Yeah, that's why I decided to tie you up. ROXANNE You did all this because you wanted purpose? MASTER MIND He seemed nice. 88. TELEVISION Titan is standing on top of a destroyed police car. He waves for the camera to zoom in on him. TITAN Closer. I want to show the people my real face. He pulls off his mask, revealing himself as Hal Stewart to the public for the first time. TITAN (CONT'D) Recognize me? BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE Hal Stewart. He's the guy we thought saved that woman and kid. Turned out he was just trying to save his own ass. MASTER MIND Yeah, good to know - NOW! TELEVISION Titan throws the mask over this shoulder and hops off the car. TITAN That's right, I'm really Hal Stewart. Former hero and bowling teacher at Kingpin's Bowling. BACK TO SCENE Roxanne turns to Master Mind, condescending him with her eyes. ROXANNE You picked a bowler to give super powers to? MASTER MIND It's a modest profession! TELEVISION 89. TITAN With my new found power, I've recently started to wonder what sort of legacy I should leave. Should I be a hero? I tried that once before - even saved a lady and her baby from being squashed. I was treated like a god until everyone started to shit on me - Okay, so what if I didn't "purposely" save them! He walks over and puts his hand on a large circular concrete shape just off camera. TITAN Well, I'm going to make something that can't be taken away from me. I'm going to create a permanent monument to my greatness. One that won't be so easily forgotten or erased. The camera pulls back revealing THE GIANT CONCRETE BOWLING BALL from Kingpin's. TITAN I intend to create a new category in the Guinness Book of World's Records by rolling the biggest strike in the history of bowling. He grabs the camera and points it to the DOWNTOWN BUILDINGS. We realize they are PERFECTLY ALIGNED IN BOWLING PIN FORMATION. TITAN My thanks to the city planning commission. This wouldn't have been possible without them. Titan grabs the camera so it's pointing back at him again. TITAN Tell your friends and family to tune in right here to this station at noon tomorrow. BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE My god, he's nuts. That'll destroy the whole business triangle. 90. Master Mind seems to be contemplating something - something bad. ROXANNE What? MASTER MIND My lair is in the direct path of the ball. ROXANNE Oh, real nice. Wouldn't want anything to happen to your hideout, would we? MASTER MIND You don't understand. I have certain equipment that's - that's highly unstable. ROXANNE What do you mean? MASTER MIND I sort of have a hydrogen reactor, okay? ROXANNE A HYDROGEN reactor? MASTER MIND It's experimental - only one in the world...Well, how do you think I power all my inventions? Someone like me can't pay for electricity. The bills would be outrageous. ROXANNE A REACTOR? MASTER MIND It creates 100 times the output of a nuclear one...If destroyed it could... ROXANNE - Vaporize the entire city! MASTER MIND (proudly) Pshaw...the whole eastern seaboard, actually. That little baby is amazing. I'm quite proud of it. (MORE) 91. MASTER MIND(cont'd) (off her deadpan reaction) I mean...we'd better find a way to stop him. Master Mind thinks a moment. MASTER MIND Did Uberman have a hideout? ROXANNE What? MASTER MIND A cave, a solitary fortress of some kind. C'mon, all heros have a place to hang their capes up in. Roxanne, it may be our only chance to find something, a clue, anything that could give us a fighting chance. ROXANNE It's under his house. MASTER MIND Whose house? Roxanne can hardly believe what she's telling him. ROXANNE Wayne Scott's. Master Mind shoots up out of his chair. MASTER MIND Wayne Scott? Uberman was Wayne Scott!? Wayne Scott, the wealthy philanthropist? But he disappeared - ROXANNE (interrupting) He disappeared just over two months ago when you killed him. Not only did you rid the world of a hero, you killed a kind, noble, generous man. Perhaps ashamed, the super villain hangs his head. Master Mind walks behind Roxanne and undoes her bonds. Rubbing her wrists, she watches him as he walks over to the door. 92. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Looks like you got what you always wanted. Uberman is out of the picture and Metro City is doomed. He grabs the door knob and stops, considering her words. MASTER MIND "Metro City doomed." You know, I never thought I'd say something like this, but here it goes - He slowly turns to her, CUE HEROIC MUSIC. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Not if I have anything to say about it. EXT. WAYNE SCOTT'S MANSION - NIGHT Master Mind stands before the huge, Gothic structure in awe. MASTER MIND Such a dark place for one such as you. I wonder, underneath your noble deeds, what inner demons drove you to your endless crusade for justice? He walks to the front entrance. The double doors have been sealed shut with boards and nails. Master Mind begins to tear them off with his metal hand. INT. WAYNE SCOTT'S MANSION - NIGHT The doors opens. A beam of moonlight immediately pierces the darkness, forming an illuminated path into the heart of the manor. Master Mind enters. Covered in dust and cobwebs, the hall looks like a gigantic crypt. MASTER MIND Good lord, man. You've only been dead for two months. Master Mind walks, coming to a gigantic painted PORTRAIT OF WAYNE SCOTT. He stops to reverently admire the image of his fallen foe. 93. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) A disguise so simple, it's ingenious. No wonder I never caught on. Besides the Armani suit, there's nothing to hide the fact that this is the same person as Uberman. In the picture, he's even standing in the same cheesy, heroic pose with his fists on his hips. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Two lives, yet in both you were an ideal. Perhaps it was you who was victorious in the end, old friend. A BONGING sound suddenly bellows through the dark halls. Master Mind comes to a grandfather clock standing next to a gigantic BOOKCASE. On the twelfth bong it falls silent. Master Mind begins to slide it across the floor until he hears a loud CLICK. The bookcase slides into the wall, REVEALING A HIDDEN PASSAGE. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I'll miss how predictable you were. The passage way leads Master Mind to a WORKING ESCALATOR. Master Mind gets off the escalator to see a long hallway with stone walls. He begins to hear strange SOUNDS, almost like MUFFLED SCREAMS, coming from a doorway at the end of the hallway. Master Mind starts walking towards it. As he steps closer, he begins to notice a light cracking through the bottom of the door. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Hello? Anyone here...besides..all the BIG MEN who are with me now? Nothing. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (to himself) What's the worst you're gonna find? (MORE) 94. MASTER MIND(cont'd) The man was a boy scout, not a serial killer. He opens the door to his immediate amazement. It's some kind of screening room. A PROJECTOR shoots an image onto A DIRTY WHITE SCREEN hanging on the wall. BEER CANS litter the floor; a table in front of a ripped-up couch is covered in discarded snack goods; and a Kiss Pinball machine stands in the far corner next to a CLOSED DOOR. Master Mind turns his attention to the action on the screen. SCREEN A woman dressed in a leather DOMINATRIX OUTFIT is whipping an overweight man lying on a swing-like device with his butt sticking out. DOMINATRIX IN FILM YOU ARE A WORM! She whips him three times. The man CRIES out in pain. FAT MAN IN FILM PINEAPPLE!!! PINEAPPLE!!! Master Mind's eyes are transfixed on the disturbing imagery. The door by the pinball machine suddenly swings open. WAYNE SCOTT, dressed in raggedy sweats, steps into the room carrying a CAN OF BEER and a bowl of JIFFY-POP. Master Mind cannot believe his horrified eyes. MASTER MIND Ahhhhhh! Wayne Scott is just as startled. WAYNE SCOTT Jesus! He drop his drink and snack to the floor. The two men stare at each other as they struggle to regain their normal breathing patterns. Wayne Scott walks over to the couch, brushes off a thick layer of chip crumbs, and sits down. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) What the hell are you doing here? 95. MASTER MIND I might just ask you the same question. I had thought I incinerated you. WAYNE SCOTT You scared the bejesus out of me. How'd you figure out I was still alive? Wait, how do you know my identity!? MASTER MIND Roxanne told me. As for your ruse, I forgot to line the bottom of the copper cage - Somebody pointed that out to me recently. Figured if they could do it, so could you. But one thing I couldn't figure out - WAYNE SCOTT The skeleton? Something I "borrowed" from a medical school a few months before. MASTER MIND A few months? How long had you been planning this? WAYNE SCOTT I always planned to retire - eventually. I mean, come on, you can't do this sort of thing in your fifties. You'd just look ridiculous. The pieces of the puzzle appear to be coming together in Master Mind's head. MASTER MIND I see it all so clearly now. INT. MASTER MIND'S HYDROFOIL - FLASHBACK Master Mind and his minions cover their eyes as the observatory explodes. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) You must have done it just seconds before the observatory exploded. 96. INT. OBSERVATORY - FLASHBACK Similar to what Titan did, Uberman bores out from under the cage. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) You bore out from under the cage. Then, using your Uber-Speed, - EXT. OBSERVATORY - FLASHBACK Running in a blur-like haze, Uberman screeches to a halt in front of some bushes. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) - you made your way to safety, where you had the skeleton safely hidden away somewhere. EXT OBSERVATORY - SKY - DAY Uberman soars high above the clouds. He looks down at the observatory, which is a mere speck in the distance. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O) (CONT'D) Then you must have flown to a safe distance and waited for the explosion, then... Just as the observatory explodes Uberman aims and throws the SKELETON like a javelin. It soars through the air like a missile, tearing through the flames of the explosion, and crashing right into the windshield of Master Mind's hydrofoil. END OF FLASHBACK Wayne stares at Master Mind, clearly impressed. WAYNE Man, you ARE smart. MASTER MIND But why fake your death? Why go through all of it? You could have just quit. WAYNE SCOTT But the responsibility would still be there. (MORE) 97. WAYNE SCOTT(cont'd) A cop can retire and stop handing out speeding tickets - but people expect more from superheroes. I tell you, a volcano couldn't erupt in Zimbabwe without everyone expecting me to do something about it. I figured, out of sight, out of mind. MASTER MIND And Wayne Scott? Why did he have to disappear? WAYNE SCOTT Both of my lives have so much baggage. It's time for new baggage, you know? Master Mind's is absolutely flabbergasted. MASTER MIND I just can't believe it. This whole time you've been in hiding while a force of great evil is tearing your city apart? Wayne rises to his feet, waving his hands for Master Mind to say no more. WAYNE SCOTT I don't want to hear about it. That's why I don't have a television in here to remind me of all the things I SHOULD be doing. Hell, I could get a wife to do that. MASTER MIND There's a demented supervillain out there about to destroy our - I mean, your city. Wayne shrugs indifferently. MASTER MIND You're really going to do nothing? WAYNE SCOTT Good and evil have a way of balancing themselves out. If this guy is as bad as you say, somebody will rise up to fight him. It's just the order of things. You found me, didn't you? 98. Wayne puts a condescending hand on Master Mind's shoulder. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) I know it's hard, but you'll find someone else someday. He then starts walking to the door. MASTER MIND You're the only one who can stop him. Wayne turns around. WAYNE SCOTT Couldn't if I wanted to. Gotta a plane to catch. MASTER MIND A plane? WAYNE SCOTT Going to Barbados for a little change in climate. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go pack. He reads the still defeated look on Master Mind's face. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) You were a good foe. I'm sorry if I've let you down. If it makes a difference, you were the best foe a hero could ask for. MASTER MIND Not smart enough to come up with a full-proof trap. WAYNE SCOTT Well, you did almost have me when you figured out my weakness was copper. Now that made me sweat a little. Took me way too long to drill out from under that cage. MASTER MIND I got lucky. WAYNE SCOTT Anyway, it's a good thing for my sake that I could always count on you for an out. 99. MASTER MIND (suddenly confused) What do you mean? WAYNE SCOTT C'mon, we always threw each other a couple of bones. You would always leave me an out in one of your `full-proof' traps, and I'd never had you incarcerated at a penitentiary that you couldn't eventually escape from. It kept our little game going. Master Mind seems deflated. MASTER MIND Game? - Was that all this ever was to you? You know, I was trying my best every time I fought you. Those `outs' as you call them were unintentional. WAYNE SCOTT Oh. MASTER MIND I guess I was never really a match for you, was I? Wayne shrugs. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (thoughtfully) Then how can I expect to be one for Titan? A beaten man, Master Mind heads for the door, but stops and turns around. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What about Roxanne? Wayne unleashes an exhausted sigh. WAYNE SCOTT I think we both got what we wanted out of our relationship. She got a career out of me, and I got plenty of other things out of her. But I'm ready to move on to greener pastures. 100. Master Mind's steel hand clinches into a fist at his side. Wayne's oblivious to this. MASTER MIND I guess I wasn't the villain I thought I was, and you...you weren't the hero I thought you were. He turns to make his exit when he suddenly sees ROXANNE STANDING IN THE DOOR FRAME. Wayne is almost at a loss for words. WAYNE SCOTT Roxanne! How long have you been... ROXANNE Long enough. Roxanne looks at Master Mind. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Don't you have something else you can go do? Master Mind leaves Roxanne and Wayne facing each other in silence. EXT. ANOTHER BAR - DAY Titan emerges with Brad and Frank. He's holding a BEER CAN and a bag of PORK RINDS. TITAN Alright, I want this whole thing to look ESPN professional, understand? A distant MECHANIZED RUMBLE can be heard. The noise rises, signaling the approach of something powerful. Titan and his crew walk out to the center of the plaza as the sound becomes almost deafening. A TANK TRACK as it moves over the street. We PULL BACK to see a whole line of TANKS rolling along the street. PLAZA From the five streets branching off the plaza, a dozen tanks roll toward Titan. 101. Titan turns to Brad and Frank. TITAN (CONT'D) You guys are about to get some good footage. I might need a little room, though. Brad and Frank look at each other and run to take cover behind a nearby building. Meanwhile, Titan nonchalantly sips from his beer as the tanks begin to surround them. FEEDBACK belts out of one of the tank's loudspeaker's, causing Titan to do a mock wince. TANK LOUDSPEAKER Titan, we have orders from the city of Metro to take you into custody. If you do not give your self up willingly, we will be forced to open fire. There's a long pause as no one says anything. TANK LOUDSPEAKER What is your answer? Titan takes a sip of his beverage and UNLEASHES A GIGANTIC BURP - The shockwave of which sends several of the tanks flying into a nearby building. Two of the remaining tanks close in on the villain. Both have him dead to rights at point-blank range with their massive guns. Titan sets down his beer, then calmly plugs a fist into each barrel. They FIRE. The FORCE OF THE BLAST SENDS THEM BOTH FLYING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS where they CRASH into nearby buildings. Titan bends down and pick his beet back up. TITAN (to beer) Miss me? Titan is suddenly bombarded by a massive barrage of machine- gun fire. The force sends him flying into the windshield of a nearby car. 102. He looks up to see an APACHE ASSAULT COPTER. It's nose- mounted GATLING-GUN is turning toward him. Titan gets up to his feet and looks down at his beer can. The bottom of it was blown apart in the blast. TITAN (CONT'D) Didn't mean to get you involved in all of this. He stared daggers up at the helicopter pilot just as the gun gets a bead on him. TITAN (CONT'D) Hey, man! You killed my suds! Titan throws the can up and slaps it with the palm of his hand. It flies with so much force it knocks the helicopter blade clean off. The rest of the Apache crashes to the street like a car dropped off a building. TITAN (CONT'D) That's one was for you, beer. Titan salutes the wreckage and walks away to find Brad and Frank still hiding behind the building. TITAN Guys, please tell me you got that last bit. BRAD HELMS Huh? TITAN You're kidding me. I give you my sexiest moves and you mean to tell me it was for nothing? BRAD HELMS We were afraid something might hit us. TITAN Looks like I've given the story of the century to the wrong man. He thinks about this for a moment, then it hits him. 103. TITAN Wait. What about that other reporter. Blond. Not so lumpy on the topper half, but killer legs. BRAD HELMS Roxanne. You want Roxanne. She's a much better reporter than I am. You want her. TITAN Where can I find her. FRANK We're actually not supposed to give out that sort of information. BRAD HELMS 1314 Mockingbird Lane. I believe she lives in a penthouse. TITAN You've been very helpful. He tosses Brad over his shoulder like a discarded ice cream cone. In the faint distance we see him splash down in the middle of the Metro City river. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master Mind, pacing anxiously as Plato and Da Vinci pack boxes. Obviously Master Mind is going on the lamb. MASTER MIND Hurry, we must be on our way as soon as possible. DA VINCI Master, why must we flee? MASTER MIND I told you, Titan is too powerful. If he's set on destroying us, there's precious little we could do about it. DA VINCI Where are we going? 104. MASTER MIND To another city, someplace with a shitload of superheroes to fight. We'll start over, we'll go back to doing what we do best. PLATO With our tails between our legs? The old Master Mind would never have let this comment slip by, but as we have seen, he's not the same man. MASTER MIND Plato, do you have a better plan?! Master Mind's cell phone rings. He turns in shame from his men and answers it. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Hello...Roxanne? INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT Roxanne paces back and forth on the phone. ROXANNE What are you going to do about Tighten? INTERCUT between Master Mind and Roxanne on phone. MASTER MIND Right now I'm packing, later I'll have a snack on the train. ROXANNE You're running away? MASTER MIND In a word - yes. ROXANNE You created this monster... MASTER MIND I didn't create this - the god's of irony did and I am eating the crow I so richly deserve. ROXANNE There's no time for self pity. 105. MASTER MIND I'll make the time. Roxanne can't believe what she's hearing. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) You can leave with us. You'll be safe. ROXANNE I'm not going anywhere. MASTER MIND Will you listen to me, no one can stop him. ROXANNE You have to try. The city needs your help. MASTER MIND I'm afraid you have an inflated opinion of me. ROXANNE What the hell's happened to you? The Master Mind I knew would never have run from a fight even though he knew deep in his heart that he didn't have a chance in hell of winning it. It was your best quality. You need to be that man right now...I... MASTER MIND What? ROXANNE (heart felt) I believe in you. Master Mind is taken aback, in a good way. But he catches himself before the words swell his heart. MASTER MIND Sweet words, but that man is dead. Please, Roxanne, just come with me. ROXANNE No...I guess you are a coward after all. Suddenly, there's a loud crash. 106. Roxanne looks up to see a huge hunk of her ceiling has been completely ripped off. Titan is flying above, holding the debris as casually as if it were a paper plate at a barbecue. He looks down at her and smiles. TITAN Man, have I got a story for you. Master Mind can hears Titan's familiar laugh from his side of the line. MASTER MIND Roxanne? Roxanne? EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY Titan is standing in front of the bowling alley, trying to decide on an appropriate pose for the occasion. TITAN What pose would be best? The corny folded arms thing? He demonstrates, arching his chin proudly in the air. TITAN Or maybe on the hips, like this. It's the classic Superman pose, only not as masculine. TITAN No, makes me look like a flamer pirate. As Titan starts to fix his hair in the window, Frank pretends to fix the lens on his camera as he speaks to Roxanne. FRANK (whispering) Shouldn't we be making a run for it right about now? ROXANNE (whispering) The guy can outrun bullets. I don't think either one of us is in that kind of shape. TITAN She's right, Frank. 107. Frank looks up, stunned that Titan could have possibly heard him. TITAN Also got super hearing. I promise not to keep the both of you long, but you'll thank me when this is all over. Frank and Roxanne exchange helpless expressions. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master Mind reverently stares up at the painted portrait of his father. MASTER MIND Dad, it's me... (he looks around to make sure no one can hear) ...Bubsy. I know we haven't talked in a while, and I'm sorry. It's been a little crazy trying to live up to a legacy. The painting's menacing stare seems to reach into his very soul. MASTER MIND Anyway...You raised me to be the worst that I could possibly be. And I've tried to live up to that as best as I could - even dropping out of dentistry school like you wanted me to. But I'm about to do something now that would really piss you off. I'm going to go against everything you ever taught me. I hope...I hope that maybe you'll look down at what I'm about to do as not so much a good deed, but more like the outright defiance of a hateful and ungrateful, son. If you could do that, then maybe - in your own little way - you could - for probably the first time - find a reason to be proud of me. He looks back up at the picture. Is it our imagination, or does the painting's stare suddenly seem even angrier? 108. MASTER MIND Well...either way, you're probably going to see me real soon. (calling over his shoulder) Men? Plato and Da Vinci suddenly stop what they're doing and look up at him. PLATO AND DA VINCI Yes Sir? MASTER MIND Stop packing. Our work is not finished here. PLATO AND DA VINCI YES SIR! TELEVISION A news report shows an aerial shot of Titan setting the giant ball down in the middle of a vacant city street. REPORTER We interrupt your regular afternoon programming to show you live footage of a potential dangerous situation in downtown Metro. The former hero knows as Titan is placing what appears to be a giant ball... INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS Da Vinci stops in front of a television set, seeing the news report in progress. REPORTER Hold on...It appears our own Roxanne Ritchi is somehow at the scene. We now go to her with a live report. DA VINCI Sir, I think you should see this! CUT TO: 109. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Roxanne is standing in front of a camera with a mike in her hand. ROXANNE I'm here with the cause of the destruction in Metro City. He has kidnapped me and a cameraman to chronicle what he refers to as the creation of a monument to his invincibility and overall "Asskickiness." He will use this giant concrete bowling ball to play the largest game of bowling ever using the buildings of downtown Metro City as his pins. Titan suddenly steps into the shot. TITAN And I'm going for the biggest strike ever. He leans into the camera. TITAN And you, Metro City, have a ringside seat as I cement my name in the anal of history. ROXANNE Annals. TITAN What? ROXANNE Nevermind. EXT. CITY STREET - MOMENTS LATER Titan holds up the massive bowling ball, lining up his shot. TITAN (in quiet professional bowler announcer voice) Like Tiger before him, a young savior has come to raise a sport from the ashes. Rookie Hal Stewart, a young man with a dream, realizing that dream here today, folks. (MORE) 110. TITAN(cont'd) One might click there heels and say "There's no place like home" upon finding themselves in such a fantasy. Well, Hal looks very much at home right were he is - with a ball in hand and glory in his sights. INT. METRO CITY LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS In the bowels of Master Mind's hideout, the HYDROGEN REACTOR glows and HUMS MENACINGLY. BACK TO SCENE Roxanne just stand helpless as Frank films away. ROXANNE Hal, I know everyone treated you like shit, but you don't have to do this. TITAN You're right. I don't HAVE to do anything. Isn't that cool? Titan lines up his shot. TITAN Here's one for the record books! Titan flies a few feet and rolls the ball down the main street. ROXANNE Her face is utter horror as she watches the inevitable destruction of Metro City. As the ball rolls - it demolishes everything in it's wake; cars, street lamps - windows shatter as the giant concrete sphere brushes along side buildings. TITAN He smiles in anticipation and uses "body English" to direct the ball. GIANT BOWLING BALL POV It's nearly halfway to its target. ROXANNE 111. She closes her eyes. Titan's smile fades. He looks around as if he hears something we don't. About two hundred feet in front of the first building a GIANT SPIDER WEB flies across the path of the ball, creating a defensive barrier. An enormous letter "M" is etched in the web's center. TITAN (CONT'D) What the...? The ball breaks through the web, but it's speed is greatly reduced. FRANK Look, what's that flying in the air? We suddenly see MASTER MIND FLYING OVER THE ROLLING BALL IN A JET PACK. He quickly pulls out his goo gun and starts laying down a path of sticky plasm to stop the destructive sphere's path. MASTER MIND C'mon, slow down Master Mind looks down to see the meter of the gun close to empty. MASTER MIND C'mon. The ball slows drastically then starts rolling to the side. It heads off an embankment and rolls harmlessly into a CANAL. MASTER MIND Gutterball! TITAN He's furious to say the least. TITAN YOU! Master Mind gives him a mocking grin. MASTER MIND Bowling? What other trailer park sports can you play? 112. TITAN You are becoming a real pain in my ass. I should have done this a long time ago. Titan lunges at his tormentor. Master Mind hits the BOOSTER on his jet pack and heads back toward the other side of the city with Titan in hot pursuit. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (into walkie talkie) Plato, Da Vinci. Secure Roxanne, he's falling for it. ELSEWHERE A flustered Titan lands. He begins searching the city streets, but Master Mind is nowhere in sight. He turns upon hearing an EEKING sound to his left. Sitting on the ground is a CHIMPANZEE wearing a strange collar. It smiles at him. TITAN What the hell? From behind, Titan is immediately set upon by five more RADIO CONTROLLED APES. TITAN (CONT'D) GODAMNIT! The critters bite hop and hit Titan. As soon as he throws one off two more jump him. Titan breaks free and with his mighty breath blows them across the street into a fruit stand. With Titan out of their sight they begin to attack the fruit. MASTER MIND He's a block away frantically hitting his remote. MASTER MIND Shit! Stupid monkeys and their fruit. Titan flies away from the mad monkeys and lands to find Master Mind sitting on the ground wrapped in a long cape with only his head sticking out. 113. TITAN (CONT'D) No more games. Titan FIRES HIS LASER VISION AT MASTER MIND's CHEST. Master Mind pulls the cloak away to reveal a FIRE HYDRANT. Titan's EYE LASERS burn through the hydrant releasing a high pressure stream of water. Master Mind uses the last remote which dumps two tons of CEMENT mix into the truck. The crowd, police and news crews move in closer when Titan doesn't emerge. Master Mind drops his last remote and walks toward the truck cautiously. MASTER MIND Could it really be that easy-- - BOOM - The back of the truck explodes, throwing dust and concrete everywhere. When the dust clears we see and enraged Titan. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Didn't think so. As the villain walks toward him, he pulls back his fist to give Master Mind the killing blow. TITAN If you don't mind, I'm going to punch trough your face now. Preparing himself for the end, Master Mind shuts his eyes as a SUDDEN GUST OF WIND BEGINS TO PICK UP. AS Titan goes to strike, a BLURRY FIGURE RUNS IN AND SNATCHES MASTER MIND OUT OF THE AWAY. Stunned, Master Mind begins to feel around his body as if to make sure everything's still in place. MASTER MIND I'm alive. He turns to see UBERMAN standing next to him. MASTER MIND Uberman? 114. The terrified bystanders start to notice the figure standing next to Master Mind. BYSTANDER 1 It's Uberman! BYSTANDER 2 Uberman's alive! BYSTANDER 3 We're saved! As the CROWD CHEERS, A confused Master Mind turns to Metro City's newly resurrected champion. MASTER MIND I thought. UBERMAN So did I. He puts a hand on Master Mind's shoulder. UBERMAN Thank you, old enemy. MASTER MIND For what? UBERMAN Showing me the error of my ways, Showing me I'm meant to be this city's savior, showing me that, while we can try, there is no running away from our true destiny. With that, UBERMAN IS STRICKEN BY A LASER BLAST, INSTANTLY TURNING HIM INTO A CHARRED HUMAN SKELETON. Master Mind turns to see Titan smiling with his STILL SMOKING EYES. TITAN Oh...Did I interrupt something? Master Mind turns to run, but, suddenly Titan is before him. TITAN Where you going, buddy? Titan grabs Master Mind by the collar and throws him across the street into a parked car. 115. TITAN (CONT'D) Welcome to Paintown. Population: you. Master Mind manages to stand on shaky legs. He seems in a daze, unable to move. Titan flies up in the air. TITAN (CONT'D) Time to finish this. With his fist front and center, Titan speeds toward Master Mind. He's like a human torpedo, coming in for the killing blow. Master Mind comes to his senses and puts up his hands. MASTER MIND WAIT!!! Titan screeches to a halt and stops just in front of him like an old Warner Bros cartoon. TITAN What? MASTER MIND Quick joke - What's the capital of Thailand? TITAN Huh - I don't know. MASTER MIND It's bang cock! In a sudden surge of strength, MASTER MIND PUNCHES TITAN IN THE GROIN. The once mighty man instantly drops to his knees, searching, with tears in his eyes, for the proper word to express the pain suddenly surging through his member. TITAN (CONT'D) Ow. Baffled, he looks up at Master Mind's hand and sees his gauntlet is now made ENTIRELY OUT OF COPPER. MASTER MIND So, I guess pennies are good for something. 116. He punches Titan in the face, knocking him out cold. Master Mind looks down on Titan with more than a little pride. Suddenly he hears something behind him. He spins to see the crowd making a strange noise - APPLAUSE. Roxanne comes up to him. The crowd starts to go wild and cheers for Master Mind. He's not sure what to make of it. ROXANNE Pretty strange, huh? MASTER MIND They're cheering for me. ROXANNE You saved them. You saved everybody. How's it feel? Master Mind looks at the smiles all around him. He begins to well up a little. MASTER MIND It's a...it's nice, you know? I usually don't get a lot of feedback. (whispering) But I also kind of caused all this. What happens when they find that out I was the cause of some of this? Roxanne looks at the cheering crowd, then back at Master Mind. ROXANNE What they don't know won't hurt them. MASTER MIND I guess that is all in the past. ROXANNE You're the hero. MASTER MIND I don't think I'd go that far...I mean I just...er... ROXANNE Master Mind? 117. MASTER MIND Yes? ROXANNE Stop talking. She kisses him. The crowd erupts in a cheer. TELEVISION The channel 7 he channel 7 logo zooms in followed by the title "Eye on Metro City." A picture of Master Mind smiling appears on the screen behind her. SAMANTHA SUMMERS Who's bad? Well, not Master Mind. It seems the former villain has done a career 180 after defeating Tighten and saving Metro City from certain enslavement. And here he is getting a full pardon by Metro City's Mayor, Steve Dent. Cut to ceremony on capital steps. The MAYOR is shaking Master Mind's metal gauntlet when it suddenly STARTS TO CRUSH HIS HAND. MAYOR Ahhh! Secret service men quickly start to draw their weapons and take aim at Master Mind. Realizing what's happening, he quickly lets the mayor's hand go and puts his arms in the air. MASTER MIND Sorry - Metal hand. Force of habit. He elbows the mayor. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) We're okay, right? Wincing, the mayor signals the men to put their guns down. WE CUT to video of Titan behind bars in a regular prison. 118. BRAD HELMS And what about Tighten? Is there a prison in existence that can hold this super powered menace? Well, the answer we found is no. A man in a white lab coat stands in front of Titan's cell just out of reach. PRISON SCIENTIST Of course normally he could break out of there anytime, but as you can see we've taken some special precautions. The news camera pans over see Titan in his cell wearing a copper JOCK STRAP with electrical cables hooked to it. Back to Samantha at the desk. BRAD HELMS What is a Hero? It seems never has that question needed to be asked more than it does tonight. We go to our very own Roxanne Ritchi, making her triumphant return to our news desk for the answer. Brad turns. The camera pans over to Roxanne who we now see has been sitting beside him. ROXANNE What is a hero? Well, there are many different kinds. There are those who hear a call, like the policeman or doctor, then there's the kind the public creates in their search for meaning and hope. Then, there are those who have the courage to change. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT A woman is being chased by two large thugs. They're gaining on her. She comes to a brick wall - a dead end. The thugs laugh. THUG #1 Hey, gimme that purse? 119. MASTER MIND (O.S) I don't think it would go with your outfit. The thugs turn around to see Master Mind, standing with his arms folded across his chest. THUG #2 It's Master Mind! Thug #1 draws a knife. THUG #1 So? It's not like he has any superpowers. Thug #1 puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles. Suddenly two more Thugs appear behind Master Mind. MASTER MIND I'm gonna give you a chance to surrender. THUG #1 Four against one. For a Master Mind, you're really bad at math. Master Mind throws a hand signal up in the air. Suddenly a giant robotic foot crashes down on the two men behind him. Thug #1 and Thug #2 drop their knives and raise their hands in the air. Master Mind looks up and waves. MASTER MIND Way to take out those two goons, guys! We see Da Vinci and Plato at the wheel of a gigantic robot. DA VINCI What two goons? The giant robot lifts its foot to check the bottom of it's sole. It KNOCKS OVER WATER TOWER in the process. The woman looks at Master Mind, horrified. 120. MASTER MIND (apologetically) Sorry, we're new at this. THE END
molyswu / Hand Detectionusing Neural Networks (SSD) on Tensorflow. This repo documents steps and scripts used to train a hand detector using Tensorflow (Object Detection API). As with any DNN based task, the most expensive (and riskiest) part of the process has to do with finding or creating the right (annotated) dataset. I was interested mainly in detecting hands on a table (egocentric view point). I experimented first with the [Oxford Hands Dataset](http://www.robots.ox.ac.uk/~vgg/data/hands/) (the results were not good). I then tried the [Egohands Dataset](http://vision.soic.indiana.edu/projects/egohands/) which was a much better fit to my requirements. The goal of this repo/post is to demonstrate how neural networks can be applied to the (hard) problem of tracking hands (egocentric and other views). Better still, provide code that can be adapted to other uses cases. If you use this tutorial or models in your research or project, please cite [this](#citing-this-tutorial). Here is the detector in action. <img src="images/hand1.gif" width="33.3%"><img src="images/hand2.gif" width="33.3%"><img src="images/hand3.gif" width="33.3%"> Realtime detection on video stream from a webcam . <img src="images/chess1.gif" width="33.3%"><img src="images/chess2.gif" width="33.3%"><img src="images/chess3.gif" width="33.3%"> Detection on a Youtube video. Both examples above were run on a macbook pro **CPU** (i7, 2.5GHz, 16GB). Some fps numbers are: | FPS | Image Size | Device| Comments| | ------------- | ------------- | ------------- | ------------- | | 21 | 320 * 240 | Macbook pro (i7, 2.5GHz, 16GB) | Run without visualizing results| | 16 | 320 * 240 | Macbook pro (i7, 2.5GHz, 16GB) | Run while visualizing results (image above) | | 11 | 640 * 480 | Macbook pro (i7, 2.5GHz, 16GB) | Run while visualizing results (image above) | > Note: The code in this repo is written and tested with Tensorflow `1.4.0-rc0`. Using a different version may result in [some errors](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/issues/1581). You may need to [generate your own frozen model](https://pythonprogramming.net/testing-custom-object-detector-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/?completed=/training-custom-objects-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/) graph using the [model checkpoints](model-checkpoint) in the repo to fit your TF version. **Content of this document** - Motivation - Why Track/Detect hands with Neural Networks - Data preparation and network training in Tensorflow (Dataset, Import, Training) - Training the hand detection Model - Using the Detector to Detect/Track hands - Thoughts on Optimizations. > P.S if you are using or have used the models provided here, feel free to reach out on twitter ([@vykthur](https://twitter.com/vykthur)) and share your work! ## Motivation - Why Track/Detect hands with Neural Networks? There are several existing approaches to tracking hands in the computer vision domain. Incidentally, many of these approaches are rule based (e.g extracting background based on texture and boundary features, distinguishing between hands and background using color histograms and HOG classifiers,) making them not very robust. For example, these algorithms might get confused if the background is unusual or in situations where sharp changes in lighting conditions cause sharp changes in skin color or the tracked object becomes occluded.(see [here for a review](https://www.cse.unr.edu/~bebis/handposerev.pdf) paper on hand pose estimation from the HCI perspective) With sufficiently large datasets, neural networks provide opportunity to train models that perform well and address challenges of existing object tracking/detection algorithms - varied/poor lighting, noisy environments, diverse viewpoints and even occlusion. The main drawbacks to usage for real-time tracking/detection is that they can be complex, are relatively slow compared to tracking-only algorithms and it can be quite expensive to assemble a good dataset. But things are changing with advances in fast neural networks. Furthermore, this entire area of work has been made more approachable by deep learning frameworks (such as the tensorflow object detection api) that simplify the process of training a model for custom object detection. More importantly, the advent of fast neural network models like ssd, faster r-cnn, rfcn (see [here](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/blob/master/research/object_detection/g3doc/detection_model_zoo.md#coco-trained-models-coco-models) ) etc make neural networks an attractive candidate for real-time detection (and tracking) applications. Hopefully, this repo demonstrates this. > If you are not interested in the process of training the detector, you can skip straight to applying the [pretrained model I provide in detecting hands](#detecting-hands). Training a model is a multi-stage process (assembling dataset, cleaning, splitting into training/test partitions and generating an inference graph). While I lightly touch on the details of these parts, there are a few other tutorials cover training a custom object detector using the tensorflow object detection api in more detail[ see [here](https://pythonprogramming.net/training-custom-objects-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/) and [here](https://towardsdatascience.com/how-to-train-your-own-object-detector-with-tensorflows-object-detector-api-bec72ecfe1d9) ]. I recommend you walk through those if interested in training a custom object detector from scratch. ## Data preparation and network training in Tensorflow (Dataset, Import, Training) **The Egohands Dataset** The hand detector model is built using data from the [Egohands Dataset](http://vision.soic.indiana.edu/projects/egohands/) dataset. This dataset works well for several reasons. It contains high quality, pixel level annotations (>15000 ground truth labels) where hands are located across 4800 images. All images are captured from an egocentric view (Google glass) across 48 different environments (indoor, outdoor) and activities (playing cards, chess, jenga, solving puzzles etc). <img src="images/egohandstrain.jpg" width="100%"> If you will be using the Egohands dataset, you can cite them as follows: > Bambach, Sven, et al. "Lending a hand: Detecting hands and recognizing activities in complex egocentric interactions." Proceedings of the IEEE International Conference on Computer Vision. 2015. The Egohands dataset (zip file with labelled data) contains 48 folders of locations where video data was collected (100 images per folder). ``` -- LOCATION_X -- frame_1.jpg -- frame_2.jpg ... -- frame_100.jpg -- polygons.mat // contains annotations for all 100 images in current folder -- LOCATION_Y -- frame_1.jpg -- frame_2.jpg ... -- frame_100.jpg -- polygons.mat // contains annotations for all 100 images in current folder ``` **Converting data to Tensorflow Format** Some initial work needs to be done to the Egohands dataset to transform it into the format (`tfrecord`) which Tensorflow needs to train a model. This repo contains `egohands_dataset_clean.py` a script that will help you generate these csv files. - Downloads the egohands datasets - Renames all files to include their directory names to ensure each filename is unique - Splits the dataset into train (80%), test (10%) and eval (10%) folders. - Reads in `polygons.mat` for each folder, generates bounding boxes and visualizes them to ensure correctness (see image above). - Once the script is done running, you should have an images folder containing three folders - train, test and eval. Each of these folders should also contain a csv label document each - `train_labels.csv`, `test_labels.csv` that can be used to generate `tfrecords` Note: While the egohands dataset provides four separate labels for hands (own left, own right, other left, and other right), for my purpose, I am only interested in the general `hand` class and label all training data as `hand`. You can modify the data prep script to generate `tfrecords` that support 4 labels. Next: convert your dataset + csv files to tfrecords. A helpful guide on this can be found [here](https://pythonprogramming.net/creating-tfrecord-files-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/).For each folder, you should be able to generate `train.record`, `test.record` required in the training process. ## Training the hand detection Model Now that the dataset has been assembled (and your tfrecords), the next task is to train a model based on this. With neural networks, it is possible to use a process called [transfer learning](https://www.tensorflow.org/tutorials/image_retraining) to shorten the amount of time needed to train the entire model. This means we can take an existing model (that has been trained well on a related domain (here image classification) and retrain its final layer(s) to detect hands for us. Sweet!. Given that neural networks sometimes have thousands or millions of parameters that can take weeks or months to train, transfer learning helps shorten training time to possibly hours. Tensorflow does offer a few models (in the tensorflow [model zoo](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/blob/master/research/object_detection/g3doc/detection_model_zoo.md#coco-trained-models-coco-models)) and I chose to use the `ssd_mobilenet_v1_coco` model as my start point given it is currently (one of) the fastest models (read the SSD research [paper here](https://arxiv.org/pdf/1512.02325.pdf)). The training process can be done locally on your CPU machine which may take a while or better on a (cloud) GPU machine (which is what I did). For reference, training on my macbook pro (tensorflow compiled from source to take advantage of the mac's cpu architecture) the maximum speed I got was 5 seconds per step as opposed to the ~0.5 seconds per step I got with a GPU. For reference it would take about 12 days to run 200k steps on my mac (i7, 2.5GHz, 16GB) compared to ~5hrs on a GPU. > **Training on your own images**: Please use the [guide provided by Harrison from pythonprogramming](https://pythonprogramming.net/training-custom-objects-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/) on how to generate tfrecords given your label csv files and your images. The guide also covers how to start the training process if training locally. [see [here] (https://pythonprogramming.net/training-custom-objects-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/)]. If training in the cloud using a service like GCP, see the [guide here](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/blob/master/research/object_detection/g3doc/running_on_cloud.md). As the training process progresses, the expectation is that total loss (errors) gets reduced to its possible minimum (about a value of 1 or thereabout). By observing the tensorboard graphs for total loss(see image below), it should be possible to get an idea of when the training process is complete (total loss does not decrease with further iterations/steps). I ran my training job for 200k steps (took about 5 hours) and stopped at a total Loss (errors) value of 2.575.(In retrospect, I could have stopped the training at about 50k steps and gotten a similar total loss value). With tensorflow, you can also run an evaluation concurrently that assesses your model to see how well it performs on the test data. A commonly used metric for performance is mean average precision (mAP) which is single number used to summarize the area under the precision-recall curve. mAP is a measure of how well the model generates a bounding box that has at least a 50% overlap with the ground truth bounding box in our test dataset. For the hand detector trained here, the mAP value was **0.9686@0.5IOU**. mAP values range from 0-1, the higher the better. <img src="images/accuracy.jpg" width="100%"> Once training is completed, the trained inference graph (`frozen_inference_graph.pb`) is then exported (see the earlier referenced guides for how to do this) and saved in the `hand_inference_graph` folder. Now its time to do some interesting detection. ## Using the Detector to Detect/Track hands If you have not done this yet, please following the guide on installing [Tensorflow and the Tensorflow object detection api](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/blob/master/research/object_detection/g3doc/installation.md). This will walk you through setting up the tensorflow framework, cloning the tensorflow github repo and a guide on - Load the `frozen_inference_graph.pb` trained on the hands dataset as well as the corresponding label map. In this repo, this is done in the `utils/detector_utils.py` script by the `load_inference_graph` method. ```python detection_graph = tf.Graph() with detection_graph.as_default(): od_graph_def = tf.GraphDef() with tf.gfile.GFile(PATH_TO_CKPT, 'rb') as fid: serialized_graph = fid.read() od_graph_def.ParseFromString(serialized_graph) tf.import_graph_def(od_graph_def, name='') sess = tf.Session(graph=detection_graph) print("> ====== Hand Inference graph loaded.") ``` - Detect hands. In this repo, this is done in the `utils/detector_utils.py` script by the `detect_objects` method. ```python (boxes, scores, classes, num) = sess.run( [detection_boxes, detection_scores, detection_classes, num_detections], feed_dict={image_tensor: image_np_expanded}) ``` - Visualize detected bounding detection_boxes. In this repo, this is done in the `utils/detector_utils.py` script by the `draw_box_on_image` method. This repo contains two scripts that tie all these steps together. - detect_multi_threaded.py : A threaded implementation for reading camera video input detection and detecting. Takes a set of command line flags to set parameters such as `--display` (visualize detections), image parameters `--width` and `--height`, videe `--source` (0 for camera) etc. - detect_single_threaded.py : Same as above, but single threaded. This script works for video files by setting the video source parameter videe `--source` (path to a video file). ```cmd # load and run detection on video at path "videos/chess.mov" python detect_single_threaded.py --source videos/chess.mov ``` > Update: If you do have errors loading the frozen inference graph in this repo, feel free to generate a new graph that fits your TF version from the model-checkpoint in this repo. Use the [export_inference_graph.py](https://github.com/tensorflow/models/blob/master/research/object_detection/export_inference_graph.py) script provided in the tensorflow object detection api repo. More guidance on this [here](https://pythonprogramming.net/testing-custom-object-detector-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/?completed=/training-custom-objects-tensorflow-object-detection-api-tutorial/). ## Thoughts on Optimization. A few things that led to noticeable performance increases. - Threading: Turns out that reading images from a webcam is a heavy I/O event and if run on the main application thread can slow down the program. I implemented some good ideas from [Adrian Rosebuck](https://www.pyimagesearch.com/2017/02/06/faster-video-file-fps-with-cv2-videocapture-and-opencv/) on parrallelizing image capture across multiple worker threads. This mostly led to an FPS increase of about 5 points. - For those new to Opencv, images from the `cv2.read()` method return images in [BGR format](https://www.learnopencv.com/why-does-opencv-use-bgr-color-format/). Ensure you convert to RGB before detection (accuracy will be much reduced if you dont). ```python cv2.cvtColor(image_np, cv2.COLOR_BGR2RGB) ``` - Keeping your input image small will increase fps without any significant accuracy drop.(I used about 320 x 240 compared to the 1280 x 720 which my webcam provides). - Model Quantization. Moving from the current 32 bit to 8 bit can achieve up to 4x reduction in memory required to load and store models. One way to further speed up this model is to explore the use of [8-bit fixed point quantization](https://heartbeat.fritz.ai/8-bit-quantization-and-tensorflow-lite-speeding-up-mobile-inference-with-low-precision-a882dfcafbbd). Performance can also be increased by a clever combination of tracking algorithms with the already decent detection and this is something I am still experimenting with. Have ideas for optimizing better, please share! <img src="images/general.jpg" width="100%"> Note: The detector does reflect some limitations associated with the training set. This includes non-egocentric viewpoints, very noisy backgrounds (e.g in a sea of hands) and sometimes skin tone. There is opportunity to improve these with additional data. ## Integrating Multiple DNNs. One way to make things more interesting is to integrate our new knowledge of where "hands" are with other detectors trained to recognize other objects. Unfortunately, while our hand detector can in fact detect hands, it cannot detect other objects (a factor or how it is trained). To create a detector that classifies multiple different objects would mean a long involved process of assembling datasets for each class and a lengthy training process. > Given the above, a potential strategy is to explore structures that allow us **efficiently** interleave output form multiple pretrained models for various object classes and have them detect multiple objects on a single image. An example of this is with my primary use case where I am interested in understanding the position of objects on a table with respect to hands on same table. I am currently doing some work on a threaded application that loads multiple detectors and outputs bounding boxes on a single image. More on this soon.
Sfedfcv / Redesigned PancakeSkip to content github / docs Code Issues 80 Pull requests 35 Discussions Actions Projects 2 Security Insights Merge branch 'main' into 1862-Add-Travis-CI-migration-table 1862-Add-Travis-CI-migration-table (#1869, Iixixi/ZachryTylerWood#102, THEBOLCK79/docs#1, sbnbhk/docs#1) @martin389 martin389 committed on Dec 9, 2020 2 parents 2f9ec0c + 1588f50 commit 1a56ed136914e522f3a23ecc2be1c49f479a1a6a Showing 501 changed files with 5,397 additions and 1,362 deletions. 2 .github/allowed-actions.js @@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ module.exports = [ 'rachmari/labeler@832d42ec5523f3c6d46e8168de71cd54363e3e2e', 'repo-sync/github-sync@3832fe8e2be32372e1b3970bbae8e7079edeec88', 'repo-sync/pull-request@33777245b1aace1a58c87a29c90321aa7a74bd7d', 'rtCamp/action-slack-notify@e17352feaf9aee300bf0ebc1dfbf467d80438815', 'someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd', 'tjenkinson/gh-action-auto-merge-dependency-updates@cee2ac0', 'EndBug/add-and-commit@9358097a71ad9fb9e2f9624c6098c89193d83575' ] 72 .github/workflows/confirm-internal-staff-work-in-docs.yml @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ name: Confirm internal staff meant to post in public on: issues: types: - opened - reopened - transferred pull_request_target: types: - opened - reopened jobs: check-team-membership: runs-on: ubuntu-latest continue-on-error: true if: github.repository == 'github/docs' steps: - uses: actions/github-script@626af12fe9a53dc2972b48385e7fe7dec79145c9 with: github-token: ${{ secrets.DOCUBOT_FR_PROJECT_BOARD_WORKFLOWS_REPO_ORG_READ_SCOPES }} script: | // Only perform this action with GitHub employees try { await github.teams.getMembershipForUserInOrg({ org: 'github', team_slug: 'employees', username: context.payload.sender.login, }); } catch(err) { // An error will be thrown if the user is not a GitHub employee // If a user is not a GitHub employee, we should stop here and // Not send a notification return } // Don't perform this action with Docs team members try { await github.teams.getMembershipForUserInOrg({ org: 'github', team_slug: 'docs', username: context.payload.sender.login, }); // If the user is a Docs team member, we should stop here and not send // a notification return } catch(err) { // An error will be thrown if the user is not a Docs team member // If a user is not a Docs team member we should continue and send // the notification } const issueNo = context.number || context.issue.number // Create an issue in our private repo await github.issues.create({ owner: 'github', repo: 'docs-internal', title: `@${context.payload.sender.login} confirm that \#${issueNo} should be in the public github/docs repo`, body: `@${context.payload.sender.login} opened https://github.com/github/docs/issues/${issueNo} publicly in the github/docs repo, instead of the private github/docs-internal repo.\n\n@${context.payload.sender.login}, please confirm that this belongs in the public repo and that no sensitive information was disclosed by commenting below and closing the issue.\n\nIf this was not intentional and sensitive information was shared, please delete https://github.com/github/docs/issues/${issueNo} and notify us in the \#docs-open-source channel.\n\nThanks! \n\n/cc @github/docs @github/docs-engineering` }); throw new Error('A Hubber opened an issue on the public github/docs repo'); - name: Send Slack notification if a GitHub employee who isn't on the docs team opens an issue in public if: ${{ failure() && github.repository == 'github/docs' }} uses: someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd with: channel: ${{ secrets.DOCS_OPEN_SOURCE_SLACK_CHANNEL_ID }} bot-token: ${{ secrets.SLACK_DOCS_BOT_TOKEN }} text: <@${{github.actor}}> opened https://github.com/github/docs/issues/${{ github.event.number || github.event.issue.number }} publicly on the github/docs repo instead of the private github/docs-internal repo. They have been notified via a new issue in the github/docs-internal repo to confirm this was intentional. 15 .github/workflows/js-lint.yml @@ -10,23 +10,8 @@ on: - translations jobs: see_if_should_skip: runs-on: ubuntu-latest outputs: should_skip: ${{ steps.skip_check.outputs.should_skip }} steps: - id: skip_check uses: fkirc/skip-duplicate-actions@36feb0d8d062137530c2e00bd278d138fe191289 with: cancel_others: 'false' github_token: ${{ github.token }} paths: '["**/*.js", "package*.json", ".github/workflows/js-lint.yml", ".eslint*"]' lint: runs-on: ubuntu-latest needs: see_if_should_skip if: ${{ needs.see_if_should_skip.outputs.should_skip != 'true' }} steps: - name: Check out repo uses: actions/checkout@5a4ac9002d0be2fb38bd78e4b4dbde5606d7042f 13 .github/workflows/repo-freeze-reminders.yml @@ -14,11 +14,10 @@ jobs: if: github.repository == 'github/docs-internal' steps: - name: Send Slack notification if repo is frozen uses: someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd if: ${{ env.FREEZE == 'true' }} uses: rtCamp/action-slack-notify@e17352feaf9aee300bf0ebc1dfbf467d80438815 env: SLACK_WEBHOOK: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_WEBHOOK }} SLACK_USERNAME: docs-repo-sync SLACK_ICON_EMOJI: ':freezing_face:' SLACK_COLOR: '#51A0D5' # Carolina Blue SLACK_MESSAGE: All repo-sync runs will fail for ${{ github.repository }} because the repo is currently frozen! with: channel: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_CHANNEL_ID }} bot-token: ${{ secrets.SLACK_DOCS_BOT_TOKEN }} color: info text: All repo-sync runs will fail for ${{ github.repository }} because the repo is currently frozen! 54 .github/workflows/repo-sync-stalls.yml @@ -0,0 +1,54 @@ name: Repo Sync Stalls on: workflow_dispatch: schedule: - cron: '*/30 * * * *' jobs: check-freezer: name: Check for deployment freezes runs-on: ubuntu-latest steps: - name: Exit if repo is frozen if: ${{ env.FREEZE == 'true' }} run: | echo 'The repo is currently frozen! Exiting this workflow.' exit 1 # prevents further steps from running repo-sync-stalls: runs-on: ubuntu-latest steps: - name: Check if repo sync is stalled uses: actions/github-script@626af12fe9a53dc2972b48385e7fe7dec79145c9 with: github-token: ${{ secrets.DOCUBOT_FR_PROJECT_BOARD_WORKFLOWS_REPO_ORG_READ_SCOPES }} script: | let pulls; const owner = context.repo.owner const repo = context.repo.repo try { pulls = await github.pulls.list({ owner: owner, repo: repo, head: `${owner}:repo-sync`, state: 'open' }); } catch(err) { throw err return } pulls.data.forEach(pr => { const timeDelta = Date.now() - Date.parse(pr.created_at); const minutesOpen = timeDelta / 1000 / 60; if (minutesOpen > 30) { core.setFailed('Repo sync appears to be stalled') } }) - name: Send Slack notification if workflow fails uses: someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd if: failure() with: channel: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_CHANNEL_ID }} bot-token: ${{ secrets.SLACK_DOCS_BOT_TOKEN }} color: failure text: Repo sync appears to be stalled for ${{github.repository}}. See https://github.com/${{github.repository}}/pulls?q=is%3Apr+is%3Aopen+repo+sync 16 .github/workflows/repo-sync.yml @@ -7,6 +7,7 @@ name: Repo Sync on: workflow_dispatch: schedule: - cron: '*/15 * * * *' # every 15 minutes @@ -70,11 +71,10 @@ jobs: number: ${{ steps.find-pull-request.outputs.number }} - name: Send Slack notification if workflow fails uses: rtCamp/action-slack-notify@e17352feaf9aee300bf0ebc1dfbf467d80438815 if: ${{ failure() }} env: SLACK_WEBHOOK: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_WEBHOOK }} SLACK_USERNAME: docs-repo-sync SLACK_ICON_EMOJI: ':ohno:' SLACK_COLOR: '#B90E0A' # Crimson SLACK_MESSAGE: The last repo-sync run for ${{github.repository}} failed. See https://github.com/${{github.repository}}/actions?query=workflow%3A%22Repo+Sync%22 uses: someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd if: failure() with: channel: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_CHANNEL_ID }} bot-token: ${{ secrets.SLACK_DOCS_BOT_TOKEN }} color: failure text: The last repo-sync run for ${{github.repository}} failed. See https://github.com/${{github.repository}}/actions?query=workflow%3A%22Repo+Sync%22 10 .github/workflows/sync-algolia-search-indices.yml @@ -33,8 +33,10 @@ jobs: GITHUB_TOKEN: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }} run: npm run sync-search - name: Send slack notification if workflow run fails uses: rtCamp/action-slack-notify@e17352feaf9aee300bf0ebc1dfbf467d80438815 uses: someimportantcompany/github-actions-slack-message@0b470c14b39da4260ed9e3f9a4f1298a74ccdefd if: failure() env: SLACK_WEBHOOK: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_WEBHOOK }} SLACK_MESSAGE: The last Algolia workflow run for ${{github.repository}} failed. Search actions for `workflow:Algolia` with: channel: ${{ secrets.DOCS_ALERTS_SLACK_CHANNEL_ID }} bot-token: ${{ secrets.SLACK_DOCS_BOT_TOKEN }} color: failure text: The last Algolia workflow run for ${{github.repository}} failed. Search actions for `workflow:Algolia` 15 .github/workflows/yml-lint.yml @@ -10,23 +10,8 @@ on: - translations jobs: see_if_should_skip: runs-on: ubuntu-latest outputs: should_skip: ${{ steps.skip_check.outputs.should_skip }} steps: - id: skip_check uses: fkirc/skip-duplicate-actions@36feb0d8d062137530c2e00bd278d138fe191289 with: cancel_others: 'false' github_token: ${{ github.token }} paths: '["**/*.yml", "**/*.yaml", "package*.json", ".github/workflows/yml-lint.yml"]' lint: runs-on: ubuntu-latest needs: see_if_should_skip if: ${{ needs.see_if_should_skip.outputs.should_skip != 'true' }} steps: - name: Check out repo uses: actions/checkout@5a4ac9002d0be2fb38bd78e4b4dbde5606d7042f 4 README.md @@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ If you've found a problem, you can open an issue using a [template](https://gith #### Solve an issue If you have a solution to one of the open issues, you will need to fork the repository and submit a PR using the [template](https://github.com/github/docs/blob/main/CONTRIBUTING.md#pull-request-template) that is visible automatically in the pull request body. For more details about this process, please check out [Getting Started with Contributing](/CONTRIBUTING.md). If you have a solution to one of the open issues, you will need to fork the repository and submit a pull request using the [template](https://github.com/github/docs/blob/main/CONTRIBUTING.md#pull-request-template) that is visible automatically in the pull request body. For more details about this process, please check out [Getting Started with Contributing](/CONTRIBUTING.md). #### Join us in discussions @@ -50,6 +50,8 @@ There are a few more things to know when you're getting started with this repo: In addition to the README you're reading right now, this repo includes other READMEs that describe the purpose of each subdirectory in more detail: - [content/README.md](content/README.md) - [content/graphql/README.md](content/graphql/README.md) - [content/rest/README.md](content/rest/README.md) - [contributing/README.md](contributing/README.md) - [data/README.md](data/README.md) - [data/reusables/README.md](data/reusables/README.md) BIN +164 KB assets/images/help/classroom/assignment-group-hero.png Binary file not shown. BIN +75.5 KB assets/images/help/classroom/assignment-ide-go-grant-access-button.png Binary file not shown. BIN +175 KB assets/images/help/classroom/assignment-individual-hero.png Binary file not shown. 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You should see "Hello Mona the Octocat" or the name you used for the `who-to-greet` input and the timestamp printed in the log. From your repository, click the **Actions** tab, and select the latest workflow run. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}Under **Jobs** or in the visualization graph, click **A job to say hello**. {% endif %}You should see "Hello Mona the Octocat" or the name you used for the `who-to-greet` input and the timestamp printed in the log. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} 6 content/actions/creating-actions/creating-a-javascript-action.md @@ -261,9 +261,11 @@ jobs: ``` {% endraw %} From your repository, click the **Actions** tab, and select the latest workflow run. You should see "Hello Mona the Octocat" or the name you used for the `who-to-greet` input and the timestamp printed in the log. From your repository, click the **Actions** tab, and select the latest workflow run. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}Under **Jobs** or in the visualization graph, click **A job to say hello**. {% endif %}You should see "Hello Mona the Octocat" or the name you used for the `who-to-greet` input and the timestamp printed in the log. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% elsif currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %}  {% else %}  4 content/actions/guides/about-packaging-with-github-actions.md @@ -25,7 +25,11 @@ Creating a package at the end of a continuous integration workflow can help duri Now, when reviewing a pull request, you'll be able to look at the workflow run and download the artifact that was produced. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} This will let you run the code in the pull request on your machine, which can help with debugging or testing the pull request. 4 content/actions/guides/building-and-testing-powershell.md @@ -60,7 +60,11 @@ jobs: * `run: Test-Path resultsfile.log` - Check whether a file called `resultsfile.log` is present in the repository's root directory. * `Should -Be $true` - Uses Pester to define an expected result. If the result is unexpected, then {% data variables.product.prodname_actions %} flags this as a failed test. For example: {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} * `Invoke-Pester Unit.Tests.ps1 -Passthru` - Uses Pester to execute tests defined in a file called `Unit.Tests.ps1`. For example, to perform the same test described above, the `Unit.Tests.ps1` will contain the following: ``` 7 content/actions/guides/storing-workflow-data-as-artifacts.md @@ -108,8 +108,6 @@ jobs: path: output/test/code-coverage.html ```  {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} ### Configuring a custom artifact retention period @@ -238,7 +236,12 @@ jobs: echo The result is $value ``` The workflow run will archive any artifacts that it generated. For more information on downloading archived artifacts, see "[Downloading workflow artifacts](/actions/managing-workflow-runs/downloading-workflow-artifacts)." {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" %} 8 content/actions/index.md @@ -68,18 +68,18 @@ versions: <h2 class="mb-2 font-mktg h1">Code examples</h2> <div class="pr-lg-3 mb-5 mt-3"> <input class="js-code-example-filter input-lg py-2 px-3 col-12 col-lg-8 form-control" placeholder="Search code examples" type="search" autocomplete="off" aria-label="Search code examples"/> <input class="js-filter-card-filter input-lg py-2 px-3 col-12 col-lg-8 form-control" placeholder="Search code examples" type="search" autocomplete="off" aria-label="Search code examples"/> </div> <div class="d-flex flex-wrap gutter"> {% render 'code-example-card' for actionsCodeExamples as example %} </div> <button class="js-code-example-show-more btn btn-outline float-right">Show more {% octicon "arrow-right" %}</button> <button class="js-filter-card-show-more btn btn-outline float-right">Show more {% octicon "arrow-right" %}</button> <div class="js-code-example-no-results d-none py-4 text-center text-gray font-mktg"> <div class="js-filter-card-no-results d-none py-4 text-center text-gray font-mktg"> <div class="mb-3">{% octicon "search" width="24" %}</div> <h3 class="text-normal">Sorry, there is no result for <strong class="js-code-example-filter-value"></strong></h3> <h3 class="text-normal">Sorry, there is no result for <strong class="js-filter-card-value"></strong></h3> <p class="my-3 f4">It looks like we don't have an example that fits your filter.<br>Try another filter or add your code example</p> <a href="https://github.com/github/docs/blob/main/data/variables/action_code_examples.yml">Learn how to add a code example {% octicon "arrow-right" %}</a> </div> 11 content/actions/learn-github-actions/introduction-to-github-actions.md @@ -204,7 +204,7 @@ In this diagram, you can see the workflow file you just created and how the {% d ### Viewing the job's activity Once your job has started running, you can view each step's activity on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}. Once your job has started running, you can {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}see a visualization graph of the run's progress and {% endif %}view each step's activity on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} 1. Under your repository name, click **Actions**. @@ -213,7 +213,14 @@ Once your job has started running, you can view each step's activity on {% data  1. Under "Workflow runs", click the name of the run you want to see.  {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %} 1. Under **Jobs** or in the visualization graph, click the job you want to see.  {% endif %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %} 1. View the results of each step.  {% elsif currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} 1. Click on the job name to see the results of each step.  {% else %} 7 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/canceling-a-workflow.md @@ -17,9 +17,14 @@ versions: {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.repositories.actions-tab %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. From the list of workflow runs, click the name of the `queued` or `in progress` run that you want to cancel.  1. In the upper-right corner of the workflow, click **Cancel workflow**. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} ### Steps {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} takes to cancel a workflow run 4 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/downloading-workflow-artifacts.md @@ -20,4 +20,8 @@ versions: {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. Under **Artifacts**, click the artifact you want to download. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} 1 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/index.md @@ -18,6 +18,7 @@ versions: {% data reusables.actions.enterprise-beta %} {% data reusables.actions.enterprise-github-hosted-runners %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}{% link_in_list /using-the-visualization-graph %}{% endif %} {% link_in_list /viewing-workflow-run-history %} {% link_in_list /using-workflow-run-logs %} {% link_in_list /manually-running-a-workflow %} 3 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/re-running-a-workflow.md @@ -16,5 +16,4 @@ versions: {% data reusables.repositories.actions-tab %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. In the upper-right corner of the workflow, use the **Re-run jobs** drop-down menu, and select **Re-run all jobs**.  1. In the upper-right corner of the workflow, use the **Re-run jobs** drop-down menu, and select **Re-run all jobs**.{% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}{% else %}{% endif %} 4 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/removing-workflow-artifacts.md @@ -27,7 +27,11 @@ versions: {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. Under **Artifacts**, click {% octicon "trashcan" aria-label="The trashcan icon" %} next to the artifact you want to remove. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} ### Setting the retention period for an artifact 23 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/using-the-visualization-graph.md @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ --- title: Using the visualization graph intro: Every workflow run generates a real-time graph that illustrates the run progress. You can use this graph to monitor and debug workflows. product: '{% data reusables.gated-features.actions %}' versions: free-pro-team: '*' enterprise-server: '>=3.1' --- {% data reusables.actions.enterprise-beta %} {% data reusables.actions.visualization-beta %} {% data reusables.actions.enterprise-github-hosted-runners %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.repositories.actions-tab %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. The graph displays each job in the workflow. An icon to the left of the job name indicates the status of the job. Lines between jobs indicate dependencies.  2. Click on a job to view the job log.  18 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/using-workflow-run-logs.md @@ -45,7 +45,11 @@ You can search the build logs for a particular step. When you search logs, only {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-job-superlinter %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} 1. In the upper-right corner of the log output, in the **Search logs** search box, type a search query. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} {% else %} 1. To expand each step you want to include in your search, click the step.  @@ -63,8 +67,12 @@ You can download the log files from your workflow run. You can also download a w {% data reusables.repositories.view-run-superlinter %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-job-superlinter %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} 1. In the upper right corner, click {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %} and select **Download log archive**. 1. In the upper right corner, click {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}{% octicon "gear" aria-label="The gear icon" %}{% else %}{% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %}{% endif %} and select **Download log archive**. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} {% else %} 1. In the upper right corner, click {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %} and select **Download log archive**.  @@ -80,9 +88,17 @@ You can delete the log files from your workflow run. {% data reusables.repositor {% data reusables.repositories.view-run-superlinter %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@2.22" %} 1. In the upper right corner, click {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %}. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} 2. To delete the log files, click the **Delete all logs** button and review the confirmation prompt. {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %}  {% else %}  {% endif %} After deleting logs, the **Delete all logs** button is removed to indicate that no log files remain in the workflow run. {% else %} 1. In the upper right corner, click {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %}. 2 content/actions/managing-workflow-runs/viewing-job-execution-time.md @@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ Billable job execution minutes are only shown for jobs run on private repositori {% data reusables.repositories.actions-tab %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run %} 1. Under the job summary, you can view the job's execution time. To view the billable job execution time, click **Run and billable time details**. 1. Under the job summary, you can view the job's execution time. To view details about the billable job execution time, click the time under **Billable time**.  {% note %} 5 content/actions/quickstart.md @@ -60,8 +60,13 @@ Committing the workflow file in your repository triggers the `push` event and ru {% data reusables.repositories.actions-tab %} {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-workflow-superlinter %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-run-superlinter %} {% if currentVersion == "free-pro-team@latest" or currentVersion ver_gt "enterprise-server@3.0" %} 1. Under **Jobs** or in the visualization graph, click the **Lint code base** job.  {% else %} 1. In the left sidebar, click the **Lint code base** job.  {% endif %} {% data reusables.repositories.view-failed-job-results-superlinter %} ### More starter workflows 49 content/developers/github-marketplace/about-github-marketplace.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- title: About GitHub Marketplace intro: 'Learn the basics to prepare your app for review before joining {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}.' intro: 'Learn about {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} where you can share your apps and actions publicly with all {% data variables.product.product_name %} users.' redirect_from: - /apps/marketplace/getting-started/ - /marketplace/getting-started @@ -14,52 +14,41 @@ versions: {% data reusables.actions.actions-not-verified %} To learn about publishing {% data variables.product.prodname_actions %} in the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, see "[Publishing actions in GitHub Marketplace](/actions/creating-actions/publishing-actions-in-github-marketplace)." To learn about publishing {% data variables.product.prodname_actions %} in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, see "[Publishing actions in GitHub Marketplace](/actions/creating-actions/publishing-actions-in-github-marketplace)." ### Apps You can list verified and unverified apps in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. Unverified apps do not go through the security, testing, and verification cycle {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} requires for verified apps. Anyone can share their apps with other users on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} but only listings that are verified by {% data variables.product.company_short %} can include paid plans. For more information, see "[About verified creators](/developers/github-marketplace/about-verified-creators)." Verified apps have a green badge in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. Unverified apps have a grey badge next to their listing and are only available as free apps. If you're interested in creating an app for {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, but you're new to {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %} or {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s, see "[Building {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %}](/developers/apps/building-github-apps)" or "[Building {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s](/developers/apps/building-oauth-apps)."  If you're interested in creating an app for {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, but you're new to {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %} and {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s, see "[Building apps](/apps/)." {% data reusables.marketplace.github_apps_preferred %}, although you can list both OAuth and {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %}s in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. See "[Differences between GitHub and OAuth apps](/apps/differences-between-apps/)" for more details. To learn more about switching from OAuth to {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %}, see [Migrating OAuth Apps to {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %}s](/apps/migrating-oauth-apps-to-github-apps/). {% data reusables.marketplace.github_apps_preferred %}, although you can list both OAuth and {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %}s in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. For more information, see "[Differences between {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %} and {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s](/apps/differences-between-apps/)" and "[Migrating {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s to {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %}](/apps/migrating-oauth-apps-to-github-apps/)." If you have questions about {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, please contact {% data variables.contact.contact_support %} directly. #### Unverified Apps Unverified apps do not need to meet the "[Requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/)" or go through the "[Security review process](/marketplace/getting-started/security-review-process/)". {% data reusables.marketplace.unverified-apps %} Having a published paid plan will prevent you from being able to submit an unverified app. You must remove paid plans or keep them in draft mode before publishing an unverified app. To list your unverified app in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you only need to create a "[Listing on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/)" and submit it as an unverified listing. {% data reusables.marketplace.launch-with-free %} ### Publishing an app to {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} #### Verified Apps When you have finished creating your app, you can share it with other users by publishing it to {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. In summary, the process is: If you've already built an app and you're interested in submitting a verified listing in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, start here: 1. Review your app carefully to ensure that it will behave as expected in other repositories and that it follows best practice guidelines. For more information, see "[Security best practices for apps](/developers/github-marketplace/security-best-practices-for-apps)" and "[Requirements for listing an app](/developers/github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app#best-practice-for-customer-experience)." 1. [Getting started with {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/)<br/>Learn about requirements, guidelines, and the app submission process. 1. Add webhook events to the app to track user billing requests. For more information about the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API, webhook events, and billing requests, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." 1. [Integrating with the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/)<br/>Before you can list your app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you'll need to integrate billing flows using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API and webhook events. 1. Create a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing. For more information, see "[Drafting a listing for your app](/developers/github-marketplace/drafting-a-listing-for-your-app)." 1. [Listing on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/) <br/>Create a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing, configure webhook settings, and set up pricing plans. 1. Add a pricing plan. For more information, see "[Setting pricing plans for your listing](/developers/github-marketplace/setting-pricing-plans-for-your-listing)." 1. [Selling your app](/marketplace/selling-your-app/)<br/>Learn about pricing plans, billing cycles, and how to receive payment from {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} for your app. 1. Check whether your app meets the requirements for listing on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} as a free or a paid app. For more information, see "[Requirements for listing an app](/developers/github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app)." 1. [{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Insights](/marketplace/github-marketplace-insights/)<br/>See how your app is performing in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. You can use metrics collected by {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} to guide your marketing campaign and be successful in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. 1. Read and accept the terms of the "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Developer Agreement](/articles/github-marketplace-developer-agreement/)." 1. [{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} transactions](/marketplace/github-marketplace-transactions/)<br/>Download and view transaction data for your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing. 1. Submit your listing for publication in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, requesting verification if you want to sell the app. For more information, see "[Submitting your listing for publication](/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-publication)." ### Reviewing your app An onboarding expert will contact you with any questions or further steps. For example, if you have added a paid plan, you will need to complete the verification process and complete financial onboarding. As soon as your listing is approved the app is published to {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. We want to make sure that the apps offered on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} are safe, secure, and well tested. The {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} onboarding specialists will review your app to ensure that it meets all requirements. Follow the guidelines in these articles before submitting your app: ### Seeing how your app is performing You can access metrics and transactions for your listing. For more information, see: * [Requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/) * [Security review process](/marketplace/getting-started/security-review-process/) - "[Viewing metrics for your listing](/developers/github-marketplace/viewing-metrics-for-your-listing)" - "[Viewing transactions for your listing](/developers/github-marketplace/viewing-transactions-for-your-listing)" 43 content/developers/github-marketplace/about-verified-creators.md @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ --- title: About verified creators intro: 'Each organization that wants to sell apps on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} must follow a verification process. Their identity is checked and their billing process reviewed.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### About verified creators A verified creator is an organization that {% data variables.product.company_short %} has checked. Anyone can share their apps with other users on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} but only organizations that are verified by {% data variables.product.company_short %} can sell apps. For more information about organizations, see "[About organizations](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/about-organizations)." The verification process aims to protect users. For example, it verifies the seller's identity, checks that their {% data variables.product.product_name %} organization is set up securely, and that they can be contacted for support. After passing the verification checks, any apps that the organization lists on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} are shown with a verified creator badge {% octicon "verified" aria-label="Verified creator badge" %}. The organization can now add paid plans to any of their apps. Each app with a paid plan also goes through a financial onboarding process to check that it's set up to handle billing correctly.  In addition to the verified creator badge, you'll also see badges for unverified and verified apps. These apps were published using the old method for verifying individual apps.  For information on finding apps to use, see "[Searching {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/github/searching-for-information-on-github/searching-github-marketplace)." ### About the verification process The first time you request verification for a listing of one of your apps, you will enter the verification process. An onboarding expert will guide you through the process. This includes checking: - Profile information - The basic profile information is populated accurately and appropriately. - Security - The organization has enabled two-factor authentication. - Verified domain - The organization has verified the domain of the site URL. - Purchase webhook event - The event is handled correctly by the app. When your organization is verified, all your apps are shown with a verified creator badge. You are now able to offer paid plans for any of your apps. For more information about the requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, see "[Requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/)." {% data reusables.marketplace.app-transfer-to-org-for-verification %} For information on how to do this, see: "[Submitting your listing for publication](/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-publication#transferring-an-app-to-an-organization-before-you-submit)." {% note %} **Note:** This verification process for apps replaces the previous process where individual apps were verified. The current process is similar to the verification process for actions. If you have apps that were verified under the old process, these will not be affected by the changes. The {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} team will contact you with details of how to migrate to organization-based verification. {% endnote %} 12 content/developers/github-marketplace/billing-customers.md @@ -13,17 +13,17 @@ versions: ### Understanding the billing cycle Customers can choose a monthly or yearly billing cycle when they purchase your app. All changes customers make to the billing cycle and plan selection will trigger a `marketplace_purchase` event. You can refer to the `marketplace_purchase` webhook payload to see which billing cycle a customer selects and when the next billing date begins (`effective_date`). For more information about webhook payloads, see "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} webhook events](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/github-marketplace-webhook-events/)." Customers can choose a monthly or yearly billing cycle when they purchase your app. All changes customers make to the billing cycle and plan selection will trigger a `marketplace_purchase` event. You can refer to the `marketplace_purchase` webhook payload to see which billing cycle a customer selects and when the next billing date begins (`effective_date`). For more information about webhook payloads, see "[Webhook events for the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API](/developers/github-marketplace/webhook-events-for-the-github-marketplace-api)." ### Providing billing services in your app's UI Customers must be able to perform the following actions from your app's website: - Customers must be able to modify or cancel their {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} plans for personal and organizational accounts separately. Customers should be able to perform the following actions from your app's website: - Customers should be able to modify or cancel their {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} plans for personal and organizational accounts separately. {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-billing-ui-requirements %} ### Billing services for upgrades, downgrades, and cancellations Follow these guidelines for upgrades, downgrades, and cancellations to maintain a clear and consistent billing process. For more detailed instructions about the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} purchase events, see "[Billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows)." Follow these guidelines for upgrades, downgrades, and cancellations to maintain a clear and consistent billing process. For more detailed instructions about the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} purchase events, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." You can use the `marketplace_purchase` webhook's `effective_date` key to determine when a plan change will occur and periodically synchronize the [List accounts for a plan](/rest/reference/apps#list-accounts-for-a-plan). @@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ When a customer upgrades their pricing plan or changes their billing cycle from {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-failed-purchase-event %} For information about building upgrade and downgrade workflows into your app, see "[Upgrading and downgrading plans](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/upgrading-and-downgrading-plans/)." For information about building upgrade and downgrade workflows into your app, see "[Handling plan changes](/developers/github-marketplace/handling-plan-changes)." #### Downgrades and cancellations @@ -45,4 +45,4 @@ When a customer cancels a plan, you must: {% data reusables.marketplace.cancellation-clarification %} - Enable them to upgrade the plan through GitHub if they would like to continue the plan at a later time. For information about building cancellation workflows into your app, see "[Cancelling plans](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/cancelling-plans/)." For information about building cancellation workflows into your app, see "[Handling plan cancellations](/developers/github-marketplace/handling-plan-cancellations)." 20 ...nt/developers/github-marketplace/customer-experience-best-practices-for-apps.md @@ -0,0 +1,20 @@ --- title: Customer experience best practices for apps intro: 'Guidelines for creating an app that will be easy to use and understand.' shortTitle: Customer experience best practice versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- If you follow these best practices it will help you to provide a good customer experience. ### Customer communication - Marketing materials for the app should accurately represent the app's behavior. - Apps should include links to user-facing documentation that describe how to set up and use the app. - Customers should be able to see what type of plan they have in the billing, profile, or account settings section of the app. - Customers should be able to install and use your app on both a personal account and an organization account. They should be able to view and manage the app on those accounts separately. ### Plan management {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-billing-ui-requirements %} 4 content/developers/github-marketplace/drafting-a-listing-for-your-app.md @@ -59,8 +59,8 @@ Once you've created a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} draft li ### Submitting your app Once you've completed your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing, you can submit your listing for review from the **Overview** page. You'll need to read and accept the "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Developer Agreement](/articles/github-marketplace-developer-agreement/)," and then you can click **Submit for review**. After you submit your app for review, the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} onboarding team will contact you with additional information about the onboarding process. You can learn more about the onboarding and security review process in "[Getting started with {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/)." Once you've completed your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing, you can submit your listing for review from the **Overview** page. You'll need to read and accept the "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Developer Agreement](/articles/github-marketplace-developer-agreement/)," and then you can click **Submit for review**. After you submit your app for review, an onboarding expert will contact you with additional information about the onboarding process. You can learn more about the onboarding and security review process in "[Getting started with {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/)." ### Removing a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing If you no longer want to list your app in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, contact [marketplace@github.com](mailto:marketplace@github.com) to remove your listing. If you no longer want to list your app in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, contact {% data variables.contact.contact_support %} to remove your listing. 2 content/developers/github-marketplace/handling-new-purchases-and-free-trials.md @@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ GitHub then sends the [`marketplace_purchase`](/webhooks/event-payloads/#marketp Read the `effective_date` and `marketplace_purchase` object from the `marketplace_purchase` webhook to determine which plan the customer purchased, when the billing cycle starts, and when the next billing cycle begins. If your app offers a free trial, read the `marketplace_purchase[on_free_trial]` attribute from the webhook. If the value is `true`, your app will need to track the free trial start date (`effective_date`) and the date the free trial ends (`free_trial_ends_on`). Use the `free_trial_ends_on` date to display the remaining days left in a free trial in your app's UI. You can do this in either a banner or in your [billing UI](/marketplace/selling-your-app/billing-customers-in-github-marketplace/#providing-billing-services-in-your-apps-ui). To learn how to handle cancellations before a free trial ends, see "[Cancelling plans](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/cancelling-plans/)." See "[Upgrading and downgrading plans](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/upgrading-and-downgrading-plans/)" to find out how to transition a free trial to a paid plan when a free trial expires. If your app offers a free trial, read the `marketplace_purchase[on_free_trial]` attribute from the webhook. If the value is `true`, your app will need to track the free trial start date (`effective_date`) and the date the free trial ends (`free_trial_ends_on`). Use the `free_trial_ends_on` date to display the remaining days left in a free trial in your app's UI. You can do this in either a banner or in your [billing UI](/marketplace/selling-your-app/billing-customers-in-github-marketplace/#providing-billing-services-in-your-apps-ui). To learn how to handle cancellations before a free trial ends, see "[Handling plan cancellations](/developers/github-marketplace/handling-plan-cancellations)." See "[Handling plan changes](/developers/github-marketplace/handling-plan-changes)" to find out how to transition a free trial to a paid plan when a free trial expires. See "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} webhook events](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/github-marketplace-webhook-events/)" for an example of the `marketplace_purchase` event payload. 6 content/developers/github-marketplace/index.md @@ -11,8 +11,10 @@ versions: {% topic_link_in_list /creating-apps-for-github-marketplace %} {% link_in_list /about-github-marketplace %} {% link_in_list /about-verified-creators %} {% link_in_list /requirements-for-listing-an-app %} {% link_in_list /security-review-process-for-submitted-apps %} {% link_in_list /security-best-practices-for-apps %} {% link_in_list /customer-experience-best-practices-for-apps %} {% link_in_list /viewing-metrics-for-your-listing %} {% link_in_list /viewing-transactions-for-your-listing %} {% topic_link_in_list /using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app %} @@ -27,7 +29,7 @@ versions: {% link_in_list /writing-a-listing-description-for-your-app %} {% link_in_list /setting-pricing-plans-for-your-listing %} {% link_in_list /configuring-a-webhook-to-notify-you-of-plan-changes %} {% link_in_list /submitting-your-listing-for-review %} {% link_in_list /submitting-your-listing-for-publication %} {% topic_link_in_list /selling-your-app-on-github-marketplace %} {% link_in_list /pricing-plans-for-github-marketplace-apps %} {% link_in_list /billing-customers %} 32 content/developers/github-marketplace/pricing-plans-for-github-marketplace-apps.md @@ -10,35 +10,45 @@ versions: {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans can be free, flat rate, or per-unit, and GitHub lists the price in US dollars. Customers purchase your app using a payment method attached to their {% data variables.product.product_name %} account, without having to leave GitHub.com. You don't have to write code to perform billing transactions, but you will have to handle [billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows) for purchase events. {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans can be free, flat rate, or per-unit. Prices are set, displayed, and processed in US dollars. Paid plans are restricted to verified listings. Customers purchase your app using a payment method attached to their {% data variables.product.product_name %} account, without having to leave {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom_the_website %}. You don't have to write code to perform billing transactions, but you will have to handle events from the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API. For more information, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." If the app you're listing on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} has multiple plan options, you can set up corresponding pricing plans. For example, if your app has two plan options, an open source plan and a pro plan, you can set up a free pricing plan for your open source plan and a flat pricing plan for your pro plan. Each {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing must have an annual and a monthly price for every plan that's listed. For more information on how to create a pricing plan, see "[Setting a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing's pricing plan](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/setting-a-github-marketplace-listing-s-pricing-plan/)." {% note %} {% data reusables.marketplace.free-plan-note %} **Note:** If you're listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you can't list your app with a free pricing plan if you offer a paid service outside of {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. ### Types of pricing plans {% endnote %} #### Free pricing plans ### Types of pricing plans {% data reusables.marketplace.free-apps-encouraged %} Free plans are completely free for users. If you set up a free pricing plan, you cannot charge users that choose the free pricing plan for the use of your app. You can create both free and paid plans for your listing. All apps need to handle events for new purchases and cancellations. Apps that only have free plans do not need to handle events for free trials, upgrades, and downgrades. For more information, see: "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." If you add a paid plan to an app that you've already listed in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} as a free service, you'll need to request verification for the app and go through financial onboarding. #### Paid pricing plans **Free pricing plans** are completely free for users. If you set up a free pricing plan, you cannot charge users that choose the free pricing plan for the use of your app. You can create both free and paid plans for your listing. Unverified free apps do not need to implement any billing flows. Free apps that are verified by Github need to implement billing flows for new purchases and cancellations, but do not need to implement billing flows for free trials, upgrades, and downgrades. If you add a paid plan to an app that you've already listed in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} as a free service, you'll need to resubmit the app for review. There are two types of paid pricing plan: **Flat rate pricing plans** charge a set fee on a monthly and yearly basis. - Flat rate pricing plans charge a set fee on a monthly and yearly basis. **Per-unit pricing plans** charge a set fee on either a monthly or yearly basis for a unit that you specify. A "unit" can be anything you'd like (for example, a user, seat, or person). - Per-unit pricing plans charge a set fee on either a monthly or yearly basis for a unit that you specify. A "unit" can be anything you'd like (for example, a user, seat, or person). **Marketplace free trials** provide 14-day free trials of OAuth or GitHub Apps to customers. When you [set up a Marketplace pricing plan](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/setting-a-github-marketplace-listing-s-pricing-plan/), you can select the option to provide a free trial for flat-rate or per-unit pricing plans. You may also want to offer free trials. These provide free, 14-day trials of OAuth or GitHub Apps to customers. When you set up a Marketplace pricing plan, you can select the option to provide a free trial for flat-rate or per-unit pricing plans. ### Free trials Customers can start a free trial for any available paid plan on a Marketplace listing, but will not be able to create more than one free trial for a Marketplace product. Customers can start a free trial for any paid plan on a Marketplace listing that includes free trials. However, customers cannot create more than one free trial per marketplace product. Free trials have a fixed length of 14 days. Customers are notified 4 days before the end of their trial period (on day 11 of the free trial) that their plan will be upgraded. At the end of a free trial, customers will be auto-enrolled into the plan they are trialing if they do not cancel. See "[New purchases and free trials](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/handling-new-purchases-and-free-trials/)" for details on how to handle free trials in your app. For more information, see: "[Handling new purchases and free trials](/developers/github-marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/handling-new-purchases-and-free-trials/)." {% note %} 61 content/developers/github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- title: Requirements for listing an app intro: 'Apps on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} must meet the requirements outlined on this page before our {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} onboarding specialists will approve the listing.' intro: 'Apps on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} must meet the requirements outlined on this page before the listing can be published.' redirect_from: - /apps/adding-integrations/listing-apps-on-github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/ - /apps/marketplace/listing-apps-on-github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/ @@ -12,49 +12,62 @@ versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- <!--UI-LINK: Displayed as a link on the https://github.com/marketplace/new page.--> The requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} vary according to whether you want to offer a free or a paid app. Before you submit your app for review, you must read and accept the terms of the "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Developer Agreement](/articles/github-marketplace-developer-agreement/)." You'll accept the terms within your [draft listing](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/creating-a-draft-github-marketplace-listing/) on {% data variables.product.product_name %}. Once you've submitted your app, one of the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} onboarding specialists will reach out to you with more information about the onboarding process, and review your app to ensure it meets these requirements: ### Requirements for all {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listings ### User experience All listings on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} should be for tools that provide value to the {% data variables.product.product_name %} community. When you submit your listing for publication, you must read and accept the terms of the "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Developer Agreement](/articles/github-marketplace-developer-agreement/)." - {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %}s should have a minimum of 100 installations. - {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s should have a minimum of 200 users. #### User experience requirements for all apps All listings should meet the following requirements, regardless of whether they are for a free or paid app. - Listings must not actively persuade users away from {% data variables.product.product_name %}. - Listings must include valid contact information for the publisher. - Listings must have a relevant description of the application. - Listings must specify a pricing plan. - Apps must provide value to customers and integrate with the platform in some way beyond authentication. - Apps must be publicly available in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} and cannot be in beta or available by invite only. - Apps cannot actively persuade users away from {% data variables.product.product_name %}. - Marketing materials for the app must accurately represent the app's behavior. - Apps must include links to user-facing documentation that describe how to set up and use the app. - When a customer purchases an app and GitHub redirects them to the app's installation URL, the app must begin the OAuth flow immediately. For details, see "[Handling new purchases and free trials](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/handling-new-purchases-and-free-trials/#step-3-authorization)." - Apps must have webhook events set up to notify the publisher of any plan changes or cancellations using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API. For more information, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." - Customers must be able to install your app and select repositories on both a personal and organization account. They should be able to view and manage those accounts separately. For more information on providing a good customer experience, see "[Customer experience best practices for apps](/developers/github-marketplace/customer-experience-best-practices-for-apps)." ### Brand and listing #### Brand and listing requirements for all apps - Apps that use GitHub logos must follow the "[{% data variables.product.product_name %} Logos and Usage](https://github.com/logos)" guidelines. - Apps that use GitHub logos must follow the {% data variables.product.company_short %} guidelines. For more information, see "[{% data variables.product.company_short %} Logos and Usage](https://github.com/logos)." - Apps must have a logo, feature card, and screenshots images that meet the recommendations provided in "[Writing {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing descriptions](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/writing-github-marketplace-listing-descriptions/)." - Listings must include descriptions that are well written and free of grammatical errors. For guidance in writing your listing, see "[Writing {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing descriptions](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/writing-github-marketplace-listing-descriptions/)." ### Security To protect your customers, we recommend that you also follow security best practices. For more information, see "[Security best practices for apps](/developers/github-marketplace/security-best-practices-for-apps)." ### Considerations for free apps Apps will go through a security review before being listed on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. A successful review will meet the requirements and follow the security best practices listed in "[Security review process](/marketplace/getting-started/security-review-process/)." For information on the review process, contact [marketplace@github.com](mailto:marketplace@github.com). {% data reusables.marketplace.free-apps-encouraged %} ### Requirements for paid apps In addition to the requirements for all apps above, each app that you offer as a paid service on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} must also meet the following requirements: - {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %}s should have a minimum of 100 installations. - {% data variables.product.prodname_oauth_app %}s should have a minimum of 200 users. - All paid apps must handle {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} purchase events for new purchases, upgrades, downgrades, cancellations, and free trials. For more information, see "[Billing requirements for paid apps](#billing-requirements-for-paid-apps)" below. - Publishing organizations must have a verified domain and must enable two-factor authentication. For more information, see "[Requiring two-factor authentication in your organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/requiring-two-factor-authentication-in-your-organization.") ### Billing flows When you are ready to publish the app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} you must request verification for the listing. Your app must integrate [billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows) using the [{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} webhook event](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/github-marketplace-webhook-events/). {% note %} #### Free apps The verification process is open to organizations. {% data reusables.marketplace.app-transfer-to-org-for-verification %} For information on how to do this, see: "[Submitting your listing for publication](/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-publication#transferring-an-app-to-an-organization-before-you-submit)." {% data reusables.marketplace.free-apps-encouraged %} If you are listing a free app, you'll need to meet these requirements: {% endnote %} - Customers must be able to see that they have a free plan in the billing, profile, or account settings section of the app. - When a customer cancels your app, you must follow the flow for [cancelling plans](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/cancelling-plans/). ### Billing requirements for paid apps #### Paid apps Your app does not need to handle payments but does need to use {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} purchase events to manage new purchases, upgrades, downgrades, cancellations, and free trials. For information about how integrate these events into your app, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." To offer your app as a paid service, you'll need to meet these requirements to list your app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}: Using GitHub's billing API allows customers to purchase an app without leaving GitHub and to pay for the service with the payment method already attached to their {% data variables.product.product_name %} account. - To sell your app in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, it must use GitHub's billing system. Your app does not need to handle payments but does need to use "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} purchase events](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/github-marketplace-webhook-events/)" to manage new purchases, upgrades, downgrades, cancellations, and free trials. See "[Billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows)" to learn about how to integrate these events into your app. Using GitHub's billing system allows customers to purchase an app without leaving GitHub and pay for the service with the payment method already attached to their {% data variables.product.product_name %} account. - Apps must support both monthly and annual billing for paid subscriptions purchases. - Listings may offer any combination of free and paid plans. Free plans are optional but encouraged. For more information, see "[Setting a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing's pricing plan](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/setting-a-github-marketplace-listing-s-pricing-plan/)." {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-billing-ui-requirements %} 60 content/developers/github-marketplace/security-best-practices-for-apps.md @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ --- title: Security best practices for apps intro: 'Guidelines for preparing a secure app to share on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}.' redirect_from: - /apps/marketplace/getting-started/security-review-process/ - /marketplace/getting-started/security-review-process - /developers/github-marketplace/security-review-process-for-submitted-apps shortTitle: Security best practice versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- If you follow these best practices it will help you to provide a secure user experience. ### Authorization, authentication, and access control We recommend creating a GitHub App rather than an OAuth App. {% data reusables.marketplace.github_apps_preferred %}. See "[Differences between GitHub Apps and OAuth Apps](/apps/differences-between-apps/)" for more details. - Apps should use the principle of least privilege and should only request the OAuth scopes and GitHub App permissions that the app needs to perform its intended functionality. For more information, see [Principle of least privilege](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_least_privilege) in Wikipedia. - Apps should provide customers with a way to delete their account, without having to email or call a support person. - Apps should not share tokens between different implementations of the app. For example, a desktop app should have a separate token from a web-based app. Individual tokens allow each app to request the access needed for GitHub resources separately. - Design your app with different user roles, depending on the functionality needed by each type of user. For example, a standard user should not have access to admin functionality, and billing managers might not need push access to repository code. - Apps should not share service accounts such as email or database services to manage your SaaS service. - All services used in your app should have unique login and password credentials. - Admin privilege access to the production hosting infrastructure should only be given to engineers and employees with administrative duties. - Apps should not use personal access tokens to authenticate and should authenticate as an [OAuth App](/apps/about-apps/#about-oauth-apps) or a [GitHub App](/apps/about-apps/#about-github-apps): - OAuth Apps should authenticate using an [OAuth token](/apps/building-oauth-apps/authorizing-oauth-apps/). - GitHub Apps should authenticate using either a [JSON Web Token (JWT)](/apps/building-github-apps/authenticating-with-github-apps/#authenticating-as-a-github-app), [OAuth token](/apps/building-github-apps/identifying-and-authorizing-users-for-github-apps/), or [installation access token](/apps/building-github-apps/authenticating-with-github-apps/#authenticating-as-an-installation). ### Data protection - Apps should encrypt data transferred over the public internet using HTTPS, with a valid TLS certificate, or SSH for Git. - Apps should store client ID and client secret keys securely. We recommend storing them as [environmental variables](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environment_variable#Getting_and_setting_environment_variables). - Apps should delete all GitHub user data within 30 days of receiving a request from the user, or within 30 days of the end of the user's legal relationship with GitHub. - Apps should not require the user to provide their GitHub password. - Apps should encrypt tokens, client IDs, and client secrets. ### Logging and monitoring Apps should have logging and monitoring capabilities. App logs should be retained for at least 30 days and archived for at least one year. A security log should include: - Authentication and authorization events - Service configuration changes - Object reads and writes - All user and group permission changes - Elevation of role to admin - Consistent timestamping for each event - Source users, IP addresses, and/or hostnames for all logged actions ### Incident response workflow To provide a secure experience for users, you should have a clear incident response plan in place before listing your app. We recommend having a security and operations incident response team in your company rather than using a third-party vendor. You should have the capability to notify {% data variables.product.product_name %} within 24 hours of a confirmed incident. For an example of an incident response workflow, see the "Data Breach Response Policy" on the [SANS Institute website](https://www.sans.org/information-security-policy/). A short document with clear steps to take in the event of an incident is more valuable than a lengthy policy template. ### Vulnerability management and patching workflow You should conduct regular vulnerability scans of production infrastructure. You should triage the results of vulnerability scans and define a period of time in which you agree to remediate the vulnerability. If you are not ready to set up a full vulnerability management program, it's useful to start by creating a patching process. For guidance in creating a patch management policy, see this TechRepublic article "[Establish a patch management policy](https://www.techrepublic.com/blog/it-security/establish-a-patch-management-policy-87756/)." 94 ...ent/developers/github-marketplace/security-review-process-for-submitted-apps.md This file was deleted. 53 content/developers/github-marketplace/setting-pricing-plans-for-your-listing.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- title: Setting pricing plans for your listing intro: 'When [listing your app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/), you can choose to provide your app as a free service or sell your app. If you plan to sell your app, you can create different pricing plans for different feature tiers.' intro: 'When you list your app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you can choose to provide your app as a free service or sell your app. If you plan to sell your app, you can create different pricing plans for different feature tiers.' redirect_from: - /apps/adding-integrations/managing-pricing-and-payments-for-a-github-marketplace-listing/setting-a-github-marketplace-listing-s-pricing-plan/ - /apps/marketplace/managing-pricing-and-payments-for-a-github-marketplace-listing/setting-a-github-marketplace-listing-s-pricing-plan/ @@ -17,57 +17,52 @@ versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### About setting pricing plans If you want to sell an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you need to request verification when you publish the listing for your app. During the verification process, an onboarding expert checks the organization's identity and security settings. The onboarding expert will also take the organization through financial onboarding. For more information, see: "[Requirements for listing an app on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/marketplace/getting-started/requirements-for-listing-an-app-on-github-marketplace/)." ### Creating pricing plans To learn about the types of pricing plans that {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} offers, see "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} Pricing Plans](/marketplace/selling-your-app/github-marketplace-pricing-plans/)." You'll also find helpful billing guidelines in "[Selling your app](/marketplace/selling-your-app/)." Pricing plans can be in the draft or published state. If you haven't submitted your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing for approval, a published listing will function the same way as draft listings until your app is approved and listed on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. Draft listings allow you to create and save new pricing plans without making them available on your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing page. Once you publish the pricing plan, it's available for customers to purchase immediately. You can publish up to 10 pricing plans. {% data reusables.marketplace.app-transfer-to-org-for-verification %} For information on how to do this, see: "[Submitting your listing for publication](/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-publication#transferring-an-app-to-an-organization-before-you-submit)." To create a pricing plan for your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing, click **Plans and pricing** in the left sidebar of your [{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing page](https://github.com/marketplace/manage). If you haven't created a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing yet, read "[Creating a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/creating-a-draft-github-marketplace-listing/)" to learn how. When you click **New draft plan**, you'll see a form that allows you to customize your pricing plan. You'll need to configure the following fields to create a pricing plan: {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} offers several different types of pricing plan. For detailed information, see "[Pricing plans for {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/developers/github-marketplace/pricing-plans-for-github-marketplace-apps)." #### Plan name ### About saving pricing plans Your pricing plan's name will appear on your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} app's landing page. You can customize the name of your pricing plan to align to the plan's resources, the size of the company that will use the plan, or anything you'd like. You can save pricing plans in a draft or published state. If you haven't submitted your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing for approval, a published plan will function in the same way as a draft plan until your listing is approved and shown on {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}. Draft plans allow you to create and save new pricing plans without making them available on your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing page. Once you publish a pricing plan on a published listing, it's available for customers to purchase immediately. You can publish up to 10 pricing plans. #### Pricing models For guidelines on billing customers, see "[Billing customers](/developers/github-marketplace/billing-customers)." ##### Free plans {% data reusables.marketplace.free-apps-encouraged %} A free plan still requires you to handle [new purchase](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/handling-new-purchases-and-free-trials/) and [cancellation](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/cancelling-plans/) billing flows. See "[Billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows)" for more details. ##### Flat-rate plans ### Creating pricing plans Flat-rate pricing plans allow you to offer your service to customers for a flat-rate fee. {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-pricing-free-trials %} To create a pricing plan for your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing, click **Plans and pricing** in the left sidebar of your [{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing page](https://github.com/marketplace/manage). For more information, see "[Creating a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/creating-a-draft-github-marketplace-listing/)." You must set a price for both monthly and yearly subscriptions in U.S. Dollars for flat-rate plans. When you click **New draft plan**, you'll see a form that allows you to customize your pricing plan. You'll need to configure the following fields to create a pricing plan: ##### Per-unit plans - **Plan name** - Your pricing plan's name will appear on your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} app's landing page. You can customize the name of your pricing plan to align with the plan's resources, the size of the company that will use the plan, or anything you'd like. Per-unit pricing allows you to offer your app in units. For example, a unit can be a person, seat, or user. You'll need to provide a name for the unit and set a price for both monthly and yearly subscriptions, in U.S. Dollars. - **Pricing models** - There are three types of pricing plan: free, flat-rate, and per-unit. All plans require you to process new purchase and cancellation events from the marketplace API. In addition, for paid plans: #### Available for - You must set a price for both monthly and yearly subscriptions in US dollars. - Your app must process plan change events. - You must request verification to publish a listing with a paid plan. - {% data reusables.marketplace.marketplace-pricing-free-trials %} {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans can apply to **Personal and organization accounts**, **Personal accounts only**, or **Organization accounts only**. For example, if your pricing plan is per-unit and provides multiple seats, you would select **Organization accounts only** because there is no way to assign seats to people in an organization from a personal account. For detailed information, see "[Pricing plans for {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} apps](/developers/github-marketplace/pricing-plans-for-github-marketplace-apps)" and "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." #### Short description - **Available for** - {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans can apply to **Personal and organization accounts**, **Personal accounts only**, or **Organization accounts only**. For example, if your pricing plan is per-unit and provides multiple seats, you would select **Organization accounts only** because there is no way to assign seats to people in an organization from a personal account. Write a brief summary of the details of the pricing plan. The description might include the type of customer the plan is intended for or the resources the plan includes. - **Short description** - Write a brief summary of the details of the pricing plan. The description might include the type of customer the plan is intended for or the resources the plan includes. #### Bullets - **Bullets** - You can write up to four bullets that include more details about your pricing plan. The bullets might include the use cases of your app or list more detailed information about the resources or features included in the plan. You can write up to four bullets that include more details about your pricing plan. The bullets might include the use cases of your app or list more detailed information about the resources or features included in the plan. {% data reusables.marketplace.free-plan-note %} ### Changing a {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing's pricing plan If a pricing plan for your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} plan is no longer needed or if you need to adjust pricing details, you can remove it. If a pricing plan for your {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing is no longer needed, or if you need to adjust pricing details, you can remove it.  Once you publish a pricing plan for an app already listed in the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you can't make changes to the plan. Instead, you'll need to remove the pricing plan. Customers who already purchased the removed pricing plan will continue to use it until they opt out and move onto a new pricing plan. For more on pricing plans, see "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans](/marketplace/selling-your-app/github-marketplace-pricing-plans/)." Once you publish a pricing plan for an app that is already listed in {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}, you can't make changes to the plan. Instead, you'll need to remove the pricing plan and create a new plan. Customers who already purchased the removed pricing plan will continue to use it until they opt out and move onto a new pricing plan. For more on pricing plans, see "[{% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} pricing plans](/marketplace/selling-your-app/github-marketplace-pricing-plans/)." Once you remove a pricing plan, users won't be able to purchase your app using that plan. Existing users on the removed pricing plan will continue to stay on the plan until they cancel their plan subscription. 37 content/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-publication.md @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ --- title: Submitting your listing for publication intro: 'You can submit your listing for the {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} community to use.' redirect_from: - /marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-review - /developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-review versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- Once you've completed the listing for your app, you'll see two buttons that allow you to request publication of the listing with or without verification. The **Request** button for "Publish without verification" is disabled if you have published any paid pricing plans in the listing.  {% data reusables.marketplace.launch-with-free %} After you submit your listing for review, an onboarding expert will reach out to you with additional information. For an overview of the process for creating and submitting a listing, see "[About {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %}](/developers/github-marketplace/about-github-marketplace#publishing-an-app-to-github-marketplace)." ### Prerequisites for publishing with verification Before you request verification of your listing, you'll need to integrate the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} billing flows and webhook into your app. For more information, see "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." If you've met the requirements for listing and you've integrated with the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API, go ahead and submit your listing. For more information, see "[Requirements for listing an app](/developers/github-marketplace/requirements-for-listing-an-app)." {% data reusables.marketplace.app-transfer-to-org-for-verification %} For information on how to do this, see: "[Transferring an app to an organization before you submit](#transferring-an-app-to-an-organization-before-you-submit)" below. ### Transferring an app to an organization before you submit You cannot sell an app that's owned by a user account. You need to transfer the app to an organization that is already a verified creator, or that can request verification for a listing for the app. For details, see: 1. "[Creating an organization from scratch](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/creating-a-new-organization-from-scratch)" 1. "[Transferring ownership of a GitHub App](/developers/apps/transferring-ownership-of-a-github-app)" or "[Transferring ownership of an OAuth App](/developers/apps/transferring-ownership-of-an-oauth-app)" 22 content/developers/github-marketplace/submitting-your-listing-for-review.md This file was deleted. 4 content/developers/github-marketplace/testing-your-app.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- title: Testing your app intro: 'GitHub recommends testing your app with APIs and webhooks before submitting your listing to {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} so you can provide an ideal experience for customers. Before the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} onboarding team approves your app, it must adequately handle the [billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows).' intro: 'GitHub recommends testing your app with APIs and webhooks before submitting your listing to {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} so you can provide an ideal experience for customers. Before an onboarding expert approves your app, it must adequately handle the billing flows.' redirect_from: - /apps/marketplace/testing-apps-apis-and-webhooks/ - /apps/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/testing-github-marketplace-apps/ @@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ versions: ### Testing apps You can use a [draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing](/marketplace/listing-on-github-marketplace/creating-a-draft-github-marketplace-listing/) to simulate each of the [billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows). A listing in the draft state means that it has not been submitted for approval. Any purchases you make using a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing will _not_ create real transactions, and GitHub will not charge your credit card. You can use a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing to simulate each of the billing flows. A listing in the draft state means that it has not been submitted for approval. Any purchases you make using a draft {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} listing will _not_ create real transactions, and GitHub will not charge your credit card. For more information, see "[Drafting a listing for your app](/developers/github-marketplace/drafting-a-listing-for-your-app)" and "[Using the {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} API in your app](/developers/github-marketplace/using-the-github-marketplace-api-in-your-app)." #### Using a development app with a draft listing to test changes 2 .../developers/github-marketplace/webhook-events-for-the-github-marketplace-api.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- title: Webhook events for the GitHub Marketplace API intro: 'A {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} app receives information about changes to a user''s plan from the Marketplace purchase event webhook. A Marketplace purchase event is triggered when a user purchases, cancels, or changes their payment plan. For details on how to respond to each of these types of events, see "[Billing flows](/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/#billing-flows)."' intro: 'A {% data variables.product.prodname_marketplace %} app receives information about changes to a user''s plan from the Marketplace purchase event webhook. A Marketplace purchase event is triggered when a user purchases, cancels, or changes their payment plan.' redirect_from: - /apps/marketplace/setting-up-github-marketplace-webhooks/about-webhook-payloads-for-a-github-marketplace-listing/ - /apps/marketplace/integrating-with-the-github-marketplace-api/github-marketplace-webhook-events/ 4 content/developers/webhooks-and-events/webhook-events-and-payloads.md @@ -445,7 +445,7 @@ Key | Type | Description #### Webhook payload object {% data reusables.webhooks.installation_properties %} {% data reusables.webhooks.app_desc %} {% data reusables.webhooks.app_always_desc %} {% data reusables.webhooks.sender_desc %} #### Webhook payload example @@ -469,7 +469,7 @@ Key | Type | Description #### Webhook payload object {% data reusables.webhooks.installation_repositories_properties %} {% data reusables.webhooks.app_desc %} {% data reusables.webhooks.app_always_desc %} {% data reusables.webhooks.sender_desc %} #### Webhook payload example 54 ...ssions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions.md @@ -0,0 +1,54 @@ --- title: About discussions intro: Use discussions to ask and answer questions, share information, make announcements, and conduct or participate in a conversation about a project on {% data variables.product.product_name %}. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About discussions With {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %}, the community for your project can create and participate in conversations within the project's repository. Discussions empower a project's maintainers, contributors, and visitors to gather and accomplish the following goals in a central location, without third-party tools. - Share announcements and information, gather feedback, plan, and make decisions - Ask questions, discuss and answer the questions, and mark the discussions as answered - Foster an inviting atmosphere for visitors and contributors to discuss goals, development, administration, and workflows  You don't need to close a discussion like you close an issue or a pull request. If a repository administrator or project maintainer enables discussions for a repository, anyone who visits the repository can create and participate in discussions for the repository. Repository administrators and project maintainers can manage discussions and discussion categories in a repository, and pin discussions to increase the visibility of the discussion. Moderators and collaborators can mark comments as answers, lock discussions, and convert issues to discussions. For more information, see "[Repository permission levels for an organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/repository-permission-levels-for-an-organization)." For more information about management of discussions for your repository, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository)." ### About categories and formats for discussions {% data reusables.discussions.you-can-categorize-discussions %} {% data reusables.discussions.about-categories-and-formats %} {% data reusables.discussions.repository-category-limit %} For discussions with a question/answer format, an individual comment within the discussion can be marked as the discussion's answer. {% data reusables.discussions.github-recognizes-members %} For more information, see "[Managing categories for discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository)." ### Best practices for discussions As a community member or maintainer, start a discussion to ask a question or discuss information that affects the community. For more information, see "[Collaborating with maintainers using discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/collaborating-with-maintainers-using-discussions)." Participate in a discussion to ask and answer questions, provide feedback, and engage with the project's community. For more information, see "[Participating in a discussion](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/participating-in-a-discussion)." You can spotlight discussions that contain important, useful, or exemplary conversations among members in the community. For more information, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository#pinning-a-discussion)." {% data reusables.discussions.you-can-convert-an-issue %} For more information, see "[Moderating discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions#converting-an-issue-to-a-discussion)." ### Sharing feedback You can share your feedback about {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} with {% data variables.product.company_short %}. To join the conversation, see [`github/feedback`](https://github.com/github/feedback/discussions?discussions_q=category%3A%22Discussions+Feedback%22). ### Further reading - "[About writing and formatting on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/writing-on-github/about-writing-and-formatting-on-github)" - "[Searching discussions](/github/searching-for-information-on-github/searching-discussions)" - "[About notifications](/github/managing-subscriptions-and-notifications-on-github/about-notifications)" - "[Moderating comments and conversations](/github/building-a-strong-community/moderating-comments-and-conversations)" - "[Maintaining your safety on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/building-a-strong-community/maintaining-your-safety-on-github)" 50 ...community-using-discussions/collaborating-with-maintainers-using-discussions.md @@ -0,0 +1,50 @@ --- title: Collaborating with maintainers using discussions shortTitle: Collaborating with maintainers intro: You can contribute to the goals, plans, health, and community for a project on {% data variables.product.product_name %} by communicating with the maintainers of the project in a discussion. permissions: People with read permissions to a repository can start and participate in discussions in the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About collaboration with maintainers using discussions {% data reusables.discussions.about-discussions %} If you use or contribute to a project, you can start a discussion to make suggestions and engage with maintainers and community members about your plans, questions, ideas, and feedback. For more information, see "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions)." {% data reusables.discussions.about-categories-and-formats %} Repository administrators and project maintainers can delete a discussion. For more information, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository#deleting-a-discussion)." {% data reusables.discussions.github-recognizes-members %} These members appear in a list of the most helpful contributors to the project's discussions. As your project grows, you can grant higher access permissions to active members of your community. For more information, see "[Granting higher permissions to top contributors](/discussions/guides/granting-higher-permissions-to-top-contributors)"  For more information about participation in discussions, see "[Participating in a discussion](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/participating-in-a-discussion)." ### Prerequisites To collaborate with maintainers using discussions, a repository administrator or project maintainer must enable discussions for the repository. For more information, see "[Enabling or disabling discussions for a repository](/github/administering-a-repository/enabling-or-disabling-github-discussions-for-a-repository)." ### Starting a discussion {% data reusables.discussions.starting-a-discussion %} ### Filtering the list of discussions You can search for discussions and filter the list of discussions in a repository. For more information, see "[Searching discussions](/github/searching-for-information-on-github/searching-discussions)." {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} 1. In the **Search all discussions** field, type a search query. Optionally, to the right of the search field, click a button to further filter the results.  1. In the list of discussions, click the discussion you want to view.  ### Converting an issue to a discussion {% data reusables.discussions.you-can-convert-an-issue %} For more information, see "[Moderating discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions#converting-an-issue-to-a-discussion#converting-an-issue-to-a-discussion)." ### Further reading - "[About writing and formatting on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/writing-on-github/about-writing-and-formatting-on-github)" - "[Maintaining your safety on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/building-a-strong-community/maintaining-your-safety-on-github)" 14 content/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,14 @@ --- title: Collaborating with your community using discussions shortTitle: Collaborating using discussions intro: Gather and discuss your project with community members and other maintainers. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} {% link_in_list /about-discussions %} {% link_in_list /participating-in-a-discussion %} {% link_in_list /collaborating-with-maintainers-using-discussions %} 31 ...borating-with-your-community-using-discussions/participating-in-a-discussion.md @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ --- title: Participating in a discussion intro: You can converse with the community and maintainers in a forum within the repository for a project on {% data variables.product.product_name %}. permissions: People with read permissions to a repository can participate in discussions in the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About participation in a discussion {% data reusables.discussions.about-discussions %} For more information, see "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions)." In addition to starting or viewing a discussion, you can comment in response to the original comment from the author of the discussion. You can also create a comment thread by replying to an individual comment that another community member made within the discussion, and react to comments with emoji. For more information about reactions, see "[About conversations on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests/about-conversations-on-github#reacting-to-ideas-in-comments)." You can block users and report disruptive content to maintain a safe and pleasant environment for yourself on {% data variables.product.product_name %}. For more information, see "[Maintaining your safety on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/building-a-strong-community/maintaining-your-safety-on-github)." ### Prerequisites Discussions must be enabled for the repository for you to participate in a discussion in the repository. For more information, see "[Enabling or disabling discussions for a repository](/github/administering-a-repository/enabling-or-disabling-github-discussions-for-a-repository)." ### Creating a discussion {% data reusables.discussions.starting-a-discussion %} ### Marking a comment as an answer Discussion authors and users with the triage role or greater for a repository can mark a comment as the answer to a discussion in the repository. {% data reusables.discussions.marking-a-comment-as-an-answer %} 49 content/discussions/guides/best-practices-for-community-conversations-on-github.md @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ --- title: Best practices for community conversations on GitHub shortTitle: Best practices for community conversations intro: 'You can use discussions to brainstorm with your team, and eventually move the conversation to a discussion when you are ready to scope out the work.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### Community conversations in {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} Since {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} is an open forum, there is an opportunity to bring non-code collaboration into a project's repository and gather diverse feedback and ideas more quickly. You can help drive a productive conversation by: - Asking pointed questions and follow-up questions to garner specific feedback - Capture a diverse experience and distill it down to main points - Open an issue to take action based on the conversation, where applicable For more information about opening an issue and cross-referencing a discussion, see "[Opening an issue from a comment](/github/managing-your-work-on-github/opening-an-issue-from-a-comment)." ### Learning about conversations on GitHub You can create and participate in discussions, issues, and pull requests, depending on the type of conversation you'd like to have. You can use {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} to discuss big picture ideas, brainstorm, and spike out a project's specific details before committing it to an issue, which can then be scoped. Discussions are useful for teams if: - You are in the discovery phase of a project and are still learning which director your team wants to go in - You want to collect feedback from a wider community about a project - You want to keep bug fixes, feature requests, and general conversations separate Issues are useful for discussing specific details of a project such as bug reports and planned improvements. For more information, see "[About issues](/articles/about-issues)." Pull requests allow you to comment directly on proposed changes. For more information, see "[About pull requests](/articles/about-pull-requests)" and "[Commenting on a pull request](/articles/commenting-on-a-pull-request)." {% data reusables.organizations.team-discussions-purpose %} For more information, see "[About team discussions](/articles/about-team-discussions)." ### Following contributing guidelines Before you open a discussion, check to see if the repository has contributing guidelines. The CONTRIBUTING file includes information about how the repository maintainer would like you to contribute ideas to the project. For more information, see "[Setting up your project for healthy contributions](/github/building-a-strong-community/setting-up-your-project-for-healthy-contributions)." ### Next steps To continue learning about {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} and quickly create a discussion for your community, see "[Quickstart for {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %}](/discussions/quickstart)." ### Further reading - "[Setting up your project for healthy contributions](/articles/setting-up-your-project-for-healthy-contributions)" - "[Using templates to encourage useful issues and pull requests](/github/building-a-strong-community/using-templates-to-encourage-useful-issues-and-pull-requests)" - "[Moderating comments and conversations](/articles/moderating-comments-and-conversations)" - "[Writing on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/articles/writing-on-github)" 21 content/discussions/guides/finding-discussions-across-multiple-repositories.md @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ --- title: Finding discussions across multiple repositories intro: 'You can easily access every discussion you''ve created or participated in across multiple repositories.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### Finding discussions 1. Navigate to {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom_the_website %}. 1. In the top-right corner of {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom_the_website %}, click your profile photo, then click **Your enterprises**.  1. Toggle between **Created** and **Commented** to see the discussions you've created or participated in. ### Further reading - "[Searching discussions](/github/searching-for-information-on-github/searching-discussions)" - "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions)" - "[Managing discussions for your community](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community)" 32 content/discussions/guides/granting-higher-permissions-to-top-contributors.md @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ --- title: Granting higher permissions to top contributors intro: 'Repository administrators can promote any community member to a moderator and maintainer.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### Introduction The most helpful contributors for the past 30 days are highlighted on the {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} dashboard, based on how many comments were marked as answers by other community members. Helpful contributors can help drive a healthy community and moderate and guide the community space in addition to maintainers. ### Step 1: Audit your discussions top contributors {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} 1. Compare the list of contributors with their access permissions to see who qualifies to moderate the discussion. ### Step 2: Review permission levels for discussions People with triage permissions for a repository can help moderate a project's discussions by marking comments as answers, locking discussions that are not longer useful or are damaging to the community, and converting issues to discussions when an idea is still in the early stages of development. For more information, see "[Moderating discussions](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions)." For more information about repository permission levels and {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %}, see "[Repository permissions levels for an organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/repository-permission-levels-for-an-organization)." ### Step 3: Change permissions levels for top contributors You can change a contributor's permission levels to give them more access to the tooling they need to moderate GitHub Discussions. To change a person's or team's permission levels, see "[Managing teams and people with access to your repository](/github/administering-a-repository/managing-teams-and-people-with-access-to-your-repository)." ### Step 4: Notify community members of elevated access When you change a collaborators permission level, they will receive a notification for the change. 29 content/discussions/guides/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ --- title: Discussions guides shortTitle: Guides intro: 'Discover pathways to get started or learn best practices for participating or monitoring your community''s discussions.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### Getting started with discussions {% link_in_list /about-discussions %} {% link_in_list /best-practices-for-community-conversations-on-github %} {% link_in_list /finding-discussions-across-multiple-repositories %} <!-- {% link_in_list /managing-notifications-for-discussions %} --> ### Administering discussions {% link_in_list /granting-higher-permissions-to-top-contributors %} <!--<!-- Commenting out what is only nice to have for discussions release {% link_in_list /updating-your-contributing-guidelines-with-discussions %} --> <!-- ### Discussions and open source projects {% link_in_list /collaborating-on-open-source-projects-in-discussions %} {% link_in_list /welcoming-contributions-to-your-communitys-discussions %} --> 55 content/discussions/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,55 @@ --- title: GitHub Discussions Documentation beta_product: true shortTitle: GitHub Discussions intro: '{% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} is a collaborative communication forum for the community around an open source project. Community members can ask and answer questions, share updates, have open-ended conversations, and follow along on decisions affecting the community''s way of working.' introLinks: quickstart: /discussions/quickstart featuredLinks: guides: - /discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions - /discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/participating-in-a-discussion - /discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions gettingStarted: - /discussions/quickstart guideCards: - /discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions - /discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/participating-in-a-discussion - /discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions popular: - /discussions/guides/granting-higher-permissions-to-top-contributors - /discussions/guides/best-practices-for-community-conversations-on-github - /discussions/guides/finding-discussions-across-multiple-repositories - /discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/collaborating-with-maintainers-using-discussions - /discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository product_video: https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/DbTWBP3_RbM layout: product-landing versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- <!-- {% link_with_intro /quickstart %} --> <!-- {% link_with_intro /discussions-guides %} --> <!-- {% link_with_intro /collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions %} --> <!-- {% link_with_intro /managing-discussions-for-your-community %} --> <!-- Community examples --> {% assign discussionsCommunityExamples = site.data.variables.discussions_community_examples %} {% if discussionsCommunityExamples %} <div class="my-6 pt-6"> <h2 class="mb-2 font-mktg h1">Communities using discussions</h2> <div class="d-flex flex-wrap gutter"> {% render 'discussions-community-card' for discussionsCommunityExamples as example %} </div> {% if discussionsCommunityExamples.length > 6 %} <button class="js-filter-card-show-more btn btn-outline float-right">Show more {% octicon "arrow-right" %}</button> {% endif %} <div class="js-filter-card-no-results d-none py-4 text-center text-gray font-mktg"> <div class="mb-3">{% octicon "search" width="24" %}</div> <h3 class="text-normal">Sorry, there is no result for <strong class="js-filter-card-value"></strong></h3> <p class="my-3 f4">It looks like we don't have an example that fits your filter.<br>Try another filter or add your code example</p> <a href="https://github.com/github/docs/blob/main/data/variables/discussions_community_examples.yml">Add your community {% octicon "arrow-right" %}</a> </div> </div> {% endif %} 13 content/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ --- title: Managing discussions for your community shortTitle: Managing discussions intro: 'You can enable and configure discussions for your repository, and you can use tools on {% data variables.product.product_name %} to moderate conversations among community members.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} {% link_in_list /managing-discussions-in-your-repository %} {% link_in_list /managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository %} {% link_in_list /moderating-discussions %} 64 ...ns-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository.md @@ -0,0 +1,64 @@ --- title: Managing categories for discussions in your repository intro: You can categorize the discussions in your repository to organize conversations for your community members, and you can choose a format for each category. permissions: Repository administrators and people with write or greater access to a repository can enable discussions in the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About categories for discussions {% data reusables.discussions.about-discussions %} {% data reusables.discussions.about-categories-and-formats %} Each category must have a unique name and emoji pairing, and can be accompanied by a detailed description stating its purpose. Categories help maintainers organize how conversations are filed and are customizable to help distinguish categories that are Q&A or more open-ended conversations.{% data reusables.discussions.repository-category-limit %} For more information, see "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions#about-categories-and-formats-for-discussions)." ### Default categories | Category | Purpose | Type | | :- | :- | :- | | #️⃣ General | Anything and everything relevant to the project | Open-ended discussion | |💡Ideas | Ideas to change or improve the project | Open-ended discussion | | 🙏 Q&A | Questions for the community to answer, with a question/answer format | Question and Answer | | 🙌 Show and tell | Creations, experiments, or tests relevant to the project | Open-ended discussion | ### Creating a category {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.edit-categories %} 1. Click **New category**.  1. Edit the emoji, title, description, and discussion format for the category. For more information about discussion formats, see "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions#about-categories-and-formats-for-discussions)."  1. Click **Create**.  ### Editing a category You can edit a category to change the category's emoji, title, description, and discussion format. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} 1. To the right of a category in the list, click {% octicon "pencil" aria-label="The pencil icon" %}.  1. {% data reusables.discussions.edit-category-details %}  1. Click **Save changes**.  ### Deleting a category When you delete a category, {% data variables.product.product_name %} will move all discussions in the deleted category to an existing category that you choose. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} 1. To the right of a category in the list, click {% octicon "trash" aria-label="The trash icon" %}.  1. Use the drop-down menu, and choose a new category for any discussions in the category you're deleting.  1. Click **Delete & Move**.  108 ...aging-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository.md @@ -0,0 +1,108 @@ --- title: Managing discussions in your repository intro: You can categorize, spotlight, transfer, or delete the discussions in a repository. permissions: Repository administrators and people with write or greater access to a repository can manage discussions in the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About management of discussions {% data reusables.discussions.about-discussions %} For more information about discussions, see "[About discussions](/discussions/collaborating-with-your-community-using-discussions/about-discussions)." Organization owners can choose the permissions required to create a discussion for repositories owned by the organization. For more information, see "[Managing discussion creation for repositories in your organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/managing-discussion-creation-for-repositories-in-your-organization)." As a discussions maintainer, you can create community resources to encourage discussions that are aligned with the overall project goal and maintain a friendly open forum for collaborators. Creating a code of conduct or contribution guidelines for collaborators to follow will help facilitate a collaborative and productive forum. For more information on creating community resources, see "[Adding a code of conduct to your project](/github/building-a-strong-community/adding-a-code-of-conduct-to-your-project)," and "[Setting guidelines for repository contributors](/github/building-a-strong-community/setting-guidelines-for-repository-contributors)." For more information on facilitating a healthy discussion, see "[Moderating comments and conversations](/github/building-a-strong-community/moderating-comments-and-conversations)." ### Prerequisites To manage discussions in a repository, discussions must be enabled for the repository. For more information, see "[Enabling or disabling discussions for a repository](/github/administering-a-repository/enabling-or-disabling-github-discussions-for-a-repository)." ### Changing the category for a discussion You can categorize discussions to help community members find related discussions. For more information, see "[Managing categories for discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository)" article. You can also move a discussion to a different category. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "pencil" aria-label="The pencil icon" %} **Edit pinned discussion**.  ### Pinning a discussion You can pin up to four important discussions above the list of discussions for the repository. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "pin" aria-label="The pin icon" %} **Pin discussion**.  1. Optionally, customize the look of the pinned discussion.  1. Click **Pin discussion**.  ### Editing a pinned discussion Editing a pinned discussion will not change the discussion's category. For more information, see "[Managing categories for discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository)." {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "pencil" aria-label="The pencil icon" %} **Edit pinned discussion**.  1. Customize the look of the pinned discussion.  1. Click **Pin discussion**.  ### Unpinning a discussion {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "pin" aria-label="The pin icon" %} **Unpin discussion**.  1. Read the warning, then click **Unpin discussion**.  ### Transferring a discussion To transfer a discussion, you must have permissions to create discussions in the repository where you want to transfer the discussion. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "arrow-right" aria-label="The right arrow icon" %} **Transfer discussion**.  1. Select the **Choose a repository** drop-down, and click the repository you want to transfer the discussion to.  1. Click **Transfer discussion**.  ### Deleting a discussion {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} {% data reusables.discussions.click-discussion-in-list %} 1. In the right sidebar, click {% octicon "trash" aria-label="The trash arrow icon" %} **Delete discussion**.  1. Read the warning, then click **Delete this discussion**.  ### Converting issues based on labels You can convert all issues with the same label to discussions in bulk. Future issues with this label will also automatically convert to the discussion and category you configure. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.repositories.sidebar-issues %} {% data reusables.project-management.labels %} 1. Next to the label you want to convert to issues, click **Convert issues**. 1. Select the **Choose a category** drop-down menu, and click a category for your discussion. 1. Click **I understand, convert this issue to a discussion**. 40 ...t/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions.md @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ --- title: Moderating discussions intro: 'You can promote healthy collaboration by marking comments as answers, locking or unlocking discussions, and converting issues to discussions. and editing or deleting comments, discussions, and categories that don''t align with your community''s code of conduct to discussions.' permissions: People with triage access to a repository can moderate discussions in the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### About moderating discussions {% data reusables.discussions.about-discussions %} If you have triage permissions for a repository, you can help moderate a project's discussions by marking comments as answers, locking discussions that are not longer useful or are damaging to the community, and converting issues to discussions when an idea is still in the early stages of development. ### Marking a comment as an answer {% data reusables.discussions.marking-a-comment-as-an-answer %} ### Locking discussions It's appropriate to lock a conversation when the entire conversation is not constructive or violates your community's code of conduct or {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}'s [Community Guidelines](/github/site-policy/github-community-guidelines). You can also lock a conversation to prevent comments on a discussion you want to use as an announcement to the community. When you lock a conversation, people with write access to the repository will still be able to comment on the discussion. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.discussions.discussions-tab %} 1. In the list of discussions, click the discussion you want to lock.  1. In the right margin of a discussion, click **Lock conversation**. 1. Read the information about locking conversations and click **Lock conversation on this discussion**. 1. When you're ready to unlock the conversation, click **Unlock conversation**, then click **Unlock conversation on this discussion**. ### Converting an issue to a discussion When you convert an issue to a discussion, the discussion is automatically created using the content from the issue. People with write access to a repository can bulk convert issues based on labels. For more information, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository)." {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} {% data reusables.repositories.sidebar-issues %} 1. In the list of issues, click the issue you'd like to convert. 1. In the right margin of an issue, click **Convert to discussion**. 1. Select the **Choose a category** drop-down menu, and click a category for your discussion. 1. Click **I understand, convert this issue to a discussion**. 62 content/discussions/quickstart.md @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ --- title: Quickstart for GitHub Discussions intro: 'Enable {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} on an existing repository and start conversations with your community.' allowTitleToDifferFromFilename: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- {% data reusables.discussions.beta %} ### Introduction {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} is a collaborative communication forum for the community around an open source project. Discussions are for conversations that need to be transparent and accessible but do not need to be tracked on a project board and are not related to code, unlike issues. Discussions enable fluid, open conversation in a public forum. Discussions give a space for more collaborative conversations by connecting and giving a more centralized area to connect and find information. ### Enabling {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} on your repository Repository owners and people with write access can enable {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} for a community on their public repositories. When you first enable a {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %}, you will be invited to configure a welcome post. {% data reusables.repositories.navigate-to-repo %} 1. Under your repository name, click {% octicon "gear" aria-label="The gear icon" %} **Settings**.  1. Under "Features", click **Set up discussions**.  1. Under "Start a new discussion," edit the template to align with the resources and tone you want to set for your community. 1. Click **Start discussion**.  ### Welcoming contributions to your discussions You can welcome your community and introduce a new way to communicate in a repository by creating a welcome post and pin the post to your {% data variables.product.prodname_discussions %} page. Pinning and locking discussions helps people know that a post is meant as an announcement. You can use announcements as a way to link people to more resources and offer guidance for opening discussions in your community. For more information about pinning a discussion, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository#pinning-a-discussion)." ### Setting up community guidelines for contributors You can set contributing guidelines to encourage collaborators to have meaningful, useful conversations that are relevant to the repository. You can also update the repository's README to communicate expectations on when collaborators should open an issue or discussion. For more information about providing guidelines for your project, see "[Adding a code of conduct to your project](/github/building-a-strong-community/adding-a-code-of-conduct-to-your-project)" and "[Setting up your project for healthy contributions](/github/building-a-strong-community/setting-up-your-project-for-healthy-contributions)." ### Creating a new discussion Anyone with access to a repository can create a discussion. {% data reusables.discussions.starting-a-discussion %} ### Organizing discussions into relevant categories Repository owners and people with write access can create new categories to keep discussions organized. Collaborators participating and creating new discussions can group discussions into the most relevant existing categories. Discussions can also be recategorized after they are created. For more information, see "[Managing categories for discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-categories-for-discussions-in-your-repository)" ### Promoting healthy conversations People with write permissions for a repository can help surface important conversations by pinning discussions, deleting discussions that are no longer useful or are damaging to the community, and transferring discussions to more relevant repositories owned by the organization. For more information, see "[Managing discussions in your repository](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/managing-discussions-in-your-repository)." People with triage permissions for a repository can help moderate a project's discussions by marking comments as answers, locking discussions that are not longer useful or are damaging to the community, and converting issues to discussions when an idea is still in the early stages of development. For more information, see "[Moderating discussions](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions)." ### Next steps Once there is a clear path to scope work out and move an idea from concept to reality, you can create an issue and start tracking your progress. For more information on creating an issue from a discussion, see "[Moderating discussions](/discussions/managing-discussions-for-your-community/moderating-discussions)." 45 content/education/guides.md @@ -0,0 +1,45 @@ --- title: Guides for GitHub Education intro: 'These guides for {% data variables.product.prodname_education %} help you teach and learn both {% data variables.product.product_name %} and software development.' allowTitleToDifferFromFilename: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### Get started with {% data variables.product.product_name %} Teachers, students, and researchers can use tools from {% data variables.product.product_name %} to enrich a software development curriculum and develop real-world collaboration skills. - [Sign up for a new {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} account](/github/getting-started-with-github/signing-up-for-a-new-github-account) - [Git and {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} quickstart ](/github/getting-started-with-github/quickstart) - [Apply for an educator or researcher discount](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/apply-for-an-educator-or-researcher-discount) - [Apply for a student developer pack](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/apply-for-a-student-developer-pack) ### Run a software development course with {% data variables.product.company_short %} Administer a classroom, assign and review work from your students, and teach the new generation of software developers with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. - [Basics of setting up {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} ](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom) - [Manage classrooms](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms) - [Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment) - [Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment) - [Create an assignment from a template repository](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-assignment-from-a-template-repository) - [Leave feedback with pull requests](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/leave-feedback-with-pull-requests) - [Use autograding](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/use-autograding) ### Learn to develop software Incorporate {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} into your education, and use the same tools as the professionals. - [Git and {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} learning resources](/github/getting-started-with-github/git-and-github-learning-resources) - [Use {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} for your schoolwork](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-for-your-schoolwork) - [Try {% data variables.product.prodname_desktop %}](/desktop) - [Try {% data variables.product.prodname_cli %}](/github/getting-started-with-github/github-cli) ### Contribute to the community Participate in the community, get training from {% data variables.product.company_short %}, and learn or teach new skills. - [{% data variables.product.prodname_education_community %}](https://education.github.community) - [About Campus Experts](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/about-campus-experts) - [About Campus Advisors](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/about-campus-advisors) 43 content/education/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,43 @@ --- title: GitHub Education Documentation shortTitle: Education intro: "{% data variables.product.prodname_education %} helps you teach or learn software development with the tools and support of {% data variables.product.company_short %}'s platform and community." introLinks: quickstart: /education/quickstart featuredLinks: guides: - /education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/apply-for-a-student-developer-pack - /education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/apply-for-an-educator-or-researcher-discount - /education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-at-your-educational-institution guideCards: - /github/getting-started-with-github/signing-up-for-a-new-github-account - /github/getting-started-with-github/git-and-github-learning-resources - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom popular: - /education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-for-your-schoolwork - /education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-in-your-classroom-and-research - /desktop - /github/getting-started-with-github/github-cli - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/teach-with-github-classroom changelog: - title: 'Try something new at Local Hack Day: Learn' date: '2020-10-15' href: https://github.blog/2020-10-15-try-something-new-at-local-hack-day-learn/ - title: 'Remote Education: Creating community through shared experiences' date: '2020-09-24' href: https://github.blog/2020-09-24-remote-education-creating-community-through-shared-experiences/ - title: 'Remote Education: A series of best practices for online campus communities' date: '2020-09-10' href: https://github.blog/2020-09-10-remote-education-a-series-of-best-practices-for-online-campus-communities/ - title: Welcome to the inaugural class of MLH Fellows date: '2020-06-24' href: https://github.blog/2020-06-24-welcome-to-the-inaugural-class-of-mlh-fellows/ layout: product-landing versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- <!-- {% link_with_intro /teach-and-learn-with-github-education %} --> <!-- {% link_with_intro /manage-coursework-with-github-classroom %} --> 31 ...work-with-github-classroom/about-using-makecode-arcade-with-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ --- title: About using MakeCode Arcade with GitHub Classroom shortTitle: About using MakeCode Arcade intro: You can configure MakeCode Arcade as the online IDE for assignments in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/student-experience-makecode --- ### About MakeCode Arcade MakeCode Arcade is an online integrated development environment (IDE) for developing retro arcade games using drag-and-drop block programming and JavaScript. Students can write, edit, run, test, and debug code in a browser with MakeCode Arcade. For more information about online IDEs and {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an online IDE](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-online-ide)." {% data reusables.classroom.readme-contains-button-for-online-ide %} The first time the student clicks the button to visit MakeCode Arcade, the student must sign into MakeCode Arcade with {% data variables.product.product_name %} credentials. After signing in, the student will have access to a development environment containing the code from the assignment repository, fully configured on MakeCode Arcade. For more information about working on MakeCode Arcade, see the [MakeCode Arcade Tour](https://arcade.makecode.com/ide-tour) and [documentation](https://arcade.makecode.com/docs) on the MakeCode Arcade website. MakeCode Arcade does not support multiplayer-editing for group assignments. Instead, students can collaborate with Git and {% data variables.product.product_name %} features like branches and pull requests. ### About submission of assignments with MakeCode Arcade By default, MakeCode Arcade is configured to push to the assignment repository on {% data variables.product.product_location %}. After making progress on an assignment with MakeCode Arcade, students should push changes to {% data variables.product.product_location %} using the {% octicon "mark-github" aria-label="The GitHub mark" %}{% octicon "arrow-up" aria-label="The up arrow icon" %} button at the bottom of the screen.  ### Further reading - "[About READMEs](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/about-readmes)" 33 ...ge-coursework-with-github-classroom/about-using-replit-with-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ --- title: About using Repl.it with GitHub Classroom shortTitle: About using Repl.it intro: You can configure Repl.it as the online integrated development environment (IDE) for assignments in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/student-experience-replit --- ### About Repl.it Repl.it is an online integrated development environment (IDE) that supports multiple programming languages. Students can write, edit, run, test, and debug code in a browser with Repl.it. For more information about online IDEs and {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an online IDE](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-online-ide)." {% data reusables.classroom.readme-contains-button-for-online-ide %} The first time the student clicks the button to visit Repl.it, the student must sign into Repl.it with {% data variables.product.product_name %} credentials. After signing in, the student will have access to a development environment containing the code from the assignment repository, fully configured on Repl.it. For more information about working on Repl.it, see the [Repl.it Quickstart Guide](https://docs.repl.it/misc/quick-start#the-repl-environment). For group assignments, students can use Repl.it Multiplayer to work collaboratively. For more information, see the [Repl.it Multiplayer](https://repl.it/site/multiplayer) website. ### About submission of assignments with Repl.it By default, Repl.it is configured to push to the assignment repository on {% data variables.product.product_location %}. After making progress on an assignment with Repl.it, students should push changes to {% data variables.product.product_location %} using the version control functionality in the left sidebar.  For more information about using Git on Repl.it, see the [Repl.it + Git Tutorial](https://repl.it/talk/learn/Replit-Git-Tutorial/23331) on the Repl.it website. ### Further reading - "[About READMEs](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/about-readmes)" 33 ...anage-coursework-with-github-classroom/basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ --- title: Basics of setting up GitHub Classroom shortTitle: '{% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} basics' intro: Learn how to set up your classroom, manage assignments, and configure time-saving automation. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### Videos about {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} You can watch a series of short video tutorials about the configuration and use of {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. To watch all videos as part of a continuous playlist, see the [{% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} Getting Started Guide](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIRjfNq867bewk3ZGV6Z7a16YDNRCpK3u) on YouTube. For more information about terminology for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Glossary](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/glossary)". 1. <a href="https://youtu.be/xVVeqIDgCvM" target="_blank">Getting started</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 2. <a href="https://youtu.be/DTzrKduaHj8" target="_blank">Adding your student roster</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 3. Creating assignments - <a href="https://youtu.be/6QzKZ63KLss" target="_blank">Creating an assignment using a {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} repository</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} - <a href="https://youtu.be/Qmwh6ijsQJU" target="_blank">Creating an assignment using Microsoft MakeCode as your online IDE</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} - <a href="https://youtu.be/p_g5sQ7hUis" target="_blank">Creating an assignment using Repl.it as your online IDE</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 4. <a href="https://youtu.be/ObaFRGp_Eko" target="_blank">How students complete assignments</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 5. <a href="https://youtu.be/g45OJn3UyCU" target="_blank">How teachers review assignments</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 6. <a href="https://youtu.be/QxrA3taZdNM" target="_blank">Creating group assignments</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 7. <a href="https://youtu.be/tJK2cmoh1KM" target="_blank">Next steps to get started</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} 8. <a href="https://youtu.be/X87v3SFQxLU" target="_blank">{% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} Teacher Toolbox</a> {% octicon "link-external" aria-label="The external link icon" %} ### Next steps For more information about teaching with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Teach with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/teach-with-github-classroom)." ### Further reading - "[Teach and learn with {% data variables.product.prodname_education %}](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education)" 51 ...with-github-classroom/configure-default-settings-for-assignment-repositories.md @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ --- title: Configure default settings for assignment repositories shortTitle: Configure defaults for assignment repositories intro: You can use the Probot Settings app to configure the default settings for repositories that {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} creates for an assignment. permissions: Organization owners can configure default settings for assignment repositories by installing a {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %} for the organization. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/probot-settings --- ### About configuration of defaults for assignment repositories {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} creates a repository that belongs for each student or team that accepts an assignment. The repository belongs to the organization that you use for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Assignment repositories can be empty, or you can use a template repository. For more information, see "[Create an assignment from a template repository](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-assignment-from-a-template-repository)." {% data reusables.classroom.you-may-want-to-predefine-repository-settings %} With the Probot Settings app, you can create a file named _.github/settings.yml_ in a repository that contains a list of settings for the repository, and then install a {% data variables.product.prodname_github_app %} for your organization that automatically applies the settings to the repository. You can include _.github/settings.yml_ in a template repository that you use for an assignment in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. When an individual or team accepts the assignment, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} creates the assignment repository, and the Settings app automatically applies the settings from _.github/settings.yml_. Probot is a a project, framework, and collection of free apps to automate {% data variables.product.product_name %}. A Probot app can listen to repository events, like the creation of new commits, comments, and issues, and automatically respond to the event. For more information, see the [Probot website](https://probot.github.io) and the [Settings app website](https://probot.github.io/apps/settings/). For more information about {% data variables.product.prodname_github_apps %}, see "[About apps](/developers/apps/about-apps)." ### Adding the Settings app to your organization After you install the Probot Settings app for your organization, the app will apply the settings that you define in _.github/settings.yml_ for any repository in your organization, including new assignment repositories that {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} creates. 1. Navigate to the [Settings app page](https://github.com/apps/settings). 1. Click **Install**, then click the organization that you use for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Provide the app full access to all repositories owned by the organization.  ### Configuring default settings for an assignment repository 1. Create a template repository that contains a _.github/settings.yml_ file. For a complete list of settings, see the [README](https://github.com/probot/settings#github-settings) for the `probot/settings` repository. For more information about using a template repository for starter code in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Create an assignment from a template repository](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-assignment-from-a-template-repository)." {% warning %} **Warning:** Do not define `collaborators` in the _.github/settings.yml_ file for your template repository. {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} automatically grants teachers and teaching assistants access to assignment repositories. {% endwarning %} 1. Create an assignment using the template repository containing _.github/settings.yml_ as the starter code. {% data reusables.classroom.for-more-information-about-assignment-creation %} The Probot Settings app for your organization will now apply the settings you define in _.github/settings.yml_ within the template repository to every assignment repository that {% data reusables.classroom.you-may-want-to-predefine-repository-settings %} creates for a student or team. ### Further reading - [Probot apps](https://probot.github.io/apps/) - [Probot documentation](https://probot.github.io/docs/) 142 ...th-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,142 @@ --- title: Connect a learning management system to GitHub Classroom intro: You can configure an LTI-compliant learning management system (LMS) to connect to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} so that you can import a roster for your classroom. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/configuring-a-learning-management-system-for-github-classroom - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-to-lms - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/generate-lms-credentials - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/setup-canvas - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/setup-generic-lms - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/setup-moodle --- ### About configuration of your LMS You can connect a learning management system (LMS) to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, and {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} can import a roster of student identifiers from the LMS. To connect your LMS to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, you must enter configuration credentials for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} in your LMS. ### Prerequisites To configure an LMS to connect to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, you must first create a classroom. For more information, see "[Manage classrooms](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms#creating-a-classroom)." ### Supported LMSes {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} supports import of roster data from LMSes that implement Learning Tools Interoperability (LTI) standards. - LTI version 1.0 and/or 1.1 - LTI Names and Roles Provisioning 1.X Using LTI helps keep your information safe and secure. LTI is an industry-standard protocol and GitHub Classroom's use of LTI is certified by the Instructional Management System (IMS) Global Learning Consortium. For more information, see [Learning Tools Interoperability](https://www.imsglobal.org/activity/learning-tools-interoperability) and [About IMS Global Learning Consortium](http://www.imsglobal.org/aboutims.html) on the IMS Global Learning Consortium website. {% data variables.product.company_short %} has tested import of roster data from the following LMSes into {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. - Canvas - Google Classroom - Moodle - Sakai Currently, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} doesn't support import of roster data from Blackboard or Brightspace ### Generating configuration credentials for your classroom {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-students %} 1. If your classroom already has a roster, you can either update the roster or delete the roster and create a new roster. - For more information about deleting and creating a roster, see "[Deleting a roster for a classroom](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms#deleting-a-roster-for-a-classroom)" and "[Creating a roster for your classroom](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms#creating-a-roster-for-your-classroom)." - For more information about updating a roster, see "[Adding students to the roster for your classroom](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms#adding-students-to-the-roster-for-your-classroom)." 1. In the list of LMSes, click your LMS. If your LMS is not supported, click **Other LMS**.  1. Read about connecting your LMS, then click **Connect to _LMS_**. 1. Copy the "Consumer Key", "Shared Secret", and "Launch URL" for the connection to the classroom.  ### Configuring a generic LMS You must configure the privacy settings for your LMS to allow external tools to receive roster information. 1. Navigate to your LMS. 1. Configure an external tool. 1. Provide the configuration credentials you generated in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. - Consumer key - Shared secret - Launch URL (sometimes called "tool URL" or similar) ### Configuring Canvas You can configure {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} as an external app for Canvas to import roster data into your classroom. For more information about Canvas, see the [Canvas website](https://www.instructure.com/canvas/). 1. Sign into [Canvas](https://www.instructure.com/canvas/#login). 1. Select the Canvas course to integrate with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. 1. In the left sidebar, click **Settings**. 1. Click the **Apps** tab. 1. Click **View app configurations**. 1. Click **+App**. 1. Select the **Configuration Type** drop-down menu, and click **By URL**. 1. Paste the configuration credentials from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. For more information, see "[Generating configuration credentials for your classroom](#generating-configuration-credentials-for-your-classroom)." | Field in Canvas app configuration | Value or setting | | :- | :- | | **Consumer Key** | Consumer key from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | | **Shared Secret** | Shared secret from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | | **Allow this tool to access the IMS Names and Role Provisioning Service** | Enabled | | **Configuration URL** | Launch URL from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | {% note %} **Note**: If you don't see a checkbox in Canvas labeled "Allow this tool to access the IMS Names and Role Provisioning Service", then your Canvas administrator must contact Canvas support to enable membership service configuration for your Canvas account. Without enabling this feature, you won't be able to sync the roster from Canvas. For more information, see [How do I contact Canvas Support?](https://community.canvaslms.com/t5/Canvas-Basics-Guide/How-do-I-contact-Canvas-Support/ta-p/389767) on the Canvas website. {% endnote %} 1. Click **Submit**. 1. In the left sidebar, click **Home**. 1. To prompt Canvas to send a confirmation email, in the left sidebar, click **GitHub Classroom**. Follow the instructions in the email to finish linking {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. ### Configuring Moodle You can configure {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} as an activity for Moodle to import roster data into your classroom. For more information about Moodle, see the [Moodle website](https://moodle.org). You must be using Moodle version 3.0 or greater. 1. Sign into [Moodle](https://moodle.org/login/index.php). 1. Select the Moodle course to integrate with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. 1. Click **Turn editing on**. 1. Wherever you'd like {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} to be available in Moodle, click **Add an activity or resource**. 1. Choose **External tool** and click **Add**. 1. In the "Activity name" field, type "GitHub Classroom". 1. In the **Preconfigured tool** field, to the right of the drop-down menu, click **+**. 1. Under "External tool configuration", paste the configuration credentials from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. For more information, see "[Generating configuration credentials for your classroom](#generating-configuration-credentials-for-your-classroom)." | Field in Moodle app configuration | Value or setting | | :- | :- | | **Tool name** | {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} - _YOUR CLASSROOM NAME_<br/><br/>**Note**: You can use any name, but we suggest this value for clarity. | | **Tool URL** | Launch URL from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | | **LTI version** | LTI 1.0/1.1 | | **Default launch container** | New window | | **Consumer key** | Consumer key from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | | **Shared secret** | Shared secret from {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} | 1. Scroll to and click **Services**. 1. To the right of "IMS LTI Names and Role Provisioning", select the drop-down menu and click **Use this service to retrieve members' information as per privacy settings**. 1. Scroll to and click **Privacy**. 1. To the right of **Share launcher's name with tool** and **Share launcher's email with tool**, select the drop-down menus to click **Always**. 1. At the bottom of the page, click **Save changes**. 1. In the **Preconfigure tool** menu, click **GitHub Classroom - _YOUR CLASSROOM NAME_**. 1. Under "Common module settings", to the right of "Availability", select the drop-down menu and click **Hide from students**. 1. At the bottom of the page, click **Save and return to course**. 1. Navigate to anywhere you chose to display {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, and click the {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} activity. ### Importing a roster from your LMS For more information about importing the roster from your LMS into {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, see "[Manage classrooms](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms#creating-a-roster-for-your-classroom)." ### Disconnecting your LMS {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-settings %} 1. Under "Connect to a learning management system (LMS)", click **Connection Settings**.  1. Under "Delete Connection to your learning management system", click **Disconnect from your learning management system**.  145 .../education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment.md @@ -0,0 +1,145 @@ --- title: Create a group assignment intro: 'You can create a collaborative assignment for teams of students who participate in your course.' versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-group-assignments --- ### About group assignments {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-group-definition %} Students can work together on a group assignment in a shared repository, like a team of professional developers. When a student accepts a group assignment, the student can create a new team or join an existing team. {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} saves the teams for an assignment as a set. You can name the set of teams for a specific assignment when you create the assignment, and you can reuse that set of teams for a later assignment. {% data reusables.classroom.classroom-creates-group-repositories %} {% data reusables.classroom.about-assignments %} You can decide how many teams one assignment can have, and how many members each team can have. Each team that a student creates for an assignment is a team within your organization on {% data variables.product.product_name %}. The visibility of the team is secret. Teams that you create on {% data variables.product.product_name %} will not appear in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. For more information, see "[About teams](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/about-teams)." For a video demonstration of the creation of a group assignment, see "[Basics of setting up {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom)." ### Prerequisites {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-classroom-prerequisite %} ### Creating an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-create-the-assignment %} ### Setting up the basics for an assignment Name your assignment, decide whether to assign a deadline, define teams, and choose the visibility of assignment repositories. - [Naming an assignment](#naming-an-assignment) - [Assigning a deadline for an assignment](#assigning-a-deadline-for-an-assignment) - [Choosing an assignment type](#choosing-an-assignment-type) - [Defining teams for an assignment](#defining-teams-for-an-assignment) - [Choosing a visibility for assignment repositories](#choosing-a-visibility-for-assignment-repositories) #### Naming an assignment For a group assignment, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} names repositories by the repository prefix and the name of the team. By default, the repository prefix is the assignment title. For example, if you name an assignment "assignment-1" and the team's name on {% data variables.product.product_name %} is "student-team", the name of the assignment repository for members of the team will be `assignment-1-student-team`. {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-type-a-title %} #### Assigning a deadline for an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-assign-a-deadline %} #### Choosing an assignment type Under "Individual or group assignment", select the drop-down menu, then click **Group assignment**. You can't change the assignment type after you create the assignment. If you'd rather create a individual assignment, see "[Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment)." #### Defining teams for an assignment If you've already created a group assignment for the classroom, you can reuse a set of teams for the new assignment. To create a new set with the teams that your students create for the assignment, type the name for the set. Optionally, type the maximum number of team members and total teams. {% tip %} **Tips**: - We recommend including details about the set of teams in the name for the set. For example, if you want to use the set of teams for one assignment, name the set after the assignment. If you want to reuse the set throughout a semester or course, name the set after the semester or course. - If you'd like to assign students to a specific team, give your students a name for the team and provide a list of members. {% endtip %}  #### Choosing a visibility for assignment repositories {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-visibility %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-continue-after-basics %} ### Adding starter code and configuring a development environment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-intro-for-environment %} - [Choosing a template repository](#choosing-a-template-repository) - [Choosing an online integrated development environment (IDE)](#choosing-an-online-integrated-development-environment-ide) #### Choosing a template repository By default, a new assignment will create an empty repository for each team that a student creates. {% data reusables.classroom.you-can-choose-a-template-repository %} For more information about template repositories, see "[Creating a template repository](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/creating-a-template-repository)." {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-template-repository %} #### Choosing an online integrated development environment (IDE) {% data reusables.classroom.about-online-ides %} For more information, see "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an IDE](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-ide)." {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-an-online-ide %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-continue-after-starter-code-and-feedback %} ### Providing feedback Optionally, you can automatically grade assignments and create a space for discussing each submission with the team. - [Testing assignments automatically](#testing-assignments-automatically) - [Preventing changes to important files](#preventing-changes-to-important-files) - [Creating a pull request for feedback](#creating-a-pull-request-for-feedback) #### Testing assignments automatically {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-using-autograding %} #### Preventing changes to important files {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-prevent-changes %} #### Creating a pull request for feedback {% data reusables.classroom.you-can-create-a-pull-request-for-feedback %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-create-review-pull-request %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-create-assignment-button %} ### Inviting students to an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-invite-students-to-assignment %} You can see the teams that are working on or have submitted an assignment in the **Teams** tab for the assignment. {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-to-prevent-submission %} <div class="procedural-image-wrapper"> <img alt="Group assignment" class="procedural-image-wrapper" src="/assets/images/help/classroom/assignment-group-hero.png"> </div> ### Next steps - After you create the assignment and your students form teams, team members can start work on the assignment using Git and {% data variables.product.product_name %}'s features. Students can clone the repository, push commits, manage branches, create and review pull requests, address merge conflicts, and discuss changes with issues. Both you and the team can review the commit history for the repository. For more information, see "[Getting started with {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/getting-started-with-github)," "[Creating, cloning, and archiving repositories](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories)," "[Using Git](/github/using-git)," and "[Collaborating with issues and pull requests](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests)," and the free course on [managing merge conflicts](https://lab.github.com/githubtraining/managing-merge-conflicts) from {% data variables.product.prodname_learning %}. - When a team finishes an assignment, you can review the files in the repository, or you can review the history and visualizations for the repository to better understand how the team collaborated. For more information, see "[Visualizing repository data with graphs](/github/visualizing-repository-data-with-graphs)." - You can provide feedback for an assignment by commenting on individual commits or lines in a pull request. For more information, see "[Commenting on a pull request](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests/commenting-on-a-pull-request)" and "[Opening an issue from code](/github/managing-your-work-on-github/opening-an-issue-from-code)." For more information about creating saved replies to provide feedback for common errors, see "[About saved replies](/github/writing-on-github/about-saved-replies)." ### Further reading - "[Use {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} in your classroom and research](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-in-your-classroom-and-research)" - "[Connect a learning management system to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom)" - [Using Existing Teams in Group Assignments?](https://education.github.community/t/using-existing-teams-in-group-assignments/6999) in the {% data variables.product.prodname_education %} Community 19 ...sework-with-github-classroom/create-an-assignment-from-a-template-repository.md @@ -0,0 +1,19 @@ --- title: Create an assignment from a template repository intro: You can create an assignment from a template repository to provide starter code, documentation, and other resources to your students. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/using-template-repos-for-assignments --- You can use a template repository on {% data variables.product.product_name %} as starter code for an assignment on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Your template repository can contain boilerplate code, documentation, and other resources for your students. For more information, see "[Creating a template repository](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/creating-a-template-repository)." To use the template repository for your assignment, the template repository must be owned by your organization, or the visibility of the template repository must be public. {% data reusables.classroom.you-may-want-to-predefine-repository-settings %} For more information, see "[Configure default settings for assignment repositories](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/configure-default-settings-for-assignment-repositories)." ### Further reading - "[Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment)" - "[Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment)" 124 ...tion/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment.md @@ -0,0 +1,124 @@ --- title: Create an individual assignment intro: You can create an assignment for students in your course to complete individually. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/creating-an-individual-assignment - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment --- ### About individual assignments {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-individual-definition %} {% data reusables.classroom.classroom-creates-individual-repositories %} {% data reusables.classroom.about-assignments %} For a video demonstration of the creation of an individual assignment, see "[Basics of setting up {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom)." ### Prerequisites {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-classroom-prerequisite %} ### Creating an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-create-the-assignment %} ### Setting up the basics for an assignment Name your assignment, decide whether to assign a deadline, and choose the visibility of assignment repositories. - [Naming an assignment](#naming-an-assignment) - [Assigning a deadline for an assignment](#assigning-a-deadline-for-an-assignment) - [Choosing an assignment type](#choosing-an-assignment-type) - [Choosing a visibility for assignment repositories](#choosing-a-visibility-for-assignment-repositories) #### Naming an assignment For an individual assignment, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} names repositories by the repository prefix and the student's {% data variables.product.product_name %} username. By default, the repository prefix is the assignment title. For example, if you name an assignment "assignment-1" and the student's username on {% data variables.product.product_name %} is @octocat, the name of the assignment repository for @octocat will be `assignment-1-octocat`. {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-type-a-title %} #### Assigning a deadline for an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-assign-a-deadline %} #### Choosing an assignment type Under "Individual or group assignment", select the drop-down menu, and click **Individual assignment**. You can't change the assignment type after you create the assignment. If you'd rather create a group assignment, see "[Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment)." #### Choosing a visibility for assignment repositories {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-visibility %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-continue-after-basics %} ### Adding starter code and configuring a development environment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-intro-for-environment %} - [Choosing a template repository](#choosing-a-template-repository) - [Choosing an online integrated development environment (IDE)](#choosing-an-online-integrated-development-environment-ide) #### Choosing a template repository By default, a new assignment will create an empty repository for each student on the roster for the classroom. {% data reusables.classroom.you-can-choose-a-template-repository %} For more information about template repositories, see "[Creating a template repository](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/creating-a-template-repository)." {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-template-repository %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-continue-after-starter-code-and-feedback %} #### Choosing an online integrated development environment (IDE) {% data reusables.classroom.about-online-ides %} For more information, see "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an IDE](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-ide)." {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-choose-an-online-ide %} ### Providing feedback for an assignment Optionally, you can automatically grade assignments and create a space for discussing each submission with the student. - [Testing assignments automatically](#testing-assignments-automatically) - [Preventing changes to important files](#preventing-changes-to-important-files) - [Creating a pull request for feedback](#creating-a-pull-request-for-feedback) #### Testing assignments automatically {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-using-autograding %} #### Preventing changes to important files {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-prevent-changes %} #### Creating a pull request for feedback {% data reusables.classroom.you-can-create-a-pull-request-for-feedback %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-create-review-pull-request %} {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-click-create-assignment-button %} ### Inviting students to an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-guide-invite-students-to-assignment %} You can see whether a student has joined the classroom and accepted or submitted an assignment in the **All students** tab for the assignment. {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-to-prevent-submission %} <div class="procedural-image-wrapper"> <img alt="Individual assignment" class="procedural-image-wrapper" src="/assets/images/help/classroom/assignment-individual-hero.png"> </div> ### Next steps - Once you create the assignment, students can start work on the assignment using Git and {% data variables.product.product_name %}'s features. Students can clone the repository, push commits, manage branches, create and review pull requests, address merge conflicts, and discuss changes with issues. Both you and student can review the commit history for the repository. For more information, see "[Getting started with {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}](/github/getting-started-with-github)," "[Creating, cloning, and archiving repositories](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories)," "[Using Git](/github/using-git)," and "[Collaborating with issues and pull requests](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests)." - When a student finishes an assignment, you can review the files in the repository, or you can review the history and visualizations for the repository to better understand the student's work. For more information, see "[Visualizing repository data with graphs](/github/visualizing-repository-data-with-graphs)." - You can provide feedback for an assignment by commenting on individual commits or lines in a pull request. For more information, see "[Commenting on a pull request](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests/commenting-on-a-pull-request)" and "[Opening an issue from code](/github/managing-your-work-on-github/opening-an-issue-from-code)." For more information about creating saved replies to provide feedback for common errors, see "[About saved replies](/github/writing-on-github/about-saved-replies)." ### Further reading - "[Use {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} in your classroom and research](/education/teach-and-learn-with-github-education/use-github-in-your-classroom-and-research)" - "[Connect a learning management system to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom)" 9 ...on/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/get-started-with-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ --- title: Get started with GitHub Classroom shortTitle: Get started intro: Learn how to configure and use {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} to administer your course. mapTopic: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- 52 content/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/glossary.md @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ --- title: Glossary intro: You can review explanations of terminology for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### assignment An assignment is coursework in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. A teacher can assign an assignment to an individual student or a group of students. Teachers can import starter code for the assignment, assign students, and create a deadline for each assignment. For more information, see the definitions for "[individual assignment](#individual-assignment)" and "[group assignment](#group-assignment)." --- ### classroom A classroom is the basic unit of {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Teachers can use a classroom to organize and manage students, teaching assistants, and assignments for a single course. A classroom belongs to an organization on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom_the_website %}. To administer a classroom, you must be an organization owner for the organization on {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}. For more information, see "[Manage classrooms](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms)." --- ### {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} is a web application for educators that provides course administration tools integrated with {% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %}. For more information, see the [{% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](https://classroom.github.com/) website. --- ### group assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-group-definition %} For more information, see "[Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment)." --- ### identifier An identifier in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} is a unique ID for a student participating in a course. For example, an identifier can be a student name, alphanumeric ID, or email address. --- ### individual assignment {% data reusables.classroom.assignments-individual-definition %} For more information, see "[Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment)." --- ### roster A roster allows a teacher to manage students and assignment submissions in a classroom on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Teachers can create a roster by entering a list of student identifiers, or by connecting {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} to a learning management system (LMS). For more information about identifiers, see the definition of "[identifier](#identifier)." For more information about connecting {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} to an LMS, see "[Connect a learning management system to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom)." --- ### Further reading - "[{% data variables.product.prodname_dotcom %} glossary](/github/getting-started-with-github/github-glossary)" 32 content/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/index.md @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ --- title: Manage coursework with GitHub Classroom shortTitle: '{% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}' intro: With {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}, you can use {% data variables.product.product_name %} to administer or participate in a course about software development. versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- ### Table of Contents {% topic_link_in_list /get-started-with-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /basics-of-setting-up-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /glossary %} {% topic_link_in_list /teach-with-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /manage-classrooms %} {% link_in_list /create-an-individual-assignment %} {% link_in_list /create-a-group-assignment %} {% link_in_list /create-an-assignment-from-a-template-repository %} {% link_in_list /leave-feedback-with-pull-requests %} {% link_in_list /use-autograding %} {% link_in_list /configure-default-settings-for-assignment-repositories %} {% link_in_list /connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom %} {% topic_link_in_list /integrate-github-classroom-with-an-ide %} {% link_in_list /integrate-github-classroom-with-an-online-ide %} {% link_in_list /about-using-makecode-arcade-with-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /about-using-replit-with-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /run-student-code-in-an-online-ide %} {% topic_link_in_list /learn-with-github-classroom %} {% link_in_list /view-autograding-results %} 8 ...nage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-ide.md @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ --- title: Integrate GitHub Classroom with an IDE shortTitle: Integrate with an IDE intro: You can help your students write, test, and debug code by preconfiguring a development environment for assignment repositories on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. mapTopic: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- 42 ...ursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-online-ide.md @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ --- title: Integrate GitHub Classroom with an online IDE shortTitle: Integrate with an online IDE intro: You can preconfigure a supported online integrated development environment (IDE) for assignments you create in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/online-ide-integrations --- ### About integration with an online IDE {% data reusables.classroom.about-online-ides %} After a student accepts an assignment with an online IDE, the README file in the student's assignment repository will contain a button to open the assignment in the IDE. The student can begin working immediately, and no additional configuration is necessary.  ### Supported online IDEs {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} supports the following online IDEs. You can learn more about the student experience for each IDE. | IDE | More information | | :- | :- | | Microsoft MakeCode Arcade | "[About using MakeCode Arcade with {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/about-using-makecode-arcade-with-github-classroom)" | | Repl.it | "[About using Repl.it with GitHub Classroom](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/about-using-replit-with-github-classroom)" | ### Configuring an online IDE for an assignment You can choose the online IDE you'd like to use for an assignment when you create an assignment. To learn how to create a new assignment that uses an online IDE, see "[Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment)" or "[Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment)." ### Authorizing the OAuth app for an online IDE The first time you configure an assignment with an online IDE, you must authorize the OAuth app for the online IDE for your organization.  For all repositories, grant the app **read** access to metadata, administration, and code, and **write** access to administration and code. For more information, see "[Authorizing OAuth Apps](/github/authenticating-to-github/authorizing-oauth-apps)." ### Further reading - "[About READMEs](/github/creating-cloning-and-archiving-repositories/about-readmes)" 7 ...ducation/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/learn-with-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ --- title: Learn with GitHub Classroom intro: You can participate in coursework in {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} and see results from your teacher. mapTopic: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- 33 ...on/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/leave-feedback-with-pull-requests.md @@ -0,0 +1,33 @@ --- title: Leave feedback with pull requests intro: You can leave feedback for your students in a special pull request within the repository for each assignment. permissions: People with read permissions to a repository can leave feedback in a pull request for the repository. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/leaving-feedback-in-github --- ### About feedback pull requests for assignments {% data reusables.classroom.you-can-create-a-pull-request-for-feedback %} When you enable the pull request for feedback for an assignment, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} will create a special pull request titled **Feedback** in the assignment repository for each student or team. The pull request automatically shows every commit that a student pushed to the assignment repository's default branch. ### Prerequisites To create and access the feedback pull request, you must enable the feedback pull request when you create the assignment. {% data reusables.classroom.for-more-information-about-assignment-creation %} ### Leaving feedback in a pull request for an assignment {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} 1. In the list of classrooms, click the classroom with the assignment you want to review.  {% data reusables.classroom.click-assignment-in-list %} 1. To the right of the submission, click **Review**.  1. Review the pull request. For more information, see "[Commenting on a pull request](/github/collaborating-with-issues-and-pull-requests/commenting-on-a-pull-request)." ### Further reading - "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an IDE](http://localhost:4000/en/free-pro-team@latest/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-ide)" 121 content/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/manage-classrooms.md @@ -0,0 +1,121 @@ --- title: Manage classrooms intro: You can create and manage a classroom for each course that you teach using {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. permissions: Organization owners can manage a classroom for an organization. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/archive-a-classroom --- ### About classrooms {% data reusables.classroom.about-classrooms %}  ### About management of classrooms {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} uses organization accounts on {% data variables.product.product_name %} to manage permissions, administration, and security for each classroom that you create. Each organization can have multiple classrooms. After you create a classroom, {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} will prompt you to invite teaching assistants (TAs) and admins to the classroom. Each classroom can have one or more admins. Admins can be teachers, TAs, or any other course administrator who you'd like to have control over your classrooms on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. Invite TAs and admins to your classroom by inviting the user accounts on {% data variables.product.product_name %} to your organization as organization owners and sharing the URL for your classrom. Organization owners can administer any classroom for the organization. For more information, see "[Permission levels for an organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/permission-levels-for-an-organization)" and "[Inviting users to join your organization](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/inviting-users-to-join-your-organization)." When you're done using a classroom, you can archive the classroom and refer to the classroom, roster, and assignments later, or you can delete the classroom if you no longer need the classroom. ### About classroom rosters Each classroom has a roster. A roster is a list of identifiers for the students who participate in your course. When you first share the URL for an assignment with a student, the student must sign into {% data variables.product.product_name %} with a user account to link the user account to an identifier for the classroom. After the student links a user account, you can see the associated user account in the roster. You can also see when the student accepts or submits an assignment.  ### Prerequisites You must have an organization account on {% data variables.product.product_name %} to manage classrooms on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. For more information, see "[Types of {% data variables.product.company_short %} accounts](/github/getting-started-with-github/types-of-github-accounts#organization-accounts)" and "[Creating a new organization from scratch](/github/setting-up-and-managing-organizations-and-teams/creating-a-new-organization-from-scratch)." You must authorize the OAuth app for {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} for your organization to manage classrooms for your organization account. For more information, see "[Authorizing OAuth Apps](/github/authenticating-to-github/authorizing-oauth-apps)." ### Creating a classroom {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} 1. Click **New classroom**.  {% data reusables.classroom.guide-create-new-classroom %} After you create a classroom, you can begin creating assignments for students. For more information, see "[Create an individual assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-an-individual-assignment)" or "[Create a group assignment](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/create-a-group-assignment)." ### Creating a roster for your classroom You can create a roster of the students who participate in your course. If your course already has a roster, you can update the students on the roster or delete the roster. For more information, see "[Adding a student to the roster for your classroom](#adding-students-to-the-roster-for-your-classroom)" or "[Deleting a roster for a classroom](#deleting-a-roster-for-a-classroom)." {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-students %} 1. To connect {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} to your LMS and import a roster, click {% octicon "mortar-board" aria-label="The mortar board icon" %} **Import from a learning management system** and follow the instructions. For more information, see "[Connect a learning management system to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom)."  1. To create a roster manually, type your student identifiers. Optionally, click **Upload a CSV or text file** to upload a file containing the identifiers.  1. Click **Create roster**.  ### Adding students to the roster for your classroom Your classroom must have an existing roster to add students to the roster. For more information about creating a roster, see "[Creating a roster for your classrom](#creating-a-roster-for-your-classroom)." {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-students %} 1. To the right of "Classroom roster", click **Update students**.  1. Follow the instructions to add students to the roster. - To import students from an LMS, click **Sync from a learning management system**. For more information about importing a roster from an LMS, see "[Connect a learning management system to {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/connect-a-learning-management-system-to-github-classroom)." - To manually add students, under "Manually add students", click **Upload a CSV or text file** or type the identifiers for the students, then click **Add roster entries**.  ### Renaming a classroom {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-settings %} 1. Under "Classroom name", type a new name for the classroom.  1. Click **Rename classroom**.  ### Archiving or unarchiving a classroom You can archive a classroom that you no longer use on {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %}. When you archive a classroom, you can't create new assignments or edit existing assignments for the classroom. Students can't accept invitations to assignments in archived classrooms. {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} 1. To the right of a classroom's name, select the {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %} drop-down menu, then click **Archive**.  1. To unarchive a classroom, to the right of a classroom's name, select the {% octicon "kebab-horizontal" aria-label="The horizontal kebab icon" %} drop-down menu, then click **Unarchive**.  ### Deleting a roster for a classroom {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-students %} 1. Under "Delete this roster", click **Delete roster**.  1. Read the warnings, then click **Delete roster**.  ### Deleting a classroom {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-settings %} 1. To the right of "Delete this classroom", click **Delete classroom**.  1. **Read the warnings**. 1. To verify that you're deleting the correct classroom, type the name of the classroom you want to delete.  1. Click **Delete classroom**.  22 ...on/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/run-student-code-in-an-online-ide.md @@ -0,0 +1,22 @@ --- title: Run student code in an online IDE intro: You can run the code from a student assignment within the online integrated development environment (IDE) that you configured for the assignment. versions: free-pro-team: '*' redirect_from: - /education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/running-student-code --- ### About student code and online IDEs If you configure an online integrated development environment (IDE) for an assignment, you can run the code within the online IDE. You don't need to clone the assignment repository to your computer. For more information about online IDEs, see "[Integrate {% data variables.product.prodname_classroom %} with an online IDE](/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/integrate-github-classroom-with-an-online-ide)." ### Running student code in the online IDE {% data reusables.classroom.sign-into-github-classroom %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-classroom-in-list %} {% data reusables.classroom.click-assignment-in-list %} 1. To the right of the submission, click **View IDE**.  8 ...ducation/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/teach-with-github-classroom.md @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ --- title: Teach with GitHub Classroom intro: Learn how to set up your classroom and assignments. mapTopic: true versions: free-pro-team: '*' --- 93 content/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/use-autograding.md 30 ...t/education/manage-coursework-with-github-classroom/view-autograding-results.md 90 content/education/quickstart.md 1 ...github-education/about-campus-advisors.md → ...github-education/about-campus-advisors.md 1 ...-github-education/about-campus-experts.md → ...-github-education/about-campus-experts.md 1 ...ducation-for-educators-and-researchers.md → ...ducation-for-educators-and-researchers.md 5 ...on/about-github-education-for-students.md → ...on/about-github-education-for-students.md 9 ...ithub-education/about-github-education.md → ...ithub-education/about-github-education.md 5 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danderfer / Comp Sci Sem 2According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT. BACKYARD PARENT’S HOUSE - DAY Barry sits on a RAFT in a hexagon honey pool, legs dangling into the water. Janet Benson and Martin Benson stand over him wearing big, sixties sunglasses and cabana-type outfits. The sun shines brightly behind their heads. JANET BENSON (O.C) There he is. He’s in the pool. MARTIN BENSON You know what your problem is, Barry? BARRY I’ve got to start thinking bee? MARTIN BENSON Barry, how much longer is this going to go on? It’s been three days. I don’t understand why you’re not working. BARRY Well, I’ve got a lot of big life decisions I’m thinking about. MARTIN BENSON What life? You have no life! You have no job! You’re barely a bee! Barry throws his hands in the air. BARRY Augh. JANET BENSON Would it kill you to just make a little honey? Barry ROLLS off the raft and SINKS to the bottom of the pool. We hear his parents’ MUFFLED VOICES from above the surface. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 47. JANET BENSON (CONT'D) (muffled) Barry, come out from under there. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? MARTIN BENSON Barry, I’m talking to you. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PICNIC AREA - DAY MUSIC: “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies. Barry and Vanessa are having a picnic. A MOSQUITO lands on Vanessa’s leg. She SWATS it violently. Barry’s head whips around, aghast. They stare at each other awkwardly in a frozen moment, then BURST INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. Vanessa GETS UP. VANESSA You coming? BARRY Got everything? VANESSA All set. Vanessa gets into a one-man Ultra Light plane with a black and yellow paint scheme. She puts on her helmet. BARRY You go ahead, I’ll catch up. VANESSA (come hither wink) Don’t be too long. The Ultra Light takes off. Barry catches up. They fly sideby-side. VANESSA (CONT’D) Watch this! Vanessa does a loop, and FLIES right into the side of a mountain, BURSTING into a huge ball of flames. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 48. BARRY (yelling, anguished) Vanessa! EXT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Barry’s face bursting through the surface of the pool, GASPING for air, eyes opening in horror. MARTIN BENSON We’re still here, Barry. JANET BENSON I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond when you yell at him. MARTIN BENSON Then why are you yelling at me? JANET BENSON Because you don’t listen. MARTIN BENSON I’m not listening to this. Barry is toweling off, putting on his sweater. BARRY Sorry Mom, I’ve got to go. JANET BENSON Where are you going? BARRY Nowhere. I’m meeting a friend. Barry JUMPS off the balcony and EXITS. JANET BENSON (calling after him) A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON I just hope she’s Bee-ish. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 49. SEQ. 1700 - “STREETWALK/SUPERMARKET” EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP - DAY Vanessa FLIPS the sign to say “Sorry We Missed You”, and locks the door. ANGLE ON: A POSTER on Vanessa’s door for the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena. BARRY So they have a huge parade of just flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA Oh, to be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream. Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY Wow, a tournament. Do the roses actually compete in athletic events? VANESSA No. Alright, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? BARRY It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY Isn’t that faster? VANESSA Yeah, okay. I see, I see. Alright, your turn. Barry and Vanessa walk/fly down a New York side street, no other pedestrians near them. BARRY Ah! Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 50. VANESSA What, you don’t have anything like that? BARRY We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA Oh my. They turn the corner onto a busier avenue and people start to swat at Barry. MAN Dumb bees! VANESSA You must just want to sting all those jerks. BARRY We really try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. VANESSA So you really have to watch your temper? They ENTER a SUPERMARKET. CUT TO: INT. SUPERMARKET BARRY Oh yeah, very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. You work through it like any emotion-- anger, jealousy, (under his breath) lust. Barry hops on top of some cardboard boxes in the middle of an aisle. A stock boy, HECTOR, whacks him with a rolled up magazine. VANESSA (to Barry) Oh my goodness. Are you okay? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 51. BARRY Yeah. Whew! Vanessa WHACKS Hector over the head with the magazine. VANESSA (to Hector) What is wrong with you?! HECTOR It’s a bug. VANESSA Well he’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep. Vanessa pushes him, and Hector EXITS, muttering. BARRY (shaking it off) What was that, a Pick and Save circular? VANESSA Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY It felt like about ten pages. Seventy-five’s pretty much our limit. VANESSA Boy, you’ve really got that down to a science. BARRY Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA I’ll bet. Barry stops, sees the wall of honey jars. BARRY What, in the name of Mighty Hercules, is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select? VANESSA Is he that actor? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 52. BARRY I never heard of him. Why is this here? VANESSA For people. We eat it. BARRY Why? (gesturing around the market) You don’t have enough food of your own? VANESSA Well yes, we-- BARRY How do you even get it? VANESSA Well, bees make it... BARRY I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s Heating and Cooling, and Stirring...you need a whole Krelman thing. VANESSA It’s organic. BARRY It’s our-ganic! VANESSA It’s just honey, Barry. BARRY Just...what?! Bees don’t know about this. This is stealing. A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, our schools, our hospitals. This is all we have. And it’s on sale? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’m going to get to the bottom of all of this! He RIPS the label off the Ray Liotta Private Select. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 53. SEQ. 1800 - “WINDSHIELD” EXT. BACK OF SUPERMARKET LOADING DOCK - LATER THAT DAY Barry disguises himself by blacking out his yellow lines with a MAGIC MARKER and putting on some war paint. He sees Hector, the stock boy, with a knife CUTTING open cardboard boxes filled with honey jars. MAN You almost done? HECTOR Almost. Barry steps in some honey, making a SNAPPING noise. Hector stops and turns. HECTOR (CONT’D) He is here. I sense it. Hector grabs his BOX CUTTER. Barry REACTS, hides himself behind the box again. HECTOR (CONT’D) (talking too loud, to no one in particular) Well, I guess I’ll go home now, and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. A BEAT. Hector pretends to exit. He takes a couple of steps in place. ANGLE ON: The honey jar. Barry steps out into a moody spotlight. BARRY You’re busted, box boy! HECTOR Ah ha! I knew I heard something. So, you can talk. Barry flies up, stinger out, pushing Hector up against the wall. As Hector backs up, he drops his knife. BARRY Oh, I can talk. And now you’re going to start talking. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 54. Where are you getting all the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier?! HECTOR I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought we were all friends. The last thing we want to do is upset any of you...bees! Hector grabs a PUSHPIN. Barry fences with his stinger. HECTOR (CONT’D) You’re too late. It’s ours now! BARRY You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword. HECTOR You, sir, are about to be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Barry and Hector get into a cross-swords, nose-to-nose confrontation. BARRY Where is the honey coming from? Barry knocks the pushpin out of his hand. Barry puts his stinger up to Hector’s nose. BARRY (CONT'D) Tell me where?! HECTOR (pointing to a truck) Honey Farms. It comes from Honey Farms. ANGLE ON: A Honey Farms truck leaving the parking lot. Barry turns, takes off after the truck through an alley. He follows the truck out onto a busy street, dodging a bus, and several cabs. CABBIE Crazy person! He flies through a metal pipe on the top of a truck. BARRY OOOHHH! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 55. BARRY (CONT'D) Barry grabs onto a bicycle messenger’s backpack. The honey farms truck starts to pull away. Barry uses the bungee cord to slingshot himself towards the truck. He lands on the windshield, where the wind plasters him to the glass. He looks up to find himself surrounded by what appear to be DEAD BUGS. He climbs across, working his way around the bodies. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh my. What horrible thing has happened here? Look at these faces. They never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere. A MOSQUITO opens his eyes. MOOSEBLOOD Pssst! Just keep still. BARRY What? You’re not dead? MOOSEBLOOD Do I look dead? Hey man, they will wipe anything that moves. Now, where are you headed? BARRY To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. MOOSEBLOOD I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood. Crazy stuff. Blows your head off. LADYBUG I’m going to Tacoma. BARRY (to fly) What about you? MOOSEBLOOD He really is dead. BARRY Alright. The WIPER comes towards them. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 56. MOOSEBLOOD Uh oh. BARRY What is that? MOOSEBLOOD Oh no! It’s a wiper, triple blade! BARRY Triple blade? MOOSEBLOOD Jump on. It’s your only chance, bee. They hang on as the wiper goes back and forth. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) (yelling to the truck driver through the glass) Why does everything have to be so dog-gone clean?! How much do you people need to see? Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! CUT TO: INT. TRUCK CAB SFX: Radio. RADIO VOICE For NPR News in Washington, I’m Carl Kasell. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD MOOSEBLOOD But don’t kill no more bugs! The Mosquito is FLUNG off of the wiper. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Beeeeeeeeeeeeee! BARRY Moose blood guy! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 57. Barry slides toward the end of the wiper, is thrown off, but he grabs the AERIAL and hangs on for dear life. Barry looks across and sees a CRICKET on another vehicle in the exact same predicament. They look at each other and SCREAM in unison. BARRY AND CRICKET Aaaaaaaaaah! ANOTHER BUG grabs onto the aerial, and screams as well. INT. TRUCK CAB - SAME TIME DRIVER You hear something? TRUCKER PASSENGER Like what? DRIVER Like tiny screaming. TRUCKER PASSENGER Turn off the radio. The driver reaches down and PRESSES a button, lowering the aerial. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD - SAME TIME Barry and the other bug do a “choose up” to the bottom, Barry wins. BARRY Aha! Then he finally has to let go and gets thrown into the truck horn atop cab. Mooseblood is inside. MOOSEBLOOD Hey, what’s up bee boy? BARRY Hey, Blood! DISSOLVE TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 58. INT. TRUCK HORN - LATER BARRY ...and it was just an endless row of honey jars as far as the eye could see. MOOSEBLOOD Wow. BARRY So I’m just assuming wherever this honey truck goes, that’s where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours! MOOSEBLOOD Bees hang tight. BARRY Well, we’re all jammed in there. It’s a close community. MOOSEBLOOD Not us, man. We’re on our own. Every mosquito is on his own. BARRY But what if you get in trouble? MOOSEBLOOD Trouble? You're a mosquito. You're in trouble! Nobody likes us. They’re just all smacking. People see a mosquito, smack, smack! BARRY At least you’re out in the world. You must meet a lot of girls. MOOSEBLOOD Mosquito girls try to trade up; get with a moth, dragonfly...mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. A BLOOD MOBILE pulls up alongside. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Mooseblood’s about to leave the building. So long bee. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 59. Mooseblood EXITS the horn, and jumps onto the blood mobile. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Hey guys. I knew I’d catch you all down here. Did you bring your crazy straws? CUT TO: SEQ. 1900 - “THE APIARY” EXT. APIARY - LATER Barry sees a SIGN, “Honey Farms” The truck comes to a stop. SFX: The Honey farms truck blares its horn. Barry flies out, lands on the hood. ANGLE ON: Two BEEKEEPERS, FREDDY and ELMO, walking around to the back of the gift shop. Barry follows them, and lands in a nearby tree FREDDY ...then we throw it in some jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. BARRY What is this place? ELMO Bees got a brain the size of a pinhead. FREDDY They are pinheads. The both LAUGH. ANGLE ON: Barry REACTING. They arrive at the back of the shop where one of them opens a SMOKER BOX. FREDDY (CONT’D) Hey, check out the new smoker. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 60. ELMO Oh, Sweet. That’s the one you want. FREDDY The Thomas 3000. BARRY Smoker? FREDDY 90 puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. They LAUGH again, nefariously. FREDDY (CONT’D) Couple of breaths of this, and it knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. BARRY “They make the honey, and we make the money?” Barry climbs onto the netting of Freddy’s hat. He climbs up to the brim and looks over the edge. He sees the apiary boxes as Freddy SMOKES them. BARRY (CONT'D) Oh my. As Freddy turns around, Barry jumps into an open apiary box, and into an apartment. HOWARD and FRAN are just coming to from the smoking. BARRY (CONT’D) What’s going on? Are you okay? HOWARD Yeah, it doesn’t last too long. HE COUGHS a few times. BARRY How did you two get here? Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? HOWARD (pointing to a picture on the wall) "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 61. Our queen was moved here, we had no choice. BARRY (looking at a picture on the wall) This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes. That’s a dragqueen! The other wall opens. Barry sees the hundreds of apiary boxes. BARRY (CONT'D) What is this? Barry pulls out his camera, and starts snapping. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh no. There’s hundreds of them. (V.O, as Barry takes pictures) Bee honey, our honey, is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale. CUT TO: SEQ. 2100 - “BARRY TELLS FAMILY” INT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Barry has assembled his parents, Adam, and Uncle Carl. BARRY This is worse than anything the bears have done to us. And I intend to do something about it. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, stop. MARTIN BENSON Who told you that humans are taking our honey? That’s just a rumor. BARRY Do these look like rumors? Barry throws the PICTURES on the table. Uncle Carl, cleaning his glasses with his shirt tail, digs through a bowl of nuts with his finger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 62. HOWARD (CONT'D) UNCLE CARL That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. JANET BENSON Barry, how did you get mixed up in all this? ADAM (jumping up) Because he’s been talking to humans! JANET BENSON Whaaat? MARTIN BENSON Talking to humans?! Oh Barry. ADAM He has a human girlfriend and they make out! JANET BENSON Make out? Barry? BARRY We do not. ADAM You wish you could. BARRY Who’s side are you on? ADAM The bees! Uncle Carl stands up and pulls his pants up to his chest. UNCLE CARL I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Man, those crazy legs kept me up all night. Hotcheewah! JANET BENSON Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? BARRY This is what I want to do for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 63. Dad, I remember you coming home some nights so overworked, your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop them. MARTIN BENSON Ehhh... JANET BENSON (to Martin) I remember that. BARRY What right do they have to our hardearned honey? We’re living on two cups a year. They’re putting it in lip balm for no reason what-soever. MARTIN BENSON Even if it’s true, Barry, what could one bee do? BARRY I’m going to sting them where it really hurts. MARTIN BENSON In the face? BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON In the eye? That would really hurt. BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON Up the nose? That’s a killer. BARRY No. There’s only one place you can sting the humans. One place where it really matters. CUT TO: SEQ. 2300 - “HIVE AT 5 NEWS/BEE LARRY KING” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 64. BARRY (CONT'D) INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC plays as the opening news sequence rolls. We see the “Hive at Five” logo, followed by shots of past news events: A BEE freeway chase, a BEE BEARD protest rally, and a BEAR pawing at the hive as the BEES flee in panic. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) Hive at Five, the hive’s only full hour action news source... SHOTS of NEWSCASTERS flash up on screen. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk... BOB has a big shock of anchorman hair, gray temples and overly white teeth. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) ...weather with Storm Stinger, sports with Buzz Larvi, and Jeanette Chung. JEANETTE is an Asian bee. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) Good evening, I’m Bob Bumble. JEANETTE CHUNG And I’m Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE Our top story, a tri-county bee, Barry Benson... INSERT: Barry’s graduation picture. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) ...is saying he intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it, and profiting from it illegally. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 65. INT. BEENN STUDIO - BEE LARRY KING LIVE BEE LARRY KING, wearing suspenders and glasses, is interviewing Barry. A LOWER-THIRD CHYRON reads: “Bee Larry King Live.” BEE LARRY KING Don’t forget, tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we are going to have three former Queens all right here in our studio discussing their new book, “Classy Ladies,” out this week on Hexagon. (to Barry) Tonight, we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, I’m just a kid from the hive, I can’t do this? BARRY Larry, bees have never been afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee-Columbus? Bee-Ghandi? Be-geesus? BEE LARRY KING Well, where I’m from you wouldn’t think of suing humans. We were thinking more like stick ball, candy stores. BARRY How old are you? BEE LARRY KING I want you to know that the entire bee community is supporting you in this case, which is certain to be the trial of the bee century. BARRY Thank you, Larry. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world, too. BEE LARRY KING It’s a common name. Next week on Bee Larry King... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 66. BARRY No, I mean he looks like you. And he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. BEE LARRY KING Next week on Bee Larry King... BARRY Old guy glasses, and there’s quotes along the bottom from the guest you’re watching even though you just heard them... BEE LARRY KING Bear week next week! They’re scary, they’re hairy, and they’re here live. Bee Larry King EXITS. BARRY Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes... (lights go out) Very Jewish. CUT TO: SEQ. 2400 - “FLOWER SHOP” INT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - NIGHT Stacks of law books are piled up, legal forms, etc. Vanessa is talking with Ken in the other room. KEN Look, in tennis, you attack at the point of weakness. VANESSA But it was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. KEN Honey, her backhand’s a joke. I’m not going to take advantage of that? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 67. BARRY (O.C) Quiet please. Actual work going on here. KEN Is that that same bee? BARRY (O.C) Yes it is. VANESSA I’m helping him sue the human race. KEN What? Barry ENTERS. BARRY Oh, hello. KEN Hello Bee. Barry flies over to Vanessa. VANESSA This is Ken. BARRY Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size 10 1/2, Vibram sole I believe. KEN Why does he talk again, Hun? VANESSA (to Ken, sensing the tension) Listen, you’d better go because we’re really busy working. KEN But it’s our yogurt night. VANESSA (pushing him out the door) Oh...bye bye. She CLOSES the door. KEN Why is yogurt night so difficult?! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 68. Vanessa ENTERS the back room carrying coffee. VANESSA Oh you poor thing, you two have been at this for hours. BARRY Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ANGLE ON: A EMPTY CINNABON BOX with Adam asleep inside, covered in frosting. VANESSA How many sugars? BARRY Just one. I try not to use the competition. So, why are you helping me, anyway? VANESSA Bees have good qualities. BARRY (rowing on the sugar cube like a gondola) Si, Certo. VANESSA And it feels good to take my mind off the shop. I don’t know why, instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY Yeah, those are great...if you’re 3. VANESSA And artificial flowers. BARRY (re: plastic flowers) Oh, they just get me psychotic! VANESSA Yeah, me too. BARRY The bent stingers, the pointless pollination. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 69. VANESSA Bees must hate those fake plastic things. BARRY There’s nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. VANESSA (holding up the lawsuit documents) Well, maybe this can make up for it a little bit. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP They EXIT the store, and cross to the mailbox. VANESSA You know Barry, this lawsuit is a pretty big deal. BARRY I guess. VANESSA Are you sure that you want to go through with it? BARRY Am I sure? (kicking the envelope into the mailbox) When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty. CUT TO: SEQ. 2700 - “MEET MONTGOMERY” EXT. MANHATTAN COURTHOUSE - DAY P.O.V SHOT - A camera feed turns on, revealing a newsperson. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 70. PRESS PERSON #2 (talking to camera) Sarah, it’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where all eyes and ears of the world are anxiously waiting, because for the first time in history, we’re going to hear for ourselves if a honey bee can actually speak. ANGLE ON: Barry, Vanessa, and Adam getting out of the cab. The press spots Barry and Vanessa and pushes in. Adam sits on Vanessa’s shoulder. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry, Vanessa, and Adam sit at the Plaintiff’s Table. VANESSA (turns to Barry) What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s pretty big, isn’t it? ADAM I can’t believe how many humans don’t have to be at work during the day. BARRY Hey, you think these billion dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - CONTINUOUS A BIG BLACK CAR pulls up. ANGLE ON: the grill filling the frame. We see the “L.T.M” monogram on the hood ornament. The defense lawyer, LAYTON T. MONTGOMERY comes out, squashing a bug on the pavement. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 71. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry SHUDDERS. VANESSA What’s the matter? BARRY I don’t know. I just got a chill. Montgomery ENTERS. He walks by Barry’s table shaking a honey packet. MONTGOMERY Well, if it isn’t the B-Team. (re: the honey packet) Any of you boys work on this? He CHUCKLES. The JUDGE ENTERS. SEQ. 3000 - “WITNESSES” BAILIFF All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE (shuffling papers) Alright...Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York. Barry Bee Benson vs. the honey industry, is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you are representing the five major food companies, collectively. ANGLE ON: Montgomery’s BRIEFCASE. It has an embossed emblem of an EAGLE, holding a gavel in one talon and a briefcase in the other. MONTGOMERY A privilege. JUDGE Mr. Benson. Barry STANDS. JUDGE (CONT’D) You are representing all bees of the world? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 72. Montgomery, the stenographer, and the jury lean in. CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS The spectators outside freeze. The helicopters angle forward to listen closely. CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE BARRY Bzzz bzzz bzzz...Ahh, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Yes, your honor. We are ready to proceed. ANGLE ON: Courtroom hub-bub. JUDGE And Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Montgomery rises. MONTGOMERY (grumbles, clears his throat) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we were to live in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what it would mean. Maybe I would have to negotiate with the silk worm for the elastic in my britches. Talking bee. How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion picture capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams, robotics, ventriloquism, cloning...for all we know he could be on steroids! Montgomery leers at Barry, who moves to the stand. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 73. JUDGE Mr. Benson? Barry makes his opening statement. BARRY Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. And as a bee, honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it, we make it, and we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take whatever they want from us cause we’re the little guys. And what I’m hoping is that after this is all over, you’ll see how by taking our honey, you’re not only taking away everything we have, but everything we are. ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling. ANGLE ON: The BEE GALLERY wiping tears away. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE Barry’s family is watching the case on TV. JANET BENSON Oh, I wish he would dress like that all the time. So nice... CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM - LATER JUDGE Call your first witness. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 74. INT. COURTHOUSE - LATER BARRY So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms. Pretty big company you have there? MR. VANDERHAYDEN I suppose so. BARRY And I see you also own HoneyBurton, and Hon-Ron. MR. VANDERHAYDEN Yes. They provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term, I have to say. I don’t imagine you employ any bee free-ers, do you? MR. VANDERHAYDEN No. BARRY I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you. MR. VANDERHAYDEN (louder) No. BARRY No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. And not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey? MR. VANDERHAYDEN Well, they’re very lovable creatures. Yogi-bear, Fozzy-bear, Build-a-bear. BARRY Yeah, you mean like this?! Vanessa and the SUPERINTENDANT from her building ENTER with a GIANT FEROCIOUS GRIZZLY BEAR. He has a neck collar and chains extending from either side. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 75. By pulling the chains, they bring him directly in front of Vanderhayden. The bear LUNGES and ROARS. BARRY (CONT'D) Bears kill bees! How would you like his big hairy head crashing into your living room? Biting into your couch, spitting out your throwpillows...rowr, rowr! The bear REACTS. BEAR Rowr!! BARRY Okay, that’s enough. Take him away. Vanessa and the Superintendant pull the bear out of the courtroom. Vanderhayden TREMBLES. The judge GLARES at him. CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM- A LITTLE LATER Barry questions STING. BARRY So, Mr. Sting. Thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me, I have to say. Where have I heard it before? STING I was with a band called "The Police". BARRY But you've never been a police officer of any kind, have you? STING No, I haven't. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 76. BARRY No, you haven’t. And so, here we have yet another example of bee culture being casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING Oh please. BARRY Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say, (looking in folder) Mr. Gordon M. Sumner? The jury GASPS. MONTGOMERY (to his aides) That’s not his real name? You idiots! CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE- LATER BARRY Mr. Liotta, first may I offer my belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on E.R. in 2005. LIOTTA Thank you. Thank you. Liotta LAUGHS MANIACALLY. BARRY I also see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome, but with a churning inner turmoil that’s always ready to blow. LIOTTA I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 77. BARRY Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you, Mr. Liotta? Exploiting tiny helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part, and learn your lines, Sir? LIOTTA Watch it Benson, I could blow right now. BARRY This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! LIOTTA (exploding, trying to smash Barry with the Emmy) Why doesn’t someone just step on this little creep and we can all go home? You’re all thinking it. Say it! JUDGE Order! Order in this courtroom! A MONTAGE OF NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FOLLOWS: NEW YORK POST: “Bees to Humans: Buzz Off”. NEW YORK TELEGRAM: “Sue Bee”. DAILY VARIETY: “Studio Dumps Liotta Project. Slams Door on Unlawful Entry 2.” CUT TO: SEQ. 3175 - “CANDLELIGHT DINNER” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT Barry and Vanessa are having a candle light dinner. Visible behind Barry is a “LITTLE MISSY” SET BOX, with the flaps open. BARRY Well, I just think that was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 78. VANESSA I’m telling you, I think the jury’s on our side. BARRY Are we doing everything right...you know, legally? VANESSA I’m a florist. BARRY Right, right. Barry raises his glass. BARRY (CONT’D) Well, here’s to a great team. VANESSA To a great team. They toast. Ken ENTERS KEN Well hello. VANESSA Oh...Ken. BARRY Hello. VANESSA I didn’t think you were coming. KEN No, I was just late. I tried to call. But, (holding his cell phone) the battery... VANESSA I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily he was free. BARRY Yeah. KEN (gritting his teeth) Oh, that was lucky. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 79. VANESSA Well, there’s still a little left. I could heat it up. KEN Yeah, heat it up. Sure, whatever. Vanessa EXITS. Ken and Barry look at each other as Barry eats. BARRY So, I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. I find the ball a little grabby. KEN That’s where I usually sit. Right there. VANESSA (O.C) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that “eating with chopsticks” isn’t really a special skill. KEN (to Barry) You think I don’t see what you’re doing? BARRY Hey look, I know how hard it is trying to find the right job. We certainly have that in common. KEN Do we? BARRY Well, bees have 100% employment, of course. But we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken holds his table knife up. It slips out of his hand. He goes under the table to pick it up. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 80. VANESSA Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was alright. Ken hits his head on the table. BARRY I’m going to go drain the old stinger. KEN Yeah, you do that. Barry EXITS to the bathroom, grabbing a small piece of a VARIETY MAGAZINE on the way. BARRY Oh, look at that. Ken slams the champagne down on the table. Ken closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands. He grabs a magazine on the way into the bathroom. SEQ. 2800 - “BARRY FIGHTS KEN” INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Ken ENTERS, closes the door behind him. He’s not happy. Barry is washing his hands. He glances back at Ken. KEN You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. BARRY What’s that? KEN Italian Vogue. BARRY Mamma Mia, that’s a lot of pages. KEN It’s a lot of ads. BARRY Remember what Van said. Why is your life any more valuable than mine? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 81. KEN It’s funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! Ken WHACKS at Barry with the magazine. He misses and KNOCKS EVERYTHING OFF THE VANITY. Ken grabs a can of AIR FRESHENER. KEN (CONT'D) I think something stinks in here. He sprays at Barry. BARRY I love the smell of flowers. KEN Yeah? How do you like the smell of flames? Ken lights the stream. BARRY Not as much. Barry flies in a circle. Ken, trying to stay with him, spins in place. ANGLE ON: Flames outside the bathroom door. Ken slips on the Italian Vogue, falls backward into the shower, pulling down the shower curtain. The can hits him in the head, followed by the shower curtain rod, and the rubber duck. Ken reaches back, grabs the handheld shower head. He whips around, looking for Barry. ANGLE ON: A WATERBUG near the drain. WATERBUG Waterbug. Not taking sides. Barry is on the toilet tank. He comes out from behind a shampoo bottle, wearing a chapstick cap as a helmet. BARRY Ken, look at me! I’m wearing a chapstick hat. This is pathetic. ANGLE ON: Ken turning the hand shower nozzle from “GENTLE”, to “TURBO”, to “LETHAL”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 82. KEN I’ve got issues! Ken fires the water at Barry, knocking him into the toilet. The items from the vanity (emory board, lipstick, eye curler, etc.) are on the toilet seat. Ken looks down at Barry. KEN (CONT'D) Well well well, a royal flush. BARRY You’re bluffing. KEN Am I? Ken flushes the toilet. Barry grabs the Emory board and uses it to surf. He puts his hand in the water while he’s surfing. Some water splashes on Ken. BARRY Surf’s up, dude! KEN Awww, poo water! He does some skate board-style half-pipe riding. Barry surfs out of the toilet. BARRY That bowl is gnarly. Ken tries to get a shot at him with the toilet brush. KEN Except for those dirty yellow rings. Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA Kenneth! What are you doing? KEN You know what? I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! VANESSA We need to talk! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 83. She pulls Ken out by his ear. Ken glares at Barry. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS VANESSA He’s just a little bee. And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time. KEN Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! KEN Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...my nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollercoaster. VANESSA Goodbye, Ken. KEN Augh! VANESSA Whew! Ken EXITS, then re-enters frame. KEN And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners, made by man! He EXITS again. The DOOR SLAMS behind him. VANESSA (to Barry) I’m sorry about all that. Ken RE-ENTERS. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 84. KEN I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! BARRY (re: Ken) I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. (puts his hands in his pockets) I couldn’t overcome it. Oh well. VANESSA Are you going to be okay for the trial tomorrow? BARRY Oh, I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. CUT TO: SEQ. 3300 - “ADAM STINGS MONTY” INT. COURTROOM - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: Medium shot of Montgomery standing at his table. MONTGOMERY We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM (whispering to Vanessa) Now that’s a good idea. (to Barry) You can really see why he’s considered one of the very best lawyers-- Oh. Barry rolls his eyes. He gets up, takes the stand. A juror in a striped shirt APPLAUDS. MR. GAMMIL (whispering) Layton, you’ve got to weave some magic with this jury, or it’s going to be all over. Montgomery is holding a BOOK, “The Secret Life of Bees”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 85. MONTGOMERY (confidently whispering) Oh, don’t worry Mr. Gammil. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. (to Gammil) You got the tweezers? Mr. Gammil NODS, and pats his breast pocket. MR. GAMMIL Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Montgomery approaches the stand. MONTGOMERY (CONT’D) Mr. Benson Bee. I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? Montgomery points to Vanessa. BARRY We’re friends. MONTGOMERY Good friends? BARRY Yes. MONTGOMERY (softly in Barry’s face) How good? BARRY What? MONTGOMERY Do you live together? BARRY Wait a minute, this isn’t about-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 86. MONTGOMERY Are you her little... (clearing throat) ... bed bug? BARRY (flustered) Hey, that’s not the kind of-- MONTGOMERY I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. Now, from what I understand, doesn’t your Queen give birth to all the bee children in the hive? BARRY Yeah, but-- MONTGOMERY So those aren’t even your real parents! ANGLE ON: Barry’s parents. MARTIN BENSON Oh, Barry. BARRY Yes they are! ADAM Hold me back! Vanessa holds him back with a COFFEE STIRRER. Montgomery points to Barry’s parents. MONTGOMERY You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you Benson? ADAM He’s denouncing bees! All the bees in the courtroom start to HUM. They’re agitated. MONTGOMERY And don’t y’all date your cousins? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 87. VANESSA (standing, letting go of Adam) Objection! Adam explodes from the table and flies towards Montgomery. ADAM I’m going to pin cushion this guy! Montgomery turns around and positions himself by the judge’s bench. He sticks his butt out. Montgomery winks at his team. BARRY Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Adam shoves Barry out of the way. Adam STINGS Montgomery in the butt. The jury REACTS, aghast. MONTGOMERY Ow! I’m hit! Oh, lordy, I am hit! The judge BANGS her gavel. JUDGE Order! Order! Please, Mr. Montgomery. MONTGOMERY The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a wing-ed beast of destruction. You see? You can’t treat them like equals. They’re strip-ed savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! ANGLE ON: Adam, collapsed on the floor. Barry rushes to his side. BARRY Adam, stay with me. ADAM I can’t feel my legs. Montgomery falls on the Bailiff. BAILIFF Take it easy. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 88. MONTGOMERY Oh, what angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? The JURY recoils. JUDGE Please, I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! FADE TO: SEQ. 3400 - “ADAM AT HOSPITAL” INT. HOSPITAL - STREET LEVEL ROOM - DAY PRESS PERSON #1 (V.O) The case of the honey bees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday, when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Now here’s Don with the 5-day. A NURSE lets Barry into the room. Barry CARRIES a FLOWER. BARRY Thank you. Barry stands over Adam, in a bed. Barry lays the flower down next to him. The TV is on. BARRY (CONT'D) Hey buddy. ADAM Hey. BARRY Is there much pain? Adam has a BEE-SIZED PAINKILLER HONEY BUTTON near his head that he presses. ADAM (pressing the button) Yeah...I blew the whole case, didn’t I? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 89. BARRY Oh, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is you’re alive. You could have died. ADAM I’d be better off dead. Look at me. Adam THROWS the blanket off his lap, revealing a GREEN SANDWICH SWORD STINGER. ADAM (CONT’D) (voice cracking) They got it from the cafeteria, they got it from downstairs. In a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. BARRY What was it like to sting someone? ADAM I can’t explain it. It was all adrenaline...and then...ecstasy. Barry looks at Adam. BARRY Alright. ADAM You think that was all a trap? BARRY Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us, we’re just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM What do you think the humans will do to us if they win? BARRY I don’t know. ADAM I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 90. BARRY Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out. Adam GULPS. ADAM Oh my. ANGLE ON: the hospital window. We see THREE PEOPLE smoking outside on the sidewalk. The smoke drifts in. Adam COUGHS. ADAM (CONT’D) Say, could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY Why? ADAM The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. BARRY Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. Adam, that’s it! That’s our case. Adam starts putting his clothes on. ADAM It is? It’s not over? BARRY No. Get up. Get dressed. I’ve got to go somewhere. You get back the court and stall. Stall anyway you can. CUT TO: SEQ. 3500 - “SMOKING GUN” INT. COURTROOM - THE NEXT DAY Adam is folding a piece of paper into a boat. ADAM ...and assuming you’ve done step 29 correctly, you’re ready for the tub. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 91. ANGLE ON: The jury, all with paper boats of their own. JURORS Ooh. ANGLE ON: Montgomery frustrated with Gammil, who’s making a boat also. Monty crumples Gammil’s boat, and throws it at him. JUDGE Mr. Flayman? ADAM Yes? Yes, Your Honor? JUDGE Where is the rest of your team? ADAM (fumbling with his swordstinger) Well, your honor, it’s interesting. You know Bees are trained to fly kind of haphazardly and as a result quite often we don’t make very good time. I actually once heard a pretty funny story about a bee-- MONTGOMERY Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? Montgomery rolls out from behind his table. He’s suspended in a LARGE BABY CHAIR with wheels. MONTGOMERY (CONT'D) How much longer are we going to allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who have all run perfectly legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case. JUDGE Mr. Flayman, I am afraid I am going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 92. ADAM But you can’t. We have a terrific case. MONTGOMERY Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun. Barry bursts through the door. BARRY Hold it, your honor. You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. Vanessa ENTERS, holding a bee smoker Vanessa slams the beekeeper's SMOKER onto the judge’s bench. JUDGE What is that? BARRY It’s a Bee smoker. Montgomery GRABS the smoker. MONTGOMERY What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. He unintentionally points it towards the bee gallery, KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT. The jury GASPS. The press SNAPS pictures of them. BARRY Members of the jury, look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or Non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to these smoke machines in man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? Barry gestures dramatically towards Montgomery's racially mixed table. The BLACK LAWYER slowly moves his chair away. GAMMIL What are we going to do? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 93. MONTGOMERY (to Pross) He's playing the species card. Barry lands on the scale of justice, by the judge’s bench. It balances as he lands. BARRY Ladies and gentlemen, please, FreeThese-Bees! ANGLE ON: Jury, chanting "Free the bees". JUDGE The court finds in favor of the bees. The chaos continues. Barry flies over to Vanessa, with his hand up for a “high 5”. BARRY Vanessa, we won! VANESSA Yay! I knew you could do it. Highfive! She high 5’s Barry, sending him crashing to the table. He bounces right back up. VANESSA (CONT'D) Oh, sorry. BARRY Ow!! I’m okay. Vanessa, do you know what this means? All the honey is finally going to belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. Montgomery approaches Barry, surrounded by the press. The cameras and microphones go to Montgomery. MONTGOMERY (waving a finger) This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson! You’ll regret this. ANGLE ON: Barry’s ‘deer in headlights’ expression, as the press pushes microphones in his face. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 94. PRESS PERSON 1 Barry, how much honey do you think is out there? BARRY Alright, alright, one at a time... SARAH Barry, who are you wearing? BARRY Uhhh, my sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. The Press follows Barry as he EXITS. ANGLE ON: Adam and Vanessa. ADAM (putting papers away) What if Montgomery’s right? VANESSA What do you mean? ADAM We’ve been living the bee way a long time. 27 million years. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 3600 - “HONEY ROUNDUP” EXT. HONEY FARMS APIARY - MONTAGE SARAH (V.O) Congratulations on your victory. What are you going to demand as a settlement? BARRY (V.O) (over montage) First, we’re going to demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then, we want to get back all the honey that was ours to begin with. Every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, big-headed, bad breath, stink-machine. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 95. I believe we’re all aware of what they do in the woods. We will no longer tolerate derogatory beenegative nick-names, unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products, and la-dee-da tea-time human snack garnishments. MONTAGE IMAGES: Close-up on an ATF JACKET, with the YELLOW LETTERS. Camera pulls back. We see an ARMY OF BEE AND HUMAN AGENTS wearing hastily made “Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Honey” jackets. Barry supervises. The gate to Honey Farms is locked permanently. All the smokers are collected and locked up. All the bees leave the Apiary. CUT TO: EXT. ATF OUTSIDE OF SUPERMARKET - MONTAGE Agents begin YANKING honey off the supermarket shelves, and out of shopping baskets. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - MONTAGE The bees tear down a honey-bear statue. CUT TO: EXT. YELLOWSTONE FOREST - MONTAGE POV of a sniper’s crosshairs. An animated BEAR character looka-like, turns his head towards camera. BARRY Wait for my signal. ANGLE ON: Barry lowering his binoculars. BARRY (CONT'D) Take him out. The sniper SHOOTS the bear. It hits him in the shoulder. The bear looks at it. He gets woozy and the honey jar falls out of his lap, an ATF&H agent catches it. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 96. BARRY (V.O) (CONT'D) ATF&H AGENT (to the bear’s pig friend) He’ll have a little nausea for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. CUT TO: EXT. STING’S HOUSE - MONTAGE ATF&H agents SLAP CUFFS on Sting, who is meditating. STING But it’s just a prance-about stage name! CUT TO: INT. A WOMAN’S SHOWER - MONTAGE A WOMAN is taking a shower, and using honey shampoo. An ATF&H agent pulls the shower curtain aside, and grabs her bottle of shampoo. The woman SCREAMS. The agent turns to the 3 other agents, and Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry looking at the label on the shampoo bottle, shaking his head and writing in his clipboard. CUT TO: EXT. SUPERMARKET CAFE - MONTAGE Another customer, an old lady having her tea with a little jar of honey, gets her face pushed down onto the table and turned to the side by two agents. One of the agents has a gun on her. OLD LADY Can’t breathe. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - MONTAGE An OIL DRUM of honey is connected to Barry’s hive. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 97. BARRY Bring it in, boys. CUT TO: SEQ. 3650 - “NO MORE WORK” INT. HONEX - MONTAGE ANGLE ON: The honey goes past the 3-cup hash-mark, and begins to overflow. A WORKER BEE runs up to Buzzwell. WORKER BEE 1 Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed 3 cups, and there’s gallons mores coming. I think we need to shutdown. KEYCHAIN BEE (to Buzzwell) Shutdown? We’ve never shutdown. ANGLE ON: Buzzwell overlooking the factory floor. BUZZWELL Shutdown honey production! Stop making honey! ANGLE ON: TWO BEES, each with a KEY. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Turn your key, Sir! They turn the keys simultaneously, War Games-style, shutting down the honey machines. ANGLE ON: the Taffy-Pull machine, Centrifuge, and Krelman all slowly come to a stop. The bees look around, bewildered. WORKER BEE 5 What do we do now? A BEAT. WORKER BEE 6 Cannon ball!! He jumps into a HONEY VAT, doesn’t penetrate the surface. He looks around, and slowly sinks down to his waist. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 98. EXT. HONEX FACTORY THE WHISTLE BLOWS, and the bees all stream out the exit. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE - CONTINUOUS Lou Loduca gives orders to the pollen jocks. LOU LODUCA We’re shutting down honey production. Mission abort. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK Jackson receives the orders, mid-pollination. JACKSON Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees, putting sun-tan lotion on their noses and antennae, and sunning themselves on the balconies of the gyms. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK ANGLE ON: THE FLOWERS starting to DROOP. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE J-Gate is deserted. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 99. EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees sunning themselves. A TIMER DINGS, and they all turn over. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK TIME LAPSE of Central Park turning brown. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP CLOSE-UP SHOT: Vanessa writes “Sorry. No more flowers.” on a “Closed” sign, an turns it facing out. CUT TO: SEQ. 3700 - “IDLE HIVE” EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - DAY Barry flies at high speed. TRACKING SHOT into the hive, through the lobby of Honex, and into Adam’s office. CUT TO: INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Barry meets Adam in his office. Adam’s office is in disarray. There are papers everywhere. He’s filling up his cardboard hexagon box. BARRY (out of breath) Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. ADAM Oh yeah? BARRY What’s going on around here? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 100. ADAM (exiting with a cardboard box of belongings) No, they’re just home. They don’t know what to do. BARRY Hmmm. ADAM They’re laying out, they’re sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. BARRY At least we got our honey back. They walk through the empty factory. ADAM Yeah, but sometimes I think, so what if the humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world. I was excited to be a part of making it. ANGLE ON: Adam’s desk on it’s side in the hall. ADAM (CONT’D) This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now...and now I can’t. Adam EXITS. CUT TO: SEQ. 3900 - “WORLD WITHOUT BEES” INT. STAIRWELL Vanessa and Barry are walking up the stairs to the roof. BARRY I don’t understand why they’re not happy. We have so much now. I thought their lives would be better. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 101. VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing, honey really changes people. VANESSA You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? BARRY What did you want to show me? VANESSA This. They reach the top of the stairs. Vanessa opens the door. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS Barry sees Vanessa’s flower pots and small garden have all turned brown. BARRY What happened here? VANESSA That is not the half of it... Vanessa turns Barry around with her two fingers, revealing the view of Central Park, which is also all brown. BARRY Oh no. Oh my. They’re all wilting. VANESSA Doesn’t look very good, does it? BARRY No. VANESSA And who’s fault do you think that is? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 102. BARRY Mmmm...you know, I’m going to guess, bees. VANESSA Bees? BARRY Specifically me. I guess I didn’t think that bees not needing to make honey would affect all these other things. VANESSA And it’s not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables...they all need bees. BARRY Well, that’s our whole SAT test right there. VANESSA So, you take away the produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... BARRY The human species? VANESSA (clearing throat) Ahem! BARRY Oh. So, if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? VANESSA And I know this is also partly my fault. Barry takes a long SIGH. BARRY How about a suicide pact? VANESSA (not sure if he’s joking) How would we do it? BARRY I’ll sting you, you step on me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 103. VANESSA That just kills you twice. BARRY Right, right. VANESSA Listen Barry. Sorry but I’ve got to get going. She EXITS. BARRY (looking out over the park) Had to open my mouth and talk... (looking back) Vanessa..? Vanessa is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 3935 - “GOING TO PASADENA” EXT. NY STREET - CONTINUOUS Vanessa gets into a cab. Barry ENTERS. BARRY Vanessa. Why are you leaving? Where are you going? VANESSA To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They moved it up to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. BARRY Vanessa, I just want to say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. VANESSA I know. Me neither. Vanessa cab drives away. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 104. BARRY (chuckling to himself) Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute...roses. Roses? Roses!? Vanessa! Barry follows shortly after. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. Barry follows shortly after Vanessa’s cab. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS Barry motions for her to roll the window down. She does so. BARRY Roses?! VANESSA Barry? BARRY (as he flies next to the cab) Roses are flowers. VANESSA Yes, they are. BARRY Flowers, bees, pollen! VANESSA I know. That’s why this is the last parade. BARRY Maybe not. The cab starts pulling ahead of Barry. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: driver) Could you ask him to slow down? VANESSA Could you slow down? The cabs slows. Barry flies in the window, and lands in the change box, which closes on him. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 105. VANESSA (CONT'D) Barry! Vanessa lets him out. Barry stands on the change box, in front of the driver’s license. BARRY Okay, I made a huge mistake! This is a total disaster, and it’s all my fault! VANESSA Yes, it kind of is. BARRY I’ve ruined the planet. And, I wanted to help with your flower shop. Instead, I’ve made it worse. VANESSA Actually, it’s completely closed down. BARRY Oh, I thought maybe you were remodeling. Nonetheless, I have another idea. And it’s greater than all my previous great ideas combined. VANESSA I don’t want to hear it. Vanessa closes the change box on Barry. BARRY (opening it again) Alright, here’s what I’m thinking. They have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant, and flower bud in this park. All we’ve got to do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. VANESSA Bees... BARRY Park... VANESSA Pollen... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 106. BARRY Flowers... VANESSA Repollination! BARRY (on luggage handle, going up) Across the nation! CUT TO: SEQ. 3950 - “ROSE PARADE” EXT. PASADENA PARADE BARRY (V.O) Alright. Tournament of Roses. Pasadena, California. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats, and cotton candy. Security will be tight. VANESSA I have an idea. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA ANGLE ON: Barry and Vanessa approaching a HEAVILY ARMED GUARD in front of the staging area. VANESSA Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. He leans in to look at her badge. She SNAPS IT SHUT, VANESSA (CONT’D) Oh, it’s real. HEAVILY ARMED GUARD Sorry ma’am. That’s a nice brooch, by the way. VANESSA Thank you. It was a gift. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 107. They ENTER the staging area. BARRY (V.O) Then, once we’re inside, we just pick the right float. VANESSA How about the Princess and the Pea? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I can be the princess, and-- BARRY ...yes, I think-- VANESSA You could be-- BARRY I’ve-- VANESSA The pea. BARRY Got it. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER Barry, dressed as a PEA, flies up and hovers in front of the princess on the “Princess and the Pea” float. The float is sponsored by Inflat-a-bed and a SIGN READS: “Inflat-a-bed: If it blows, it’s ours.” BARRY Sorry I’m late. Where should I sit? PRINCESS What are you? BARRY I believe I’m the pea. PRINCESS The pea? It’s supposed to be under the mattresses. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 108. BARRY Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. PRINCESS I’m going to go talk to the marshall. BARRY You do that. This whole parade is a fiasco! She EXITS. Vanessa removes the step-ladder. The princess FALLS. Barry and Vanessa take off in the float. BARRY (CONT’D) Let’s see what this baby will do. ANGLE ON: Guy with headset talking to drivers. HEADSET GUY Hey! The float ZOOMS by. A young CHILD in the stands, TIMMY, cries. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER ANGLE ON: Vanessa putting the princess hat on. BARRY (V.O) Then all we do is blend in with traffic, without arousing suspicion. CUT TO: EXT. THE PARADE ROUTE - CONTINUOUS The floats go flying by the crowds. Barry and Vanessa’s float CRASHES through the fence. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 109. EXT. LA FREEWAY Vanessa and Barry speed, dodging and weaving, down the freeway. BARRY (V.O) And once we’re at the airport, there’s no stopping us. CUT TO: EXT. LAX AIRPORT Barry and Vanessa pull up to the curb, in front of an TSA AGENT WITH CLIPBOARD. TSA AGENT Stop. Security. Did you and your insect pack your own float? VANESSA (O.C) Yes. TSA AGENT Has this float been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA (O.C) Since the parade...yes. ANGLE ON: Barry holding his shoes. TSA AGENT Would you remove your shoes and everything in your pockets? Can you remove your stinger, Sir? BARRY That’s part of me. TSA AGENT I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Barry and Vanessa’s airplane TAKES OFF. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 110. BARRY (O.C) Then, if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 4025 - “COCKPIT FIGHT” INT. AIRPLANE Vanessa is on the aisle. Barry is on a laptop calculating flowers, pollen, number of bees, airspeed, etc. He does a “Stomp” dance on the keyboard. BARRY Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job. I think this is going to work, Vanessa. VANESSA It’s got to work. PILOT (V.O) Attention passengers. This is Captain Scott. I’m afraid we have a bit of bad weather in the New York area. And looks like we’re going to be experiencing a couple of hours delay. VANESSA Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. BARRY I’ve got to get up there and talk to these guys. VANESSA Be careful. Barry flies up to the cockpit door. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS A female flight attendant, ANGELA, is in the cockpit with the pilots. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 111. There’s a KNOCK at the door. BARRY (C.O) Hey, can I get some help with this Sky Mall Magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable travel pool filter. ANGELA (to the pilots, irritated) Excuse me. CUT TO: EXT. CABIN - CONTINUOUS Angela opens the cockpit door and looks around. She doesn’t see anybody. ANGLE ON: Barry hidden on the yellow and black “caution” stripe. As Angela looks around, Barry zips into the cockpit. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT BARRY Excuse me, Captain. I am in a real situation here... PILOT (pulling an earphone back, to the co-pilot) What did you say, Hal? CO-PILOT I didn’t say anything. PILOT (he sees Barry) Ahhh! Bee! BARRY No, no! Don’t freak out! There’s a chance my entire species-- CO-PILOT (taking off his earphones) Ahhh! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 112. The pilot grabs a “DUSTBUSTER” vacuum cleaner. He aims it around trying to vacuum up Barry. The co-pilot faces camera, as the pilot tries to suck Barry up. Barry is on the other side of the co-pilot. As they dosey-do, the toupee of the co-pilot begins to come up, still attached to the front. CO-PILOT (CONT'D) What are you doing? Stop! The toupee comes off the co-pilot’s head, and sticks in the Dustbuster. Barry runs across the bald head. BARRY Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! CO-PILOT Who’s an attorney? PILOT Don’t move. The pilot uses the Dustbuster to try and mash Barry, who is hovering in front of the co-pilot’s nose, and knocks out the co-pilot who falls out of his chair, hitting the life raft release button. The life raft inflates, hitting the pilot, knocking him into a wall and out cold. Barry surveys the situation. BARRY Oh, Barry. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN Vanessa studies her laptop, looking serious. SFX: PA CRACKLE. BARRY (V.O) (in captain voice) Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain speaking. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24F please report to the cockpit. And please hurry! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 113. ANGLE ON: The aisle, and Vanessa head popping up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA What happened here? BARRY I tried to talk to them, but then there was a Dustbuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded...Now one’s bald, one’s in a boat, and they’re both unconscious. VANESSA Is that another bee joke? BARRY No. No one’s flying the plane. The AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER, BUD, speaks over the radio. BUD This is JFK control tower. Flight 356, what’s your status? Vanessa presses a button, and the intercom comes on. VANESSA This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. BUD Where’s the pilot? VANESSA He’s unconscious and so is the copilot. BUD Not good. Is there anyone onboard who has flight experience? A BEAT. BARRY As a matter of fact, there is. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 114. BUD Who’s that? VANESSA Barry Benson. BUD From the honey trial? Oh great. BARRY Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. VANESSA I can’t fly a plane. BARRY Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA Yes? BARRY How hard could it be? VANESSA Wait a minute. Barry, we’re headed into some lightning. CUT TO: Vanessa shrugs, and takes the controls. SEQ. 4150 - “BARRY FLIES PLANE” INT. BENSON HOUSE The family is all huddled around the TV at the Benson house. ANGLE ON: TV. Bob Bumble is broadcasting. BOB BUMBLE This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK airport, where a very suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh off his stunning legal victory... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 115. Adam SPRAYS a can of HONEY-WHIP into his mouth. ADAM That’s Barry. BOB BUMBLE ...is now attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers, and an incapacitated flight crew. EVERYONE Flowers?! CUT TO: INT. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Well, we have an electrical storm in the area, and two individuals at the controls of a jumbo jet with absolutely no flight experience. JEANETTE CHUNG Just a minute, Mr. Ditchwater, there’s a honey bee on that plane. BUD Oh, I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson’s work, and his no-account compadres. Haven’t they done enough damage already? JEANETTE CHUNG But isn’t he your only hope right now? BUD Come on, technically a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT. Barry REACTS BUD The wings are too small, their bodies are too big-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 116. BARRY (over PA) Hey, hold on a second. Haven’t we heard this million times? The surface area of the wings, and the body mass doesn’t make sense? JEANETTE CHUNG Get this on the air. CAMERAMAN You got it! CUT TO: INT. BEE TV CONTROL ROOM An engineer throws a switch. BEE ENGINEER Stand by. We’re going live. The “ON AIR” sign illuminates. CUT TO: INT. VARIOUS SHOTS OF NEW HIVE CITY The news report plays on TV. The pollen jocks are sitting around, playing paddle-ball, Wheel-o, and one of them is spinning his helmet on his finger. Buzzwell is in an office cubicle, playing computer solitaire. Barry’s family and Adam watch from their living room. Bees sitting on the street curb turn around to watch the TV. BARRY Mr. Ditchwater, the way we work may be a mystery to you, because making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you something about a small job. If you do it really well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to doing what we do best. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 117. Working together. That’s the bee way. We’re not made of Jello. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. CROWD OF BEES Hello! CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry is giving orders to Vanessa. BARRY Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA Hover? BARRY Forget hover. VANESSA You know what? This isn’t so hard. Vanessa pretends to HONK THE HORN. VANESSA (CONT’D) Beep, beep! Beep, beep! A BOLT OF LIGHTNING HITS the plane. The plane takes a sharp dip. VANESSA (CONT’D) Barry, what happened? BARRY (noticing the control panel) Wait a minute. I think we were on autopilot that whole time. VANESSA That may have been helping me. BARRY And now we’re not! VANESSA (V.O.) (folding her arms) Well, then it turns out I cannot fly a plane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 118. BARRY (CONT'D) Vanessa struggles with the yoke. CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE The airplane goes into a steep dive. CUT TO: SEQ. 4175 - “CRASH LANDING” INT. J-GATE An ALERT SIGN READING: “Hive Alert. We Need:” Then the SIGNAL goes from “Two Bees” “Some Bees” “Every Bee There Is” Lou Loduca gathers the pollen jocks at J-Gate. LOU LODUCA All of you, let’s get behind this fellow. Move it out! The bees follow Lou Loduca, and EXIT J-Gate. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Our only chance is if I do what I would do, and you copy me with the wings of the plane! VANESSA You don’t have to yell. BARRY I’m not yelling. We happen to be in a lot of trouble here. VANESSA It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice. BARRY It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 119. EXT. JFK AIRPORT ANGLE ON: The bees arriving and massing at the airport. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry and Vanessa alternately SLAP EACH OTHER IN THE FACE. VANESSA I don’t think I can do this. BARRY Vanessa, pull yourself together. Listen to me, you have got to snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE A GIGANTIC SWARM OF BEES flies in to hold the plane up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 120. BARRY You snap-- VANESSA Hold it! BARRY (about to slap her again) Why? Come on, it’s my turn. VANESSA How is the plane flying? Barry’s antennae ring. BARRY I don’t know. (answering) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE ANGLE ON: The underside of the plane. The pollen jocks have massed all around the underbelly of the plane, and are holding it up. LOU LODUCA Hey Benson, have you got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Lou, Buzz, Splitz, and Jackson come up alongside the cockpit. BARRY The pollen jocks! VANESSA They do get behind a fellow. BARRY Black and yellow. LOU LODUCA (over headset) Hello. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 121. Alright you two, what do you say we drop this tin can on the blacktop? VANESSA What blacktop? Where? I can’t see anything. Can you? BARRY No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Adam SHOUTS. ADAM Come on, you’ve got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee, thinking bee. ANGLE ON: Overhead shot of runway. The bees are in the formation of a flower. In unison they move, causing the flower to FLASH YELLOW AND BLACK. BEES (chanting) Thinking bee, thinking bee. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT We see through the swirling mist and clouds. A GIANT SHAPE OF A FLOWER is forming in the middle of the runway. BARRY Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. VANESSA What? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s strong. And it’s pulling me, like a 27 million year old instinct. Bring the nose of the plane down. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 122. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) EXT. RUNWAY All the bees are on the runway chanting “Thinking Bee”. CUT TO: INT. CONTROL TOWER RICK What in the world is on the tarmac? ANGLE ON: Dave OTS onto runway seeing a flower being formed by millions of bees. BUD Get some lights on that! CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY ANGLE ON: AIRCRAFT LANDING LIGHT SCAFFOLD by the side of the runway, illuminating the bees in their flower formation. INT. COCKPIT BARRY Vanessa, aim for the flower! VANESSA Oh, okay? BARRY Cut the engines! VANESSA Cut the engines? BARRY We’re going in on bee power. Ready boys? LOU LODUCA Affirmative. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 123. INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Good, good, easy now. Land on that flower! Ready boys? Give me full reverse. LOU LODUCA Spin it around! The plane attempts to land on top of an “Aloha Airlines” plane with flowers painted on it. BARRY (V.O) I mean the giant black and yellow pulsating flower made of millions of bees! VANESSA Which flower? BARRY That flower! VANESSA I’m aiming at the flower! The plane goes after a FAT GUY IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. BARRY (V.O) That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt! The other other flower! The big one. He snaps a photo and runs away. BARRY (CONT'D) Full forward. Ready boys? Nose down. Bring your tail up. Rotate around it. VANESSA Oh, this is insane, Barry. BARRY This is the only way I know how to fly. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 124. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Am I koo-koo kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY BARRY (V.O) Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid of it. Smell it. Full reverse! Easy, just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in. Drop it in, woman! The plane HOVERS and MANEUVERS, landing in the center of the giant flower, like a bee. The FLOWERS from the cargo hold spill out onto the runway. INT. AIPLANE CABIN The passengers are motionless for a beat. PASSENGER Come on already! They hear the “ding ding”, and all jump up to grab their luggage out of the overheads. SEQ. 4225 - “RUNWAY SPEECH” EXT. RUNWAY - CONTINUOUS The INFLATABLE SLIDES pop out the side of the plane. The passengers escape. Barry and Vanessa slide down out of the cockpit. Barry and Vanessa exhale a huge breath. VANESSA Barry, we did it. You taught me how to fly. Vanessa raises her hand up for a high five. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 125. BARRY Yes. No high five. VANESSA Right. ADAM Barry, it worked. Did you see the giant flower? BARRY What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius, man. Genius! ADAM Thank you. BARRY But we’re not done yet. Barry flies up to the wing of the plane, and addresses the bee crowd. BARRY (CONT’D) Listen everyone. This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this. If we’re going to survive as a species, this is our moment. So what do you all say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History key chains? BEES We’re bees! KEYCHAIN BEE Keychain! BARRY Then follow me... Except Keychain. BUZZ Hold on Barry. You’ve earned this. Buzz puts a pollen jock jacket and helmet with Barry’s name on it on Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 126. BARRY I’m a pollen jock! (looking at the jacket. The sleeves are a little long) And it’s a perfect fit. All I’ve got to do are the sleeves. The Pollen Jocks toss Barry a gun. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh yeah! ANGLE ON: Martin and Janet Benson. JANET BENSON That’s our Barry. All the bees descend upon the flowers on the tarmac, and start collecting pollen. CUT TO: SEQ. 4250 - “RE-POLLINATION” EXT. SKIES - CONTINUOUS The squadron FLIES over the city, REPOLLINATING trees and flowers as they go. Barry breaks off from the group, towards Vanessa’s flower shop. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Barry REPOLLINATES Vanessa’s flowers. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Timmy with a frisbee, as the bees fly by. TIMMY Mom, the bees are back! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 127. Central Park is completely repollinated by the bees. DISSOLVE TO: INT. HONEX - CONTINUOUS Honex is back to normal and everyone is busily working. ANGLE ON: Adam, putting his Krelman hat on. ADAM If anyone needs to make a call, now’s the time. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! The bees CHEER. CUT TO: SEQ. 4355 EXT: VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP With a new sign out front. “Vanessa & Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice” DISSOLVE TO: INT: FLOWER COUNTER Vanessa doing a brisk trade with many customers. CUT TO: INT: FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Vanessa is selling flowers. In the background, there are SHELVES STOCKED WITH HONEY. VANESSA (O.C.) Don’t forget these. Have a great afternoon. Yes, can I help who’s next? Who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is beeapproved. SIGN ON THE BACK ROOM DOOR READS: “Barry Benson: Insects at Law”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 128. Camera moves into the back room. ANGLE ON: Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry’s COW CLIENT. COW Milk, cream, cheese...it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel. BARRY Uh huh? Uh huh? COW (breaking down) Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat. BARRY I had no idea. VANESSA Barry? I’m sorry, have you got a moment? BARRY Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate here will be able to help you. Mooseblood ENTERS. MOOSEBLOOD Sorry I’m late. COW He’s a lawyer too? MOOSEBLOOD Ma’am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was * a briefcase. * ANGLE ON: Flower Counter. VANESSA (to customer) Have a great afternoon! (to Barry) Barry, I just got this huge tulip order for a wedding, and I can’t get them anywhere. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 129. BARRY Not a problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. Vanessa turns back to deal with a customer. VANESSA You’re a life-saver, Barry. (to the next customer) Can I help who’s next? Who’s next? ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling back at Barry. Barry smiles too, then snaps himself out of it. BARRY (speaks into his antennae) Alright. Scramble jocks, it’s time to fly! VANESSA Thank you, Barry! EXT. FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy walking down the street. KEN (noticing the new sign) Augh! What in the world? It’s that bee again! ANDY (guiding Ken protectively) Let it go, Kenny. KEN That bee is living my life! When will this nightmare end? ANDY Let it all go. They don’t break stride. ANGLE ON: Camera in front of Barry as he flies out the door and up into the sky. Pollen jocks fold in formation behind him as they zoom into the park. BARRY (to Splitz) Beautiful day to fly. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 130. JACKSON Sure is. BARRY Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. FADE OUT: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 131.
cfpb / Idea BoxAn application that lets an organization collect ideas, comment on them, and vote them up.
Surya-Murali / Real Time Object Detection With OpenCVThis project aims to do real-time object detection through a laptop cam using OpenCV. The idea is to loop over each frame of the video stream, detect objects, and bound each detection in a box.
rramatchandran / Big O Performance Java# big-o-performance A simple html app to demonstrate performance costs of data structures. - Clone the project - Navigate to the root of the project in a termina or command prompt - Run 'npm install' - Run 'npm start' - Go to the URL specified in the terminal or command prompt to try out the app. # This app was created from the Create React App NPM. Below are instructions from that project. Below you will find some information on how to perform common tasks. You can find the most recent version of this guide [here](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/template/README.md). ## Table of Contents - [Updating to New Releases](#updating-to-new-releases) - [Sending Feedback](#sending-feedback) - [Folder Structure](#folder-structure) - [Available Scripts](#available-scripts) - [npm start](#npm-start) - [npm run build](#npm-run-build) - [npm run eject](#npm-run-eject) - [Displaying Lint Output in the Editor](#displaying-lint-output-in-the-editor) - [Installing a Dependency](#installing-a-dependency) - [Importing a Component](#importing-a-component) - [Adding a Stylesheet](#adding-a-stylesheet) - [Post-Processing CSS](#post-processing-css) - [Adding Images and Fonts](#adding-images-and-fonts) - [Adding Bootstrap](#adding-bootstrap) - [Adding Flow](#adding-flow) - [Adding Custom Environment Variables](#adding-custom-environment-variables) - [Integrating with a Node Backend](#integrating-with-a-node-backend) - [Proxying API Requests in Development](#proxying-api-requests-in-development) - [Deployment](#deployment) - [Now](#now) - [Heroku](#heroku) - [Surge](#surge) - [GitHub Pages](#github-pages) - [Something Missing?](#something-missing) ## Updating to New Releases Create React App is divided into two packages: * `create-react-app` is a global command-line utility that you use to create new projects. * `react-scripts` is a development dependency in the generated projects (including this one). You almost never need to update `create-react-app` itself: it’s delegates all the setup to `react-scripts`. When you run `create-react-app`, it always creates the project with the latest version of `react-scripts` so you’ll get all the new features and improvements in newly created apps automatically. To update an existing project to a new version of `react-scripts`, [open the changelog](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/CHANGELOG.md), find the version you’re currently on (check `package.json` in this folder if you’re not sure), and apply the migration instructions for the newer versions. In most cases bumping the `react-scripts` version in `package.json` and running `npm install` in this folder should be enough, but it’s good to consult the [changelog](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/CHANGELOG.md) for potential breaking changes. We commit to keeping the breaking changes minimal so you can upgrade `react-scripts` painlessly. ## Sending Feedback We are always open to [your feedback](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues). ## Folder Structure After creation, your project should look like this: ``` my-app/ README.md index.html favicon.ico node_modules/ package.json src/ App.css App.js index.css index.js logo.svg ``` For the project to build, **these files must exist with exact filenames**: * `index.html` is the page template; * `favicon.ico` is the icon you see in the browser tab; * `src/index.js` is the JavaScript entry point. You can delete or rename the other files. You may create subdirectories inside `src`. For faster rebuilds, only files inside `src` are processed by Webpack. You need to **put any JS and CSS files inside `src`**, or Webpack won’t see them. You can, however, create more top-level directories. They will not be included in the production build so you can use them for things like documentation. ## Available Scripts In the project directory, you can run: ### `npm start` Runs the app in the development mode.<br> Open [http://localhost:3000](http://localhost:3000) to view it in the browser. The page will reload if you make edits.<br> You will also see any lint errors in the console. ### `npm run build` Builds the app for production to the `build` folder.<br> It correctly bundles React in production mode and optimizes the build for the best performance. The build is minified and the filenames include the hashes.<br> Your app is ready to be deployed! ### `npm run eject` **Note: this is a one-way operation. Once you `eject`, you can’t go back!** If you aren’t satisfied with the build tool and configuration choices, you can `eject` at any time. This command will remove the single build dependency from your project. Instead, it will copy all the configuration files and the transitive dependencies (Webpack, Babel, ESLint, etc) right into your project so you have full control over them. All of the commands except `eject` will still work, but they will point to the copied scripts so you can tweak them. At this point you’re on your own. You don’t have to ever use `eject`. The curated feature set is suitable for small and middle deployments, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to use this feature. However we understand that this tool wouldn’t be useful if you couldn’t customize it when you are ready for it. ## Displaying Lint Output in the Editor >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher. Some editors, including Sublime Text, Atom, and Visual Studio Code, provide plugins for ESLint. They are not required for linting. You should see the linter output right in your terminal as well as the browser console. However, if you prefer the lint results to appear right in your editor, there are some extra steps you can do. You would need to install an ESLint plugin for your editor first. >**A note for Atom `linter-eslint` users** >If you are using the Atom `linter-eslint` plugin, make sure that **Use global ESLint installation** option is checked: ><img src="http://i.imgur.com/yVNNHJM.png" width="300"> Then make sure `package.json` of your project ends with this block: ```js { // ... "eslintConfig": { "extends": "./node_modules/react-scripts/config/eslint.js" } } ``` Projects generated with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher should already have it. If you don’t need ESLint integration with your editor, you can safely delete those three lines from your `package.json`. Finally, you will need to install some packages *globally*: ```sh npm install -g eslint babel-eslint eslint-plugin-react eslint-plugin-import eslint-plugin-jsx-a11y eslint-plugin-flowtype ``` We recognize that this is suboptimal, but it is currently required due to the way we hide the ESLint dependency. The ESLint team is already [working on a solution to this](https://github.com/eslint/eslint/issues/3458) so this may become unnecessary in a couple of months. ## Installing a Dependency The generated project includes React and ReactDOM as dependencies. It also includes a set of scripts used by Create React App as a development dependency. You may install other dependencies (for example, React Router) with `npm`: ``` npm install --save <library-name> ``` ## Importing a Component This project setup supports ES6 modules thanks to Babel. While you can still use `require()` and `module.exports`, we encourage you to use [`import` and `export`](http://exploringjs.com/es6/ch_modules.html) instead. For example: ### `Button.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; class Button extends Component { render() { // ... } } export default Button; // Don’t forget to use export default! ``` ### `DangerButton.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; import Button from './Button'; // Import a component from another file class DangerButton extends Component { render() { return <Button color="red" />; } } export default DangerButton; ``` Be aware of the [difference between default and named exports](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/36795819/react-native-es-6-when-should-i-use-curly-braces-for-import/36796281#36796281). It is a common source of mistakes. We suggest that you stick to using default imports and exports when a module only exports a single thing (for example, a component). That’s what you get when you use `export default Button` and `import Button from './Button'`. Named exports are useful for utility modules that export several functions. A module may have at most one default export and as many named exports as you like. Learn more about ES6 modules: * [When to use the curly braces?](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/36795819/react-native-es-6-when-should-i-use-curly-braces-for-import/36796281#36796281) * [Exploring ES6: Modules](http://exploringjs.com/es6/ch_modules.html) * [Understanding ES6: Modules](https://leanpub.com/understandinges6/read#leanpub-auto-encapsulating-code-with-modules) ## Adding a Stylesheet This project setup uses [Webpack](https://webpack.github.io/) for handling all assets. Webpack offers a custom way of “extending” the concept of `import` beyond JavaScript. To express that a JavaScript file depends on a CSS file, you need to **import the CSS from the JavaScript file**: ### `Button.css` ```css .Button { padding: 20px; } ``` ### `Button.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; import './Button.css'; // Tell Webpack that Button.js uses these styles class Button extends Component { render() { // You can use them as regular CSS styles return <div className="Button" />; } } ``` **This is not required for React** but many people find this feature convenient. You can read about the benefits of this approach [here](https://medium.com/seek-ui-engineering/block-element-modifying-your-javascript-components-d7f99fcab52b). However you should be aware that this makes your code less portable to other build tools and environments than Webpack. In development, expressing dependencies this way allows your styles to be reloaded on the fly as you edit them. In production, all CSS files will be concatenated into a single minified `.css` file in the build output. If you are concerned about using Webpack-specific semantics, you can put all your CSS right into `src/index.css`. It would still be imported from `src/index.js`, but you could always remove that import if you later migrate to a different build tool. ## Post-Processing CSS This project setup minifies your CSS and adds vendor prefixes to it automatically through [Autoprefixer](https://github.com/postcss/autoprefixer) so you don’t need to worry about it. For example, this: ```css .App { display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center; } ``` becomes this: ```css .App { display: -webkit-box; display: -ms-flexbox; display: flex; -webkit-box-orient: horizontal; -webkit-box-direction: normal; -ms-flex-direction: row; flex-direction: row; -webkit-box-align: center; -ms-flex-align: center; align-items: center; } ``` There is currently no support for preprocessors such as Less, or for sharing variables across CSS files. ## Adding Images and Fonts With Webpack, using static assets like images and fonts works similarly to CSS. You can **`import` an image right in a JavaScript module**. This tells Webpack to include that image in the bundle. Unlike CSS imports, importing an image or a font gives you a string value. This value is the final image path you can reference in your code. Here is an example: ```js import React from 'react'; import logo from './logo.png'; // Tell Webpack this JS file uses this image console.log(logo); // /logo.84287d09.png function Header() { // Import result is the URL of your image return <img src={logo} alt="Logo" />; } export default function Header; ``` This works in CSS too: ```css .Logo { background-image: url(./logo.png); } ``` Webpack finds all relative module references in CSS (they start with `./`) and replaces them with the final paths from the compiled bundle. If you make a typo or accidentally delete an important file, you will see a compilation error, just like when you import a non-existent JavaScript module. The final filenames in the compiled bundle are generated by Webpack from content hashes. If the file content changes in the future, Webpack will give it a different name in production so you don’t need to worry about long-term caching of assets. Please be advised that this is also a custom feature of Webpack. **It is not required for React** but many people enjoy it (and React Native uses a similar mechanism for images). However it may not be portable to some other environments, such as Node.js and Browserify. If you prefer to reference static assets in a more traditional way outside the module system, please let us know [in this issue](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues/28), and we will consider support for this. ## Adding Bootstrap You don’t have to use [React Bootstrap](https://react-bootstrap.github.io) together with React but it is a popular library for integrating Bootstrap with React apps. If you need it, you can integrate it with Create React App by following these steps: Install React Bootstrap and Bootstrap from NPM. React Bootstrap does not include Bootstrap CSS so this needs to be installed as well: ``` npm install react-bootstrap --save npm install bootstrap@3 --save ``` Import Bootstrap CSS and optionally Bootstrap theme CSS in the ```src/index.js``` file: ```js import 'bootstrap/dist/css/bootstrap.css'; import 'bootstrap/dist/css/bootstrap-theme.css'; ``` Import required React Bootstrap components within ```src/App.js``` file or your custom component files: ```js import { Navbar, Jumbotron, Button } from 'react-bootstrap'; ``` Now you are ready to use the imported React Bootstrap components within your component hierarchy defined in the render method. Here is an example [`App.js`](https://gist.githubusercontent.com/gaearon/85d8c067f6af1e56277c82d19fd4da7b/raw/6158dd991b67284e9fc8d70b9d973efe87659d72/App.js) redone using React Bootstrap. ## Adding Flow Flow typing is currently [not supported out of the box](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues/72) with the default `.flowconfig` generated by Flow. If you run it, you might get errors like this: ```js node_modules/fbjs/lib/Deferred.js.flow:60 60: Promise.prototype.done.apply(this._promise, arguments); ^^^^ property `done`. Property not found in 495: declare class Promise<+R> { ^ Promise. See lib: /private/tmp/flow/flowlib_34952d31/core.js:495 node_modules/fbjs/lib/shallowEqual.js.flow:29 29: return x !== 0 || 1 / (x: $FlowIssue) === 1 / (y: $FlowIssue); ^^^^^^^^^^ identifier `$FlowIssue`. Could not resolve name src/App.js:3 3: import logo from './logo.svg'; ^^^^^^^^^^^^ ./logo.svg. Required module not found src/App.js:4 4: import './App.css'; ^^^^^^^^^^^ ./App.css. Required module not found src/index.js:5 5: import './index.css'; ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ./index.css. Required module not found ``` To fix this, change your `.flowconfig` to look like this: ```ini [libs] ./node_modules/fbjs/flow/lib [options] esproposal.class_static_fields=enable esproposal.class_instance_fields=enable module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.css$' -> 'react-scripts/config/flow/css' module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.\(jpg\|png\|gif\|eot\|otf\|webp\|svg\|ttf\|woff\|woff2\|mp4\|webm\)$' -> 'react-scripts/config/flow/file' suppress_type=$FlowIssue suppress_type=$FlowFixMe ``` Re-run flow, and you shouldn’t get any extra issues. If you later `eject`, you’ll need to replace `react-scripts` references with the `<PROJECT_ROOT>` placeholder, for example: ```ini module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.css$' -> '<PROJECT_ROOT>/config/flow/css' module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.\(jpg\|png\|gif\|eot\|otf\|webp\|svg\|ttf\|woff\|woff2\|mp4\|webm\)$' -> '<PROJECT_ROOT>/config/flow/file' ``` We will consider integrating more tightly with Flow in the future so that you don’t have to do this. ## Adding Custom Environment Variables >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.3` and higher. Your project can consume variables declared in your environment as if they were declared locally in your JS files. By default you will have `NODE_ENV` defined for you, and any other environment variables starting with `REACT_APP_`. These environment variables will be defined for you on `process.env`. For example, having an environment variable named `REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE` will be exposed in your JS as `process.env.REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE`, in addition to `process.env.NODE_ENV`. These environment variables can be useful for displaying information conditionally based on where the project is deployed or consuming sensitive data that lives outside of version control. First, you need to have environment variables defined, which can vary between OSes. For example, let's say you wanted to consume a secret defined in the environment inside a `<form>`: ```jsx render() { return ( <div> <small>You are running this application in <b>{process.env.NODE_ENV}</b> mode.</small> <form> <input type="hidden" defaultValue={process.env.REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE} /> </form> </div> ); } ``` The above form is looking for a variable called `REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE` from the environment. In order to consume this value, we need to have it defined in the environment: ### Windows (cmd.exe) ```cmd set REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE=abcdef&&npm start ``` (Note: the lack of whitespace is intentional.) ### Linux, OS X (Bash) ```bash REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE=abcdef npm start ``` > Note: Defining environment variables in this manner is temporary for the life of the shell session. Setting permanent environment variables is outside the scope of these docs. With our environment variable defined, we start the app and consume the values. Remember that the `NODE_ENV` variable will be set for you automatically. When you load the app in the browser and inspect the `<input>`, you will see its value set to `abcdef`, and the bold text will show the environment provided when using `npm start`: ```html <div> <small>You are running this application in <b>development</b> mode.</small> <form> <input type="hidden" value="abcdef" /> </form> </div> ``` Having access to the `NODE_ENV` is also useful for performing actions conditionally: ```js if (process.env.NODE_ENV !== 'production') { analytics.disable(); } ``` ## Integrating with a Node Backend Check out [this tutorial](https://www.fullstackreact.com/articles/using-create-react-app-with-a-server/) for instructions on integrating an app with a Node backend running on another port, and using `fetch()` to access it. You can find the companion GitHub repository [here](https://github.com/fullstackreact/food-lookup-demo). ## Proxying API Requests in Development >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.3` and higher. People often serve the front-end React app from the same host and port as their backend implementation. For example, a production setup might look like this after the app is deployed: ``` / - static server returns index.html with React app /todos - static server returns index.html with React app /api/todos - server handles any /api/* requests using the backend implementation ``` Such setup is **not** required. However, if you **do** have a setup like this, it is convenient to write requests like `fetch('/api/todos')` without worrying about redirecting them to another host or port during development. To tell the development server to proxy any unknown requests to your API server in development, add a `proxy` field to your `package.json`, for example: ```js "proxy": "http://localhost:4000", ``` This way, when you `fetch('/api/todos')` in development, the development server will recognize that it’s not a static asset, and will proxy your request to `http://localhost:4000/api/todos` as a fallback. Conveniently, this avoids [CORS issues](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/21854516/understanding-ajax-cors-and-security-considerations) and error messages like this in development: ``` Fetch API cannot load http://localhost:4000/api/todos. No 'Access-Control-Allow-Origin' header is present on the requested resource. Origin 'http://localhost:3000' is therefore not allowed access. If an opaque response serves your needs, set the request's mode to 'no-cors' to fetch the resource with CORS disabled. ``` Keep in mind that `proxy` only has effect in development (with `npm start`), and it is up to you to ensure that URLs like `/api/todos` point to the right thing in production. You don’t have to use the `/api` prefix. Any unrecognized request will be redirected to the specified `proxy`. Currently the `proxy` option only handles HTTP requests, and it won’t proxy WebSocket connections. If the `proxy` option is **not** flexible enough for you, alternatively you can: * Enable CORS on your server ([here’s how to do it for Express](http://enable-cors.org/server_expressjs.html)). * Use [environment variables](#adding-custom-environment-variables) to inject the right server host and port into your app. ## Deployment By default, Create React App produces a build assuming your app is hosted at the server root. To override this, specify the `homepage` in your `package.json`, for example: ```js "homepage": "http://mywebsite.com/relativepath", ``` This will let Create React App correctly infer the root path to use in the generated HTML file. ### Now See [this example](https://github.com/xkawi/create-react-app-now) for a zero-configuration single-command deployment with [now](https://zeit.co/now). ### Heroku Use the [Heroku Buildpack for Create React App](https://github.com/mars/create-react-app-buildpack). You can find instructions in [Deploying React with Zero Configuration](https://blog.heroku.com/deploying-react-with-zero-configuration). ### Surge Install the Surge CLI if you haven't already by running `npm install -g surge`. Run the `surge` command and log in you or create a new account. You just need to specify the *build* folder and your custom domain, and you are done. ```sh email: email@domain.com password: ******** project path: /path/to/project/build size: 7 files, 1.8 MB domain: create-react-app.surge.sh upload: [====================] 100%, eta: 0.0s propagate on CDN: [====================] 100% plan: Free users: email@domain.com IP Address: X.X.X.X Success! Project is published and running at create-react-app.surge.sh ``` Note that in order to support routers that use html5 `pushState` API, you may want to rename the `index.html` in your build folder to `200.html` before deploying to Surge. This [ensures that every URL falls back to that file](https://surge.sh/help/adding-a-200-page-for-client-side-routing). ### GitHub Pages >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher. Open your `package.json` and add a `homepage` field: ```js "homepage": "http://myusername.github.io/my-app", ``` **The above step is important!** Create React App uses the `homepage` field to determine the root URL in the built HTML file. Now, whenever you run `npm run build`, you will see a cheat sheet with a sequence of commands to deploy to GitHub pages: ```sh git commit -am "Save local changes" git checkout -B gh-pages git add -f build git commit -am "Rebuild website" git filter-branch -f --prune-empty --subdirectory-filter build git push -f origin gh-pages git checkout - ``` You may copy and paste them, or put them into a custom shell script. You may also customize them for another hosting provider. Note that GitHub Pages doesn't support routers that use the HTML5 `pushState` history API under the hood (for example, React Router using `browserHistory`). This is because when there is a fresh page load for a url like `http://user.github.io/todomvc/todos/42`, where `/todos/42` is a frontend route, the GitHub Pages server returns 404 because it knows nothing of `/todos/42`. If you want to add a router to a project hosted on GitHub Pages, here are a couple of solutions: * You could switch from using HTML5 history API to routing with hashes. If you use React Router, you can switch to `hashHistory` for this effect, but the URL will be longer and more verbose (for example, `http://user.github.io/todomvc/#/todos/42?_k=yknaj`). [Read more](https://github.com/reactjs/react-router/blob/master/docs/guides/Histories.md#histories) about different history implementations in React Router. * Alternatively, you can use a trick to teach GitHub Pages to handle 404 by redirecting to your `index.html` page with a special redirect parameter. You would need to add a `404.html` file with the redirection code to the `build` folder before deploying your project, and you’ll need to add code handling the redirect parameter to `index.html`. You can find a detailed explanation of this technique [in this guide](https://github.com/rafrex/spa-github-pages). ## Something Missing? If you have ideas for more “How To” recipes that should be on this page, [let us know](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues) or [contribute some!](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/edit/master/template/README.md)
MarkipTheMudkip / In Class Project 2According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to SergeiK.
rprokap / EntremanureOnce upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What? TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. DULOC - KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man. The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly) DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink? SHREK Yes - - No! DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No! DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. SHREK I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. DONKEY You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. SHREK You know, I think I preferred your humming. DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. DRAGON'S KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. (laughs...then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye. DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean. SHREK You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really, really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don't look down. DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you're already halfway. DONKEY But I know that half is safe! SHREK Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? (bounces and sways the bridge) DONKEY Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY Yes, that! SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You said do it! I'm doin' it. DONKEY I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But... SHREK Shh. DONKEY Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. SHREK Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. DONKEY Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. SHREK (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY What makes you think she'll be there? SHREK I read it in a book once. (walks off) DONKEY Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. (walks off) EMPTY ROOM Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. DONKEY I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. ELSEWHERE Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window. SHREK Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... DONKEY (os) Dragon! Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire. SHREK Donkey, look out! (he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on) Got ya! The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor. DONKEY Oh! Aah! Aah! Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on. DONKEY No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, what large teeth you have. (the dragon growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. (the dragon begins fluttering her eyes at him) What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him up with her teeth and carries him off) No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA'S ROOM Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. FIONA Oh! Oh! SHREK Wake up! FIONA What? SHREK Are you Princess Fiona? FIONA I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. SHREK Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! FIONA But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. FIONA Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. SHREK You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? FIONA (smiles) Mm-hmm. Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. FIONA But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! SHREK I don't think so. FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion? SHREK Uh, Shrek. FIONA Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds out a handkerchief) I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. SHREK Thanks! Suddenly they hear the dragon roar. FIONA (surprised)You didn't slay the dragon? SHREK It's on my to-do list. Now come on! (takes off running and drags Fiona behind him.) FIONA But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. SHREK Yeah, right before they burst into flame. FIONA That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.) Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. SHREK Well, I have to save my ass. FIONA What kind of knight are you? SHREK One of a kind. (opens the door into the throne room) DONKEY (os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs worriedly) (we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room) I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. DONKEY Hi, Princess! FIONA It talks! SHREK Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. SHREK Oh! Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. SHREK Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. SHREK (echoing) Run! They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away. FIONA (sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. (behind her Donkey falls down the hill) You're - - You're wonderful. You're... (turns and sees Shrek fall down the hill and bump into Donkey) a little unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears his throat.) And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? DONKEY I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. FIONA The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. SHREK Uh, no. FIONA Why not? SHREK I have helmet hair. FIONA Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. SHREK No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. FIONA But how will you kiss me? SHREK What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the job description. DONKEY Maybe it's a perk. FIONA No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. DONKEY Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? FIONA Well, yes. Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing. DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love! FIONA What is so funny? SHREK Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. SHREK Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. FIONA Just take off the helmet. SHREK I'm not going to. FIONA Take it off. SHREK No! FIONA Now! SHREK Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. (takes off his helmet) FIONA You- - You're a- - an ogre. SHREK Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. FIONA Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. FIONA Then why didn't he come rescue me? SHREK Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. FIONA But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. DONKEY Well, so much for noble steed. SHREK You're not making my job any easier. FIONA I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. SHREK Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. (he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes) FIONA You wouldn't dare. Put me down! SHREK Ya comin', Donkey? DONKEY I'm right behind ya. FIONA Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! WOODS A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. DONKEY Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? FIONA You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your...(Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. DONKEY You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! FIONA And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? SHREK Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. DONKEY I don't know. There are those who think little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. FIONA (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? SHREK No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. FIONA But there's robbers in the woods. DONKEY Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. SHREK Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now! Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her. MOUNTAIN CLIFF Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. SHREK Hey! Over here. DONKEY Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. FIONA No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. SHREK Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.) FIONA A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her) DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. FIONA (os) I said good night! Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside. DONKEY Shrek, What are you doing? SHREK (laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. LATER THAT NIGHT Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. DONKEY Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? SHREK The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. DONKEY I know you're making this up. SHREK No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. DONKEY That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. SHREK You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. DONKEY (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp? DONKEY You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. SHREK We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. SHREK No, do ya think? DONKEY Are you hidin' something? SHREK Never mind, Donkey. DONKEY Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? SHREK No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. DONKEY Why don't you want to talk about it? SHREK Why do you want to talk about it? DONKEY Why are you blocking? SHREK I'm not blocking. DONKEY Oh, yes, you are. SHREK Donkey, I'm warning you. DONKEY Who you trying to keep out? SHREK Everyone! Okay? DONKEY (pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. (grins) At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down) DONKEY What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? SHREK Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. DONKEY You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. SHREK Yeah, I know. DONKEY So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? SHREK Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Fiona puts the door back. SHREK That's the moon. DONKEY Oh, okay. DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. MIRROR Hmph. The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. FARQUAAD Ah. Perfect. Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror. MORNING Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking in his sleep. DONKEY (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. SHREK Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) DONKEY Huh? What? SHREK Wake up. DONKEY What? (stretches and yawns) FIONA Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? DONKEY Oh, good morning, Princess! Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. SHREK What's all this about? FIONA You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. SHREK Uh, thanks. Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. FIONA Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) LATER They are once again on their way. They are walking through the forest. Shrek belches. DONKEY Shrek! SHREK What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. (laughs) DONKEY Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. Fiona belches FIONA Thanks. DONKEY She's as nasty as you are. SHREK (chuckles) You know, you're not exactly what I expected. FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey! SHREK Princess! FIONA (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust)...beast. SHREK Hey! That's my princess! Go find you own! ROBIN HOOD Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? FIONA (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! ROBIN HOOD Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. (laughs) Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song. MERRY MEN Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy. MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage, ROBIN HOOD But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good. MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood. ROBIN HOOD Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid... MERRY MEN What he's basically saying is he likes to get... ROBIN HOOD Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad. MERRY MEN That's bad. ROBIN HOOD When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. MERRY MEN He's mad, he's really, really mad. ROBIN HOOD I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start... There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious. FIONA Man, that was annoying! Shrek looks at her in admiration. MERRY MAN Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way) The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree. Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away. FIONA Uh, shall we? SHREK Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? FIONA What? SHREK That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? FIONA Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...(gasps and points) there's an arrow in your butt! SHREK What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it's tender) FIONA Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. DONKEY (walking up) Why? What's wrong? FIONA Shrek's hurt. DONKEY Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. SHREK Donkey, I'm okay. DONKEY You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK & FIONA Donkey! DONKEY Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) SHREK What are the flowers for? FIONA (like it's obvious) For getting rid of Donkey. SHREK Ah. FIONA Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. (gives the arrow a little pull) SHREK (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands. FIONA I'm sorry, but it has to come out. SHREK No, it's tender. FIONA Now, hold on. SHREK What you're doing is the opposite of help. FIONA Don't move. SHREK Look, time out. FIONA Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow) Okay. What do you propose we do? ELSEWHERE Donkey is still looking for the special flower. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK (os) Ow! DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns) THE FOREST PATH SHREK Ow! Not good. FIONA Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. (Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just about... SHREK Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him) DONKEY Ahem. SHREK (throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - DONKEY Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile) Ow! DONKEY Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) That's...is that blood? Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc. WINDMILL SHREK There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. FIONA That's DuLoc? DONKEY Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really...(Shrek steps on his hoof) Ow! SHREK Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. FIONA Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. SHREK What? FIONA I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. DONKEY What are you talking about? I'm fine. FIONA (kneels to look him in the eyes) That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. (pause) Dead. SHREK You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? FIONA Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. DONKEY I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, (turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways) Ow! See? SHREK Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. FIONA I'll get the firewood. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. SUNSET Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats. FIONA Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. FIONA No kidding. Well, this is delicious. SHREK Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles) Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs. FIONA I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. FIONA (smiles) I'd like that. They smiles at each other. SHREK Um, Princess? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat that? DONKEY (chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. FIONA (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. SHREK What? DONKEY Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? FIONA Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. DONKEY Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. Shrek sighs FIONA Good night. SHREK Good night. Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye. DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. SHREK Oh, what are you talkin' about? DONKEY I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. SHREK You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. DONKEY Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. SHREK I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - DONKEY An ogre? SHREK Yeah. An ogre. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? SHREK To get... move firewood. (sighs) Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is. TIME LAPSE Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is nowhere to be seen. DONKEY Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her. DONKEY It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out. DONKEY Aah! FIONA Oh, no! DONKEY No, help! FIONA Shh! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA No, it's okay. It's okay. DONKEY What did you do with the princess? FIONA Donkey, I'm the princess. DONKEY Aah! FIONA It's me, in this body. DONKEY Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? FIONA Donkey! DONKEY (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! FIONA No! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA Shh. DONKEY Shrek! FIONA This is me. Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down. DONKEY Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. FIONA I'm ugly, okay? DONKEY Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - FIONA No. I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. DONKEY What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. FIONA It only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." DONKEY Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. FIONA It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. (begins to cry) DONKEY All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. FIONA But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. DONKEY Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? FIONA I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. DONKEY But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. FIONA Shrek? OUTSIDE Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand. SHREK (to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking. FIONA (os) I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. Shrek steps back in shock. FIONA (os) My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away. INSIDE FIONA Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. FIONA No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. DONKEY What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? FIONA Promise you won't tell. Promise! DONKEY All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. (goes outside) I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill. MORNING Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. FIONA I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want...(she looks and sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human.) Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her. FIONA Shrek. Are you all right? SHREK Perfect! Never been better. FIONA I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. SHREK You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. FIONA You heard what I said? SHREK Every word. FIONA I thought you'd understand. SHREK Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" FIONA But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. SHREK Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.) Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something. Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by. DONKEY What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. SHREK As promised. Now hand it over. FARQUAAD Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. FIONA Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... (Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.) farewell. FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. FIONA No, you're right. It doesn't. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? FIONA Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - FARQUAAD (interrupting) Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! FIONA No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. FARQUAAD Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse) FIONA Fare-thee-well, ogre. Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches them go. DONKEY Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So what? DONKEY Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - SHREK I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? DONKEY Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. SHREK I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! DONKEY But I thought - - SHREK Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off) DONKEY Shrek. Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. SHREK'S HOME Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate. SHREK Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues with what he's doing.) What are you doing? DONKEY I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. SHREK Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. DONKEY It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm. DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. SHREK Back off! DONKEY No, you back off. SHREK This is my swamp! DONKEY Our swamp. SHREK (grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with) Let go, Donkey! DONKEY You let go. SHREK Stubborn jackass! DONKEY Smelly ogre. SHREK Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks away) DONKEY Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. SHREK Well, I'm through with you. DONKEY Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? DONKEY Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! SHREK Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! (goes into the outhouse and slams the door) DONKEY Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. SHREK (os) Go away! DONKEY There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. SHREK (os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. DONKEY She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. SHREK (opens the door and comes out) She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? DONKEY Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? SHREK Donkey! DONKEY No! SHREK Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? DONKEY Hey, that's what friends are for, right? SHREK Right. Friends? DONKEY Friends. SHREK So, um, what did Fiona say about me? DONKEY What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? SHREK The wedding! We'll never make it in time. DONKEY Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. (whistles) Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on. SHREK Donkey? DONKEY I guess it's just my animal magnetism. They both laugh. SHREK Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a noogie) DONKEY All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc. DULOC - CHURCH Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'. PRIEST People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... FIONA (eyeing the setting sun) Um- PRIEST ...of our new king... FIONA Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? FARQUAAD (chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona) Go on. COURTYARD Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom. The guards all take off running. DONKEY (to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? (she nods and goes after the guards) Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? SHREK (at the Church door) What are you talking about? DONKEY There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" SHREK I don't have time for this! DONKEY Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? SHREK Yes. DONKEY You wanna hold her? SHREK Yes. DONKEY Please her? SHREK Yes! DONKEY (singing James Brown style) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The chicks love that romantic crap! SHREK All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? DONKEY We gotta check it out. INSIDE CHURCH As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. PRIEST And so, by the power vested in me... Outside SHREK What do you see? DONKEY The whole town's in there. Inside PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife... Outside DONKEY They're at the altar. Inside PRIEST ...king and queen. Outside DONKEY Mother Fletcher! He already said it. SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete! He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. INSIDE CHURCH SHREK (running toward the alter) I object! FIONA Shrek? The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek. FARQUAAD Oh, now what does he want? SHREK (to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. FIONA What are you doing here? SHREK Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding... SHREK Fiona! I need to talk to you. FIONA Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - SHREK But you can't marry him. FIONA And why not? SHREK Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. FARQUAAD Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. SHREK He's not your true love. FIONA And what do you know about true love? SHREK Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - FARQUAAD Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The whole congregation laughs. FARQUAAD An ogre and a princess! FIONA Shrek, is this true? FARQUAAD Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! (puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.) FIONA (looking at the setting sun) "By night one way, by day another." (to Shrek) I wanted to show you before. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. SHREK Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona smiles) FARQUAAD Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights them. SHREK No, no! FIONA Shrek! FARQUAAD This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? FIONA No, let go of me! Shrek! SHREK No! FARQUAAD Don't just stand there, you morons. SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! FARQUAAD I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you! FIONA No, Shrek! FARQUAAD (hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And as for you, my wife... SHREK Fiona! FARQUAAD I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king! Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles. FARQUAAD I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon show up and the dragon leans down and eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah! DONKEY All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. (The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on the edge! The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground. DONKEY Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? The congregation cheers. DONKEY Go ahead, Shrek. SHREK Uh, Fiona? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I - - I love you. FIONA Really? SHREK Really, really. FIONA (smiles) I love you too. Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation. CONGREGATION Aawww! Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her. WHISPERS "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form." Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground. SHREK (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? FIONA (standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. SHREK But you ARE beautiful. They smile at each other. DONKEY (chuckles) I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into... THE SWAMP ...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song. GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us, every one. DONKEY (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. THE END
S4ltster / BeemovieBee Movie script for educational purposes only, anyways According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Barry? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. You got lint on your fuzz. Ow! That's me! Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! Hey, Adam. Hey, Barry. Is that fuzz gel? A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive. You did come back different. Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Hear about Frankie? Yeah. You going to the funeral? No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances. Well, Adam, today we are men. We are! Bee-men. Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15. That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Wonder what it'll be like? A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! That girl was hot. She's my cousin! She is? Yes, we're all cousins. Right. You're right. At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. What do you think he makes? Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. What does that do? Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside The Hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! I wonder where they were. I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. Couple of Hive Harrys. Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! Oh, my! I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. Six miles, huh? Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. Maybe I am. You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? Well, there's a lot of choices. But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! Barry, you are so funny sometimes. I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! You're gonna be a stirrer? No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. We're starting work today! Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... Is it still available? Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. What'd you get? Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. You want to go first? No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. Any chance of getting the Krelman? Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? I'm going out. Out? Out where? Out there. Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. Look at that. Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you. OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! That's awful. And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. Antennae, check. Nectar pack, check. Wings, check. Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader, We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! Ever see pollination up close? No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Candy-brain, get off there! Problem! Guys! This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. Should we tell him? I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! Do something! I'm driving! Hi, bee. He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. You could put carob chips on there. Bye. Supposed to be less calories. Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. You're talking. Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. I'm talking with a bee. Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. Wait! How did you learn to do that? What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. That's very funny. Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Can I... get you something? Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. It's just coffee. I hate to impose. Don't be ridiculous! Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? I shouldn't. Have some. No, I can't. Come on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. Where? These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for The Hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. You do? Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. Really? My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. Why do girls put rings on their toes? Why not? It's like putting a hat on your knee. Maybe I'll try that. You all right, ma'am? Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Can I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. Thanks! Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. Sounds amazing. It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. Do they try and kill you, like on TV? Some of them. But some of them don't. How'd you get back? Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. Well... Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! No, no, no, not a wasp. Spider? I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. Her name's Vanessa. Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside The Hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? They call it a crumb. It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! You know what a Cinnabon is? No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! We're still here. I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! Then why yell at me? Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. Where are you going? I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. What is wrong with you?! It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? Is he that actor? I never heard of him. Why is this here? For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? Well, yes. How do you get it? Bees make it. I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! It's organic. It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. You almost done? Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Crazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. And you? He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! What is that?! Oh, no! A wiper! Triple blade! Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! Bee! Moose blood guy!! You hear something? Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. Bees hang tight. We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. What if you get in trouble? You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! Hey, guys! Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. Check out the new smoker. Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. What? Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. You wish you could. Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! That would hurt. No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, The Hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from The Hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. Is that that same bee? Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. Hello. Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. Frosting... How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. Oh, those just get me psychotic! Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. What's the matter? I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Call your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? No. I couldn't hear you. No. No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before? I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! Order in this court! You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! Say it! Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. Ken! Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little Mind Games. What's that? Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! You're bluffing. Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. You got the tweezers? Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. Good friends? Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? Yeah, but... So those aren't your real parents! Oh, Barry... Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? Objection! I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! Adam, stay with me. I can't feel my legs. What Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Hey, buddy. Hey. Is there much pain? Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? Why? The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? What are we gonna do? He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. What if Montgomery's right? What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups and there's gallons more coming! I think we need to shut down! Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Cannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? What did you want to show me? This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? I'll sting you, you step on me. That just kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the Last Chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? Roses are flowers! Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? Could you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. Bees. Park. Pollen! Flowers. Repollination! Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. Where should I sit? What are you? I believe I'm the pea. The pea? It goes under the mattresses. Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. You and your insect pack your float? Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? Remove your stinger. It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Captain, I'm in a real situation. What'd you say, Hal? Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! Is that another bee joke? No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. Who's that? Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." Get this on the air! Got it. Stand by. We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow! Hello! Left, right, down, hover. Hover? Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. That may have been helping me. And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! Hold it! Why? Come on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Can you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. What? I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! What in the world is on the tarmac? Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Vanessa, aim for the flower. OK. Cut the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! Not that flower! The other one! Which one? That flower. I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. This is insane, Barry! This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! Yes. No high-five! Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! Thank you. But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our Last Chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. When will this nightmare end?! Let it all go. Beautiful day to fly. Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I h
AgoraIO-Community / Idea BoxNo description available
landonasato / FunctionAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
HimangshuCyber / Math QuizAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
tangcr / Redis Redis是什么 Redis是一个NOSQL，NOSQL有许多种，它们分为： 列存储，如：Hbase、Cassandra这种 文档存储，如：MongoDB（首推） key-value存储，如：Berkeley DB、MemcacheDB、Redis，其中Redis最强 图存储，这块基本不用，有：Neo4j、Versant XML存储，如：Berkeley DB Xml还有XBASE，ORACLE很早已经支持这种存储方式了 光知道这些NOSQL的名词是没有用的，关键在于要知道在哪种场景下选用哪种NOSQL才是我们真正要去掌握的。 我们这边说Redis就拿Redis说事吧，它能干什么呢？ Redis基础应用场景 web间session共享，即多个war工程共享一个session 分布式缓存，因为redis为键值对，而且它提供了丰富的adapter可以支持到C、.net、java客户端，因此对于异质平台间进行数据交换起到了作用，因此它可以用作大型系统的分布式缓存，并且其setnx的锁常被用于”秒杀“，”抢红包“这种电商活动场景中。 安装Redis 我本来想在这儿写”Redis上的‘坑‘“，最后我还是觉得把它放到后面章节中去写吧，因为中国人的思维是先有感性再有理性的一种逆向思维，其实这点很像美国人，因此中国人在世界上是最聪明的民族之一，所以我们还是先从动手搭一个Redis的环境来说起吧，老规矩，红色加粗很重要。 一定要使用Linux来布署Redis，请不要偷懒使用Redis 2.8.1 for windows那个版本，如果你使用了这个版本你将无法跟上这一系列教程的步伐。因为Redis为GCC+这样的东西开发出来的，它天生就是运行在LINUX/Unix环境下的，而那个windows版的Redis是一个”烟“割版，而且是一个unofficial的版本，非官方授权的哈。 先从Docker开始 如果已经有Linux/Unix环境的同协们可以直接跳过这一章。 我们这边要开始变态了，因为我们要真正开始踏上SOA、PAAS、互联网的脚步了。 如果对于没有Linux/Unix环境的用户来说，我在这边推荐使用docker，即boot2docker windows版来安装，它下载后是一个这样的文件 安装前把你的网络连接中的IPV6协议前的勾去掉 双击它，在安装时记得选择Virtual-Box选项，因为docker本为linux/unix下之物，因此为了在windows下使用docker，boot2docker内嵌了一个virtualbox来虚拟docker的环境。 装完后它会在你的桌面上生成一个蓝色的图标，双击它，它会打开一个绿色的字，黑色的背景像matrix电影里的那种命令行窗口，这就是Docker。 装完后运行： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker@boot2docker:~$ docker run hello-world 看到下面这些提示 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 Hello from Docker. This message shows that your installation appears to be working correctly. To generate this message, Docker took the following steps: 1. The Docker client contacted the Docker daemon. 2. The Docker daemon pulled the “hello-world” image from the Docker Hub. (Assuming it was not already locally available.) 3. The Docker daemon created a new container from that image which runs the executable that produces the output you are currently reading. 4. The Docker daemon streamed that output to the Docker client, which sent it to your terminal. To try something more ambitious, you can run an Ubuntu container with: $ docker run -it ubuntu bash For more examples and ideas, visit: http://docs.docker.com/userguide/ 说明你的Docker安装成功了。 在Docker中安装unix环境 有了Docker我们就用Docker虚拟一个Ubuntu（UNIX）环境吧，在这边我们使用的是Ubuntu14。 ubuntu14请下载这个包：戳: 下载Ubuntu14包 下载后直接在docker下运行下面这条命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 cat ubuntu-14.04-x86_64.tar.gz |docker import - ubuntu:ubuntu14 这个过程会很快，完成后查看自己的image： 成功导入了ubuntu，这样我们就可以在Docker中运行出一个自己的ubuntu了。 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker run -i -t ubuntu:ubuntu14 /bin/bash 以上运行后，进入了该ubuntu的bash环境。 注：如果上述命令出错，可以使用下面这条命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker run -i -t ubuntu:ubuntu14 //bin/bash 两个 “/” 哈 如果你能看到类似于root@ubuntu14_这样的命令行界面说明你的ubuntu14也已经安装成功了，下面我们就要在这个docker->ubuntu14中安装和布署我们的Redis了，这个过程和在Linux下一样。 在ubuntu14下先安装SSHD，以便于我们使用WINSCP这样的SFTP工具来管理我们的ubuntu14中的文件系统 在ubuntu14中安装SSHD 第一步： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker run -t -i ubuntu/mk:v1 /bin/bash 进入我们的ubuntu环境，这边的ubuntu/mk就是我本机的docker中ubuntu14 container（容器）的名字，如果按照上面的延续此处可以替换成ubuntu:ubuntu14这个名字吧。 第二步： 升级一下你的apt-get，它就是一个命令行IE下载工具，如果你不update，那么你apt-get的源、内核都为旧的，因此为了升级apt-get请键入下面的命令 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 apt-get update 这个过程很快（依赖于你的网络环境） 第三步： 下载和安装openssh组件 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 apt-get install openssh-server openssh-client 第四步： 修改你的root密码 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 passwd 键入两次你的root密码，我这边都为6个小写的a 第五步： 退出容器，并保存以上修改，如果docker在退出后你接着退出docker环境或者是关机那么刚才的4步全部不生效，你一定要commit它才能生效，为此： 你先要知道你刚才用docker run命令运行的ubuntu14的容器的ID，你可以使用 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker ps -a 来查到你latest的一次容器的ID，它是一组16进制一样的编码如：1edfb9aabde8890，有了这个container id我们就可以commit我们刚才装的openssh的环境了 commit刚才在容器中所做的修改 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker commit 1edfb9aabde8890 ubuntu:ssh 第六步： 运行带有openssh的ubuntu14以便于我们使用winscp这样的SFTP工具连入我们的ubuntu14中去，依次输入下面的命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker kill $(docker ps -q) 杀掉正在运行的所有的container的进程 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker rm $(docker ps -a -q) 删除所有在进程中的容器，以上2步又被称为docker大扫除 Docker是这样的机制的，它可以开启多个容器，每个容器带着一堆的image（镜像），要删一个镜像必须先停止这个镜像所在的容器，再把这个镜像删除，因此我们使用上面这两条命令对于Docker来一个大扫除。 接着我们先查一下我们目前手头有的镜像 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker images 你会看到一个images列表，里面有我们的ubuntu:14，有我们的ubuntu:ssh也有一个hello-world，我们把ubuntu:14这个镜像删了吧（为了保持干净哈） 每个image也它自己的id，即image id，因此你用docker images命令查到该镜像的id后可以使用： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker rmi imageid 这条命令把一个不用的镜像给删了。 接下去我们要启动我们的ubuntu14:ssh了，可以使用下面这条命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker -d -p 122:22 ubuntu:ssh //usr/sbin/sshd -D 这条命令的意思为： -d即把我们的image启动在后台进程，它将会是一个daemon进程，而不会像刚才我们使用-t一样，一旦exit后该image进程也自动退出了 -p为端口映射，什么意思呢，这边要说一下docker的端口映射问题。我们知道docker安装后它会利用virtualbox中的vhost only的nat机制来建立一个虚拟的IP 可以打开我们的virtualbox中在菜单”全局->设定->网络”中进行查找 所以我们可以知道一旦boot2docker环境运行后它的地址为192.168.56.*这个段，一般为192.168.56.101这个地址，你可以在boot2docker启动后直接使用winscp边入这个docker环境。 地址：192.168.56.101 端口：22 用户名：docker 密码：tcuser 以上为默认值，具体地址按照你的virtualbox中在boot2docker安装时自动给出的设置来做参考。 而， 我们在这个docker中安装了一个ubuntu14:ssh的image，然后用后台进程的方式打开了这个ubuntu14:ssh，因此它自己也有一个IP（可能是172也可能是169段），具体不得而知，一般来说它是每次启动镜像后自己变换的（可以使用动态网络域名绑定docker中镜像的ip来达到域名不变的目的-集群环境下有用）。 我们都知道ssh是以端口22来进行TCP连接的，因此我们把ubuntu14的IP上的22端口映射到了我们的docker主机192.168.56.101上的122端口。 参数//usr/sbin/sshd -D代表该镜像启动会的entrypoint即启动后再启动一个什么命令，在最后的-D（大写的D）告诉docker这是一个启动文件 于是，一旦该命令发出后，显示image启动的提示后（启动后你会得到一个image id）你就可以直接打开你的winscp使用： 地址：192.168.56.101 端口：122 （此处是122，不是22，因为我们把image的22端口映射到了192.168.56.101-docker主机上的122端口了） 用户名：root 密码：aaaaaa 即可以连入我们的ubuntu14环境了，如果此时你安装了putty还可以使用putty+winscp直接进入ubuntu14的命令行环境中去，于是你就有ubuntu14的试验环境了。 在ubuntu14下安装redis 网上很多在ubuntu14下安装redis的教程都不对的，大家看了要上当的，原因在于如下，请各位看完： 网上的redis环境搭建直接使用的是apt-get update完后用wget https://github.com/ijonas/dotfiles/raw/master/etc/init.d/redis-server 这样的方式来安装的，这样装固然方便，可是也因为方便所以取到的redis不是最新的redis版本，一般为2.8.x版或者是redis3.0.rc，这依赖于你的unit/linux所连接的wget库 redis为c写成，它的2.4-2.8版都为不稳定版或者是缺少功能或者是有bug，而这些bug在你如果真正使用redis作为网站生产环境时将会因为这些bug而无法面对峰涌而来的巨大并发，因此当有这样的redis运行了一段时间后你的生产环境会面临着巨大的压力 还是redis不够新不够稳定的原因，由于在redis3前redis还不支持集群、主备高可用方案的功能，因此不得不依靠于繁杂的打补丁式的如：linux/unix-keepalive或者是haproxy这种系统级层面然后写一堆的复杂脚本去维护你的redis集群，还要用外部手段（Linux/Unix Shell脚本）去维护多个redis节点间的缓存数据同步。。。这这这。。。不复合我们的网站扩容、增量、运维和面对巨大用户（万级并发-最高支持百万用户如：新浪微博、微信）的场景 因此，我在这边推荐大家使用下面我将要使用的“下载源码包结合你本机的Linux/Unix内核进行实时编译”的安装过程。 第一步：下载redis目前最稳定版本也是功能最完善，集群支持最好并加入了sentinel（哨兵-高可用）功能的redis3.0.7版即redis-stable版，为此我们需要获取redis-stable版 redis官方下载连接 就是用的这个redis-stable.tar.gz包，这是我在写博客时目前最新最稳定版本，修复了大量的BUG和完善了功能。 第二步： 下载后我们把该包上传到我们的docker中的ubuntu14中，我们把它放在/opt目录下 然后我们使用tar -zxvf redis-stable.tar.gz对它进行解压 解压后它就会生成一个redis-stable目录，进入该目录 cd redis-stable 别急，我们先一会编译和安装它 第三步：编译安装redis 我们先输入gcc -v 这个命令来查看我们的gcc版本，如果它低于4.2以下那么你在编译redis3.0.7时一定会碰到大量的出错信息，如前面所述，redis为gcc写成，最新的redis需要gcc4.2-5这个版本才能进行编译，而一般去年或者之前装的linux/unix 的 gcc都为4.0以下或者甚至是3.x版。 升级GCC先 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 apt-get install build-essential 因此apt-get update显得很重要，要不然你获取的gcc也将不是最新的版本，目前我的gcc为5.3.1为这周刚做的升级。 升级后我们开始编译redis3.0.7了，为此我们需要在redis-stable目录下 键入如下命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 make PREFIX=/usr/local/redis1 install 我们告知我们的GCC把redis-stable编译并同时安装在/usr/local/redis1目录下 这个过程很快，可能只有10秒钟时间（依据你的机器来说，建议使用>=8gb, 4核CPU的PC机），然后我们就可以看到everything ok了。我们进入/usr/local/redis1就可以看到我们刚才安装的redis3.0.7稳定版了。 我们进入我们的redis目录 cd /usr/local/redis1/bin 在此目录下我们即可以运行我们的redis server了，不过请别急，在启动前我们需要对redis进行一些配置。 我的博客面对的是“全栈式”工程师的，架构师只是成为全栈式工程师中的一个起点，如果你不会搭环境那么你就不能接触到最新的技术，因此这就是许多程序员工作了近5年，7年结果发觉也只会一个SSH的主要原因。 Redis3配置要领 使用winscp通过122连入docker下的ubuntu14，进行redis的配置。 我们需要编辑的文件为/usr/local/redis1/bin/redis.conf这个文件 [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 daemonize yes # When running daemonized, Redis writes a pid file in /var/run/redis.pid by # default. You can specify a custom pid file location here. pidfile "/var/run/redis/redis1.pid" # Accept connections on the specified port, default is 6379. # If port 0 is specified Redis will not listen on a TCP socket. port 7001 我们把: daemonize设为yes，使得redis以后台进程的方式来运行，你可以认为为“server”模式，如果redis以server模式运行的话它会生成一个pid文件 ，因此我们把它的路径放在/var/run/redis目录中，并命名它为redis1.pid文件 ，为此你需要在/var/run目录下建立redis这个目录 端口号我们把它设为7001，这样好辩识，因为将来我们会进一步做redis集群，所以我们的redis都为redis1, redis2, redis3那么我们的端口号也为7001, 7002, 7003。。。这样来延续。那么很多同协这时要问了，“为什么我们不把它命名成master, slave1, slave2这样的名字呢？”，理由很简单，无论是现在的hadoop还是zookeeper它们的集群是跨机房的，多个master间也有MASTER-SLAVE模式互为备份，因为一些大型网站不仅仅只有一个IDC机房，它们一般都会有2个，3个IDC机房，或者是在同一个IDC机房中有“跨机柜”的布署来形成超大规模集群，就和ALI的TAOBAO网一样，它在北美都有机房，因此当你需要在LOCAL NATIVE建一个IDC机房，在北美再做一个机房，你不要想把一个MASTER设在中国，SLAVE设到美国去，而是多地甚至是多机柜都有MASTER，一旦一个MASTER宕机了，这种集群会通过一个叫“选举策略”选出一个节点把这个节点作为当前“群”的MASTER，因此我们的命名才会是redis1, redis2, redis3...这样来命名的。 此处把原来的： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 save 900 1 save 300 10 save 60 10000 中的300 10 和60 10000注释掉。这边代表的是： redis以每900秒写一次、300秒写10次，60秒内写1万次这样的策略把缓存放入一个叫.rdb的磁盘文件中，这点和ehcache或者是memcache很像，以便于redis在重启时可以从本地持久化文件中找出关机前的数据记录。 如果按照默认的话，此三个策略会轮流起效，在大并发环境中，这样的写策略将会对我们的性能造成巨大的影响，因此我们这边只保留900秒写1次这条策略，这边有人会问，如果你这样会有数据丢失怎么办。。。别急，这个问题我们后面会解答，这涉及到redis的“正确”使用，如果它只是一个缓存，我相信5分钟内缓存的丢失此时程序直接访问数据库也不会有太大问题，又要保证数据完整性又要保证性能这本身是一个矛与盾的问题，除非你钱多了烧那我会给出你一个烧钱的配置策略，连新浪都不会这么烧钱，呵呵。 dbfilename，此处我们维持redis原有的缓存磁盘文件的原名 dir "/usr/local/redis1/data"为rdb文件所在的目录 这边大家要注意的是一个是只能写文件名，另一个地方只能写目录名。 为此我们需要在/usr/local/redis1下建立 data目录。 把此处的appendonly设为no，这样我们就关闭了Redis的AOF功能。 AOF 持久化记录服务器执行的所有写操作命令，并在服务器启动时，通过重新执行这些命令来还原数据集。AOF是redis在集群或者是高可用环境下的一个同步策略，它会不断的以APPEND的模式把redis的缓存中的数据从一个节点写给另一个节点，它对于数据的完整性保证是要高于rdb模式的。 RDB 是一个非常紧凑（compact）的文件，它保存了 Redis 在某个时间点上的数据集。 这种文件非常适合用于进行备份： 比如说，你可以在最近的 24 小时内，每小时备份一次 RDB 文件，并且在每个月的每一天，也备份一个 RDB 文件。 这样的话，即使遇上问题，也可以随时将数据集还原到不同的版本。RDB 非常适用于灾难恢复（disaster recovery）：它只有一个文件，并且内容都非常紧凑，可以（在加密后）将它传送到别的数据中心如阿里的mysql异地机房间使用FTP传binlog的做法。 按照官方的说法，启用AOF功能，可以在redis高可用环境中如果发生了故障客户的数据不会有高于2秒内的历史数据丢失，它换来的代价为高昂的I/O开销，有些开发者为了追求缓存中的数据100%的正确有时会碰到因为redis在AOF频繁刷新时整个环境如死机一的情况，并且你会看到恶梦一般的”Asynchronous AOF fsync is taking too long “警告信息，这是因为redis它是单线程的，它在进行I/O操作时会阻塞住所有的操作，包括登录。。。这个很可怕，不过这个BUG/ISSUE已经在最新redis中进行了优化，它启用了另一根进程来进行AOF刷新，包括优化了RDB持久化功能，这也是为什么我让大家一定一定要用最新最稳定版的redis的原因。 一般默认情况下redis内的rdb和AOF功能同为开启， 如果RDB的数据不实时，同时使用两者时服务器重启也只会找AOF文件。 因为RDB文件只用作后备用途，建议只在Slave上持久化RDB文件，而且只要15分钟备份一次就够了，所以我只保留save 900 1这条规则。 如果Enalbe AOF： 好处是在最恶劣情况下也只会丢失不超过两秒数据，启动脚本较简单只load自己的AOF文件就可以了。 代价一是带来了持续的IO，二是AOF rewrite的最后将rewrite过程中产生的新数据写到新文件造成的阻塞几乎是不可避免的。只要硬盘许可，应该尽量减少AOF rewrite的频率，AOF重写的基础大小默认值64M太小了，可以设到5G以上。默认超过原大小100%大小时重写，这边可以设定一个适当的数值。 如果不Enable AOF ，仅靠Master-Slave Replication 实现高可用性也可以。能省掉极大的IO也减少了rewrite时带来的系统波动。代价是如果Master/Slave同时倒掉（那你的网站基本也就歇了），会丢失十几分钟的数据，启动脚本也要比较两个Master/Slave中的RDB文件，载入较新的那个。新浪微博就选用了这种架构。 最后我们不要忘了设一个redis的log文件，在此我们把它设到了/var/log/redis目录，为此我们需要在/var/log目录下建立一个redis目录。 好了，保存后我们来启动我们的redis吧。 我们使用以下这条命令来启动我们的redis server。 然后我们在我们的windows机上装一个windows版的redis 2.8.1 for windows（只用它来作为redis的client端） 然后我们在windows环境下使用： redis-cli -p 7001 -h 192.168.56.101 咦，没反映，连不上，哈哈。。。。。。 那是肯定连不上的，因为： 我们刚才在用docker启动ubuntu14时使用docker -d -p 122:22 ubuntu:ssh //usr/sbin/sshd -D来启动的，这边我们并未把redis服务的7001端口映射到192.168.56.101这台docker主机上，怎么可以通过windows主机（可能windows的ip为169.188.xx.xx）来访问docker内的进程服务呢？对吧，为此我们：先把刚才做了这么多的更改docker commit成一个新的image如：redis:basic吧。 然后我们对docker进行一次大扫除，然后我们启动redis:basic这个image并使用以下命令： [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 docker -d -p 122:22 -p 7001:7001 redis:basic //usr/sbin/sshd -D 看，此处我们可以使用多个-p来作docker内容器的多端口映射策略（它其实使用的就是iptables命令）。 好了，用putty连入这个image的进程并启动redis服务，然后我们拿windows中的redis-cli命令来连。 如果在linux环境下还是没有连通（可能的哦），那是因为你没有禁用linux下的防火墙，我们可以使用iptables -F来禁用linux的防火墙或者使用： vi /etc/selinux/config 然后把 SELINUX=enforcing 这句用”#“注释掉 增加一句： SELINUX=disabled #增加 这样每次启动后linux都不会有iptables的困扰了（这是在本机环境下这么干哦，如果你是生产环境请自行加iptables策略以允许redis服务端口可以被访问）。 看到下面这个PONG即代表你的redis服务已经在网络环境中起效了。 下面我们要开始使用Java客户端来连我们的Redis Service了。 使用Spring Data + JEDIS来连接Redis Service Spring+Session+Redis pom.xml 在此我们需要使用spring data和jedis，下面给出相关的maven配置 [html] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 <dependencies> <!-- poi start --> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.poi</groupId> <artifactId>poi</artifactId> <version>${poi_version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.poi</groupId> <artifactId>poi-ooxml-schemas</artifactId> <version>${poi_version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.poi</groupId> <artifactId>poi-scratchpad</artifactId> <version>${poi_version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.poi</groupId> <artifactId>poi-ooxml</artifactId> <version>${poi_version}</version> </dependency> <!-- poi end --> <!-- active mq start --> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.activemq</groupId> <artifactId>activemq-all</artifactId> <version>5.8.0</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.activemq</groupId> <artifactId>activemq-pool</artifactId> <version>${activemq_version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.apache.xbean</groupId> <artifactId>xbean-spring</artifactId> <version>3.16</version> </dependency> <!-- active mq end --> <!-- servlet start --> <dependency> <groupId>javax.servlet</groupId> <artifactId>servlet-api</artifactId> <version>${javax.servlet-api.version}</version> <scope>provided</scope> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>javax.servlet.jsp</groupId> <artifactId>jsp-api</artifactId> <version>2.1</version> <scope>provided</scope> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>javax.servlet</groupId> <artifactId>jstl</artifactId> <version>1.2</version> </dependency> <!-- servlet end --> <!-- redis start --> <dependency> <groupId>redis.clients</groupId> <artifactId>jedis</artifactId> <version>2.7.2</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.redisson</groupId> <artifactId>redisson</artifactId> <version>1.0.2</version> </dependency> <!-- redis end --> <dependency> <groupId>org.slf4j</groupId> <artifactId>jcl-over-slf4j</artifactId> <version>${slf4j.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.slf4j</groupId> <artifactId>slf4j-log4j12</artifactId> <version>${slf4j.version}</version> </dependency> <!-- spring conf start --> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework.data</groupId> <artifactId>spring-data-redis</artifactId> <version>1.6.2.RELEASE</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-webmvc</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> <exclusions> <exclusion> <groupId>commons-logging</groupId> <artifactId>commons-logging</artifactId> </exclusion> </exclusions> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-tx</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-aop</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-context-support</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework.data</groupId> <artifactId>spring-data-redis</artifactId> <version>1.6.2.RELEASE</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-orm</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-jms</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework.session</groupId> <artifactId>spring-session</artifactId> <version>${spring.session.version}</version> </dependency> <dependency> <groupId>org.springframework</groupId> <artifactId>spring-core</artifactId> <version>${spring.version}</version> </dependency> <!-- spring conf end --> </dependencies> redis-config.xml [html] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <beans xmlns="http://www.springframework.org/schema/beans" xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns:p="http://www.springframework.org/schema/p" xmlns:context="http://www.springframework.org/schema/context" xmlns:jee="http://www.springframework.org/schema/jee" xmlns:tx="http://www.springframework.org/schema/tx" xmlns:aop="http://www.springframework.org/schema/aop" xsi:schemaLocation=" http://www.springframework.org/schema/beans http://www.springframework.org/schema/beans/spring-beans.xsd http://www.springframework.org/schema/context http://www.springframework.org/schema/context/spring-context.xsd"> <context:property-placeholder location="classpath:/spring/redis.properties" /> <context:component-scan base-package="org.sky.redis"> </context:component-scan> <bean id="jedisConnectionFactory" class="org.springframework.data.redis.connection.jedis.JedisConnectionFactory"> <property name="hostName" value="${redis.host.ip}" /> <property name="port" value="${redis.host.port}" /> <property name="poolConfig" ref="jedisPoolConfig" /> </bean> <bean id="jedisPoolConfig" class="redis.clients.jedis.JedisPoolConfig"> <property name="maxTotal" value="${redis.maxTotal}" /> <property name="maxIdle" value="${redis.maxIdle}" /> <property name="maxWaitMillis" value="${redis.maxWait}" /> <property name="testOnBorrow" value="${redis.testOnBorrow}" /> <property name="testOnReturn" value="${redis.testOnReturn}" /> </bean> <bean id="redisTemplate" class="org.springframework.data.redis.core.StringRedisTemplate"> <property name="connectionFactory" ref="jedisConnectionFactory" /> </bean> <!--将session放入redis --> <bean id="redisHttpSessionConfiguration" class="org.springframework.session.data.redis.config.annotation.web.http.RedisHttpSessionConfiguration"> <property name="maxInactiveIntervalInSeconds" value="1800" /> </bean> <bean id="customExceptionHandler" class="sample.MyHandlerExceptionResolver" /> </beans> redis.properties [plain] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 redis.host.ip=192.168.0.101 redis.host.port=6379 redis.maxTotal=1000 redis.maxIdle=100 redis.maxWait=2000 redis.testOnBorrow=false redis.testOnReturn=true web.xml [html] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <web-app version="2.5" xmlns="http://java.sun.com/xml/ns/javaee" xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xsi:schemaLocation="http://java.sun.com/xml/ns/javaee http://java.sun.com/xml/ns/javaee/web-app_2_5.xsd"> <!-- - Location of the XML file that defines the root application context - Applied by ContextLoaderListener. --> <!-- tag::context-param[] --> <context-param> <param-name>contextConfigLocation</param-name> <param-value> classpath:/spring/redis-conf.xml </param-value> </context-param> <!-- end::context-param[] --> <!-- tag::springSessionRepositoryFilter[] --> <filter> <filter-name>springSessionRepositoryFilter</filter-name> <filter-class>org.springframework.web.filter.DelegatingFilterProxy</filter-class> </filter> <filter-mapping> <filter-name>springSessionRepositoryFilter</filter-name> <url-pattern>/*</url-pattern> </filter-mapping> <session-config> <session-timeout>30</session-timeout> </session-config> <!-- end::springSessionRepositoryFilter[] --> <filter> <filter-name>encodingFilter</filter-name> <filter-class>org.springframework.web.filter.CharacterEncodingFilter</filter-class> <init-param> <param-name>encoding</param-name> <param-value>UTF-8</param-value> </init-param> <init-param> <param-name>forceEncoding</param-name> <param-value>true</param-value> </init-param> </filter> <filter-mapping> <filter-name>encodingFilter</filter-name> <url-pattern>/*</url-pattern> </filter-mapping> <servlet> <servlet-name>dispatcher</servlet-name> <servlet-class>org.springframework.web.servlet.DispatcherServlet</servlet-class> <init-param> <param-name>contextConfigLocation</param-name> <param-value>classpath:/spring/spring-mvc.xml</param-value> </init-param> <load-on-startup>1</load-on-startup> </servlet> <servlet-mapping> <servlet-name>dispatcher</servlet-name> <url-pattern>/</url-pattern> </servlet-mapping> <!-- - Loads the root application context of this web app at startup. - The application context is then available via - WebApplicationContextUtils.getWebApplicationContext(servletContext). --> <!-- tag::listeners[] --> <listener> <listener-class>org.springframework.web.context.ContextLoaderListener</listener-class> </listener> <!-- end::listeners[] --> <servlet> <servlet-name>sessionServlet</servlet-name> <servlet-class>sample.SessionServlet</servlet-class> </servlet> <servlet-mapping> <servlet-name>sessionServlet</servlet-name> <url-pattern>/servlet/session</url-pattern> </servlet-mapping> <welcome-file-list> <welcome-file>index.jsp</welcome-file> </welcome-file-list> </web-app> 这边主要是一个： [html] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 <filter> <filter-name>springSessionRepositoryFilter</filter-name> <filter-class>org.springframework.web.filter.DelegatingFilterProxy</filter-class> </filter> <filter-mapping> <filter-name>springSessionRepositoryFilter</filter-name> <url-pattern>/*</url-pattern> </filter-mapping> <session-config> <session-timeout>30</session-timeout> </session-config> 这个filter一定要写在一切filter之前 SessionController [java] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 package sample; import org.springframework.session.data.redis.config.annotation.web.http.EnableRedisHttpSession; import org.springframework.stereotype.Controller; import org.springframework.ui.Model; import org.springframework.web.bind.annotation.RequestMapping; import javax.servlet.http.HttpServletRequest; import javax.servlet.http.HttpSession; /** * Created by mk on 15/1/7. */ @Controller @EnableRedisHttpSession public class SessionController { @RequestMapping("/mySession") public String index(final Model model, final HttpServletRequest request) { if (request.getSession().getAttribute("testSession") == null) { System.out.println("session is null"); request.getSession().setAttribute("testSession", "yeah"); } else { System.out.println("not null"); } return "showSession"; } } showSession.jsp文件 [html] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 <%@ page language="java" contentType="text/html; charset=utf-8" pageEncoding="utf-8"%> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd"> <html> <head> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title>showSession</title> </head> <body> <% String sessionValue=(String)session.getAttribute("testSession"); %> <h1>Session Value From Servlet is: <%=sessionValue%></h1> </body> </html> 测试 保证我们的redise-server是启动的，然后我们启动起这个web工程后使用： http://localhost:8080/webpoc/mySession访问一下这个controller 此时我们使用redis客户端工具连入查看spring session是否已经进入到了redis中去。 在redis客户端工具连入后我们可以在redis console中使用keys *来查看存入的key，LOOK，spring的session存入了redis中去了。 再来看我们的eclipse后台，由于我们是第一次访问这个controller，因此这个session为空，因此它显示如下： 我们在IE中再次访问该controller 由于之前的session已经存在于redis了，因此当用户在1800秒（30分钟）内再次访问controller，它会从session中获取该session的key testSession的值，因此eclipse后台打印为not null。 SpringRedisTemplate + Redis 讲过了spring session+redis我们来讲使用spring data框架提供的redisTemplate来访问redis service吧。说实话，spring这个东西真强，什么都可以集成，cassandra, jms, jdbc...jpa...bla...bla...bla...Spring集成Barack Hussein Obama? LOL :) pom.xml 不用列了，上面有了 redis-conf.xml 不用列了，上面有了 web.xml 也不用列了，上面也有了 SentinelController.java 我们就先用这个名字吧，后面我们会用它来做我们的redis sentinel（哨兵）的高可用（HA）集群测试 [java] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 package sample; import java.util.HashMap; import java.util.Map; import org.springframework.beans.factory.annotation.Autowired; import org.springframework.context.ApplicationContext; import org.springframework.context.support.ClassPathXmlApplicationContext; import org.springframework.data.redis.core.BoundHashOperations; import org.springframework.data.redis.core.StringRedisTemplate; import org.springframework.stereotype.Controller; import org.springframework.ui.Model; import org.springframework.web.bind.annotation.ExceptionHandler; import org.springframework.web.bind.annotation.RequestMapping; import redis.clients.jedis.Jedis; import redis.clients.jedis.JedisSentinelPool; import util.CountCreater; import javax.servlet.http.HttpServletRequest; import javax.servlet.http.HttpSession; /** * Created by xin on 15/1/7. */ @Controller public class SentinelController { @Autowired private StringRedisTemplate redisTemplate; @RequestMapping("/sentinelTest") public String sentinelTest(final Model model, final HttpServletRequest request, final String action) { return "sentinelTest"; } @ExceptionHandler(value = { java.lang.Exception.class }) @RequestMapping("/setValueToRedis") public String setValueToRedis(final Model model, final HttpServletRequest request, final String action) throws Exception { CountCreater.setCount(); String key = String.valueOf(CountCreater.getCount()); Map mapValue = new HashMap(); for (int i = 0; i < 1000; i++) { mapValue.put(String.valueOf(i), String.valueOf(i)); } try { BoundHashOperations<String, String, String> boundHashOperations = redisTemplate .boundHashOps(key); boundHashOperations.putAll(mapValue); System.out.println("put key into redis"); } catch (Exception e) { e.printStackTrace(); throw new Exception(e); } return "sentinelTest"; } } 打开IE，输入：http://localhost:8080/webpoc/setValueToRedis 观察我们的后台 然后使用redis client连入后进行查看 看。。。这个值key=1的，就是我们通过spring的redisTemplate存入进去的值，即使用下面这段代码进行存入的值： [java] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 for (int i = 0; i < 1000; i++) { mapValue.put(String.valueOf(i), String.valueOf(i)); } try { BoundHashOperations<String, String, String> boundHashOperations = redisTemplate.boundHashOps(key); boundHashOperations.putAll(mapValue); 如何你要存入一个简单的如key=test value=hello，你可以这样使用你的redisTemplate [java] view plain copy 在CODE上查看代码片派生到我的代码片 redisTemplate.execute(new RedisCallback<Object>() { @Override public Object doInRedis(RedisConnection connection) throws DataAccessException { connection.set( redisTemplate.getStringSerializer().serialize( "test"), redisTemplate .getStringSerializer() .serialize("hello")); return null; } }); 是不是很方便的哈？结束第一天的教程，明天开始搭建redis集群。
ecreall / Nova IdeoNova-Ideo is a participatory innovation tool, the merger of the box ideas and collaborative portal.
Skattermuffin / This Ones For You My Retalyation. Also Haha Arrow Game LololAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because beAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual.You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feaes don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And
